The End to A Mother's lies

 Enough is enough.

I've been lying to my son for the past 10 years.

I lied to protect him.

To shelter him.

To keep him "safe"

To protect his emotional and mental state.

But today, enough is enough.

You came to celebrate his birthday,

but two weeks later you did not show up to the youngest son's birthday.

You called.

We haven't heard from you since.

But this is nothing new. 

This is how you've been for 12 years.

You show up randomly a few times, then you go ghost.

How you ghost your own flesh and blood?

Before when my oldest would ask 

"where's my dad?"

"Why hasn't he called?"

"Why doesn't he answer the phone?"

I would lie.

I would lie to protect your reputation.

I would lie and say you were busy,

you were working,

you were helping someone,

you were out of town and your phone died

or probably sleep.

But today, enough is enough!

Today he asked why dont you call him and I told him straight up.

You're crazy, you come around when you feel like it and it's unacceptable.

I told him I can't make you be a father and I'm not going to waste my time trying.

I told him, it's not right and its not fair, and I hope he doesn't do the same when he gets older.

He looked at me and said he understands, and he was just waiting for you to buy 2k for his xbox like you said you would months ago.

I know he doesn't understand. He thinks he does, but he doesn't fully understand that this is a cycle that I'm ending!

 I'm sure your mom used to lie to you about your dad.

 Hell she used to try and get me to lie for you.

Those lies, and excuses did not hold him accountable, and they haven't held you accountable.

That is why it's so easy for you to do the same thing to your son's that your dad did to you.

But today enough is enough!!

I'm no longer making excuses for your absence as a father.

I'm no longer going to sugar coat your decision to be a deadbeat dad.

I'm no longer playing a role in this toxic ass cycle.

My hope is being honest with my sons, will in someway hold you accountable..

Hold you accountable in a sense that they understand there is no excuses or reason good enough for you to not be in your kids lives. 

There is no good reason to come in and out of your child's life.

Telling them the truth so they won't repeat the same cycle.

Dont worry, I don't and won't go out of my way to speak ill of you. Not to the kids. However, when they ask why you don't call them or why you don't come around I will not make an excuse for you. I will not lie to them,

I won't go into details of your life style.... yet. When they get old enough and ask questions.. I will answer accordingly.

They deserve to know that your absence and lack of attempts to be a good father has nothing to do with them, but everything to do with you and what you decided to prioritize.

I'm sure a lot of people won't agree with what Im doing, but they haven't had to look my son in his face with tears streaming down his face wondering if his dad loves him or not.

You haven't had to do that.

You haven't spent years pleading with this man to be an active father,

So save your judgement for someone else. 

The black community and black family is notorious for keeping secrets.

Leaving people guessing.

Sweeping shit under the rug.

Hiding and omitting truths thinking its helping, when in reality it is actually hurting.

The lack of accountability, and the lack of facing these hurtful truth is what allows these cycles to continue..

This learned behavior of just accepting things for what they are and not challenging or changing it has to stop.

It stops here.

it stops with me and mine.

Enough is enough.

Signed,

Young Queen Mother Goddess

It's The Oddities for me

I would like to preface this post by saying. A part of my childhood trauma response to not feeling loved, seen, important, cared for etc. it's holding on to people, places and memories that make me feel seen, understood , and loved. I just recently learned this from "therapy twitter" lol. It makes sense. Or could just be the intense passion of being a Leo... who knows.

Circa 2012, 2013 ish

I've been on twitter for about a year now, and I'm following random people and random people are following me.  I don't know who started following who, all I know is you were the funniest account on my time line. You had relatable funny jokes, inappropriate jokes, dark jokes... like a real life comedian lol

When you told me you lived in Apopka, and went to Apopka High, I was like what? We never knowingly crossed paths at all. Mainly because you were like a year or 2 older, and I was the new girl. Anyway, we bonded over your ridiculous jokes, and your range of knowledge of various topics. I was pleasantly surprised to know how smart you really were. I don't know how much time had past at this point, but we were talking in the DM for a while.

One day I tweeted " I wish I had a strawberry milkshake"... Next thing I know, I got a text telling me to come outside.. and there you were. At the bottom of my driveway with a Strawberry milkshake from Steak n shake... I  was so surprised! And you played it cool like " I was in the area, and you seemed a little down".. lol so freaking sweet, because we all know how slow that steak n shake was. The line was always wrapped around the building lol.

At this point we started hanging out while you were at work. You worked at your familys store in the hood of south Apopka! lol I was living life on the edge at this point lol I would come and hang out with you until the store closed. We would talk, watch movies, joke, listen to music, the times I brought my son with me, you would have blocks and letters for him to play with lol. I remember your uncle, came into the store and he was the one who told me "you better get that boy a step daddy"... I never forgot that day. At first I was offended, but now... how many years later? I truly understand what he was saying, and I can appreciate the sentiment.

Do you remember that night someone tried to break into the store after you closed it down?? Geesh, that was scary! I never realized how much danger I was really in because I felt safe with you. I think after that I kinda chilled, and just met you after work or you would meet me on my lunch breaks.

Many nights we would just be chilling at your grandma's, watching Oddities. I had never heard of that show or seen it until you put me on. I don't know if I ever told you, but sometimes I had nightmares about that show lol. Somethings were scary to me at the time, but that was our show. We would watch it together or over the phone. I remember one night I stayed over really late, we lost track of time, and your aunt was like "are we having a sleep over"... and you were like no auntie, we don't do that... lol It was so funny, because I think I was falling asleep, and when I was trying to leave, your grandfather was still up lol you were so irritated that he was up LOL ...(RIP Grip)

I'm gonna fast forward to our first real date lol

Do you remember how you asked me out? lol You were like " Dezzz, would you like to go on a corny date with me" You always called me "Dezzz with 3 Z's" lol I always teased you about being corny, because you knew you were so damn funny! Anyway, you took me to Cranes Roost, to have a picnic, we walked, held hands and fed the birds. You threw the bread over my head so the birds could fly right over me. You thought, that was just so funny (eye roll) I would insert the picture you took here, but I don't know if I still have it! Afterwards we got frozen yogurt and went to Marshalls just to look around. I saw a different side of you that day.

I remember your babygirls birthday party, you invited Daniel and I to come. Honestly I was thinking oh just a few people with their kids, NO! Your whole family was there lol I had already met most of them, but I was like WOW lol I had a moment of feeling overwhelmed by how many people were there and the questions that were asked, I stepped outside and said I was "watching the kids" on the waterslide and trampoline lol You came out to see if I was good, which I was. You were always mindful how I felt, I appreciated you for that.

Fast forward some years to 2017... I'm New Orleans, Well Mississippi just got back from NOLA because it's Essence Festival. I was in Walmart, having a very frustrating moment and I called you. I even sat in the parking lot and let you talk me off the ledge lol. You were good at that, because you were always able to find the humor in the situation. Which I later found out was your trauma response, and the anxiety you felt to always be the funny man in tough situations. I appreciate you for always pushing through that to cheer me up.

When I announced the birth of my 2nd son, you were beyond shocked, but at this point we had many ups and downs and were just in a neutral spot, or so I thought. I knew you would be hurt, but didn't really realize how hurt you would be.  The last time we spoke, was about a year ago? You were telling me about the daycare you and your family were starting, sending me pictures of the progress, and the physical work you did.

Do you remember comparing our love to that of a "90's rom com" ? lol your words! lol And it was.

I remember you asking me if I believed in Soul mates. You felt like we were, or we were connected somehow, because we would have the same exact dreams, or telepathically know how the other was feeling. People reading this, might think it's probably a soul tie. Assuming we had sex, but we never did. You respected me, and saw more value in my mind, in my heart and friendship, so we didn't jeopardize it. I thank you for that.

That is why I'm writing this. You've been on my heart and mind heavy this week. HEAVY okay? lol. I don't know what it means. I don't know if this is muscle memory, and it's time for us to catch up on our lives? I don't know if it's because I was deep in my depression, and stayed there far too long, and knew that only you could truly understand how I felt in those moments and needed my friend. I have no idea! I look back and realize apart of our situationship was codependency and was toxic at times. I saw depression, anxiety, and suicidal ideation from your perspective, a male perspective. I saw what it meant to have a loving family through yours. I know there were times I failed you as a friend, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for the nights you called because you needed me to talk you off the ledge and I wasn't there. I'm sorry for the times I got mad at you for not being there to talk me down. I'm sorry for the last argument we had. No excuses, we were both young and filled with anger, fear and just in need of love, and although we found comfort in one another, we didn't know how to properly navigate it with one another.

You know this has been in my drafts for months upon months?5 months to be exact. Publishing this, or finishing this would mean the end of our love story, and I never knew if I was ready for that. How can I hold on to something that happened so long ago? How could I hope that you would reach back out to me? How long should one wait? The crazy thing is I know you haven't forgotten me, and all we've been through. And I will never forget you. I know you feel the same.

So I'm going to publish this, as scary as it is to let other people into our world. Our relatively safe space. I'm doing it. I hope some how you see this and it makes you smile, and laugh and think of the good times we shared. I hope this gives perspective to those reading, and brings hope. In whatever way hope is needed, I hope it's found within this. 

I also hope this is freeing. It's okay to love, let go and love again as many times as you need to. Don't give up, because I haven't.

If you love someone tell them,

I love you all

signed,

Destaynee.

RELEASE THAT SHIT

The sun is shining so bright. It's probably over 90 degrees but the kiss from the sun is so warm, calm and familiar.

The tree's and the grass are so green, every so often the breeze blows to let you know you its okay.

it's okay to let go...

It's okay to release...

It's okay to release the sense of self doubt. Thoughts that were created because you trusted people, you opened up and shared with them. Only for those same people to shoot down your idea's, and tell you they could never work..

I release the fact that I for a moment believed them.

I release the fact that I went against my better judgement, my intuition, what I know to be true. 

I release the fact that trying to see the good in people who have proven to mean me no good, was a waste of time.

I release the pain and frustration that it has brought me.

I release the notion that I have to "tone it down" so people can receive me better.

I release the responsibility of explaining and over explaining who I am, and why I am.

I release the thought that I owe anybody other than my kids anything,

I release the negative thoughts as it pertains to my gifts and talents..

I'm am talented and gifted, and everyone may not see it, but the ones that do, get it.

I release the thoughts of feeling like I waited too late,

I release the fact that I'm out here alone, or that I''ll always be alone.

I am not alone, nor will I ever be.

Tonight is the full moon, and these are some of the things I'm releasing. Of course, releasing, and letting go of things, mind sets, attitudes, etc can be done at any given time. It's just extra special to do it with the full moon. Do as your spirit leads and guides you to do.

I would encourage you to release and let go of anything negative as soon and as often as possible. Far too often we hold on to things, words, experiences that hurt us and carry it with is. Not realizing how detrimental that is to our mental, emotional and even physical state of being.

Please find a way to release negativity, or hurtful things. For me the best way is to write it out, or verbalize it. I might got on a rant on IG, or call and talk to someone or even just talk to God, the tree's, my dogs lol. Other times I'll write it out in my journal. 

You might channel your emotions in other creative ways and that's fine, as long as you don't let it consume you.

Release that shit!

If you love someone tell them.

I love you all

Signed,

Destaynee aka Quiet Fire, 

Conscious Parenting

 As a mom of two boys, that was raised by a teacher and a preacher, that was also in the military, nobody expects me to be raise my kids in the manner in which I am, They expect me to be very strict and militant with my parenting.

Let me preface this by stating, this is not a bashing against my parents or the way in which they raised me. I'm thankful for the way I was raised. Do I agree with everything, no, but now that I'm a parent I can understand why things were done the way they were. 

The definition of conscious parenting to me, means to be intentional, mindful, aware and conscious of my interactions with my children. Taking the time to empathize with them, hear them, and let them know they are heard.

I didn't realize I was participating in this style of parenting until someone asked me why am I talking to my son and not whooping him. My response was why would I whoop him when I can ask him his reasoning for doing what he did and explain why that wasn't appropriate., which when you think about it, it makes all the sense. However, I think the final straw for me was when my son's dad whooped him but he whooped him because of his own ego and pride. He was angry, and used the whooping as a way to release the anger. When all he had to do was take a moment and revisit the incident, Mind you my oldest was probably 4 or 5 years old at the time. Nothing he did warranted a whooping of that magnitude. So in that moment I told myself and others, you dont discipline a child when your emotions are that high. (sometimes as parents we need to put ourselves in "time out" so we can think clearly)

youtube video on conscious parenting

Please dont think this journey, life style or choice is an easy one. I went through years of trying to determine what this look like for me and my son, all while experiencing his very challenging behavior. My oldest son, put me through it lol I was in the principals office more than the principal. I had more parent teacher meetings and conferences than the teachers combined. It was very difficult and challenging mentally and emotionally.  Also during this time, he had other relatives telling him "you have anger issues, your bad, etc" ... never anything positive, only negative.  ( I was working and relied on relatives to help out with pick ups and child care. so I was unaware of the things said.) It wasn't until years after the fact. My son and I sat down and I asked him why he behaved that way when he was younger. He told me because they kept telling me that's what I was, no matter what I did. Along with him not being able to fully express his emotions.

I made it my business to never have to rely on another person when it came to watching my kids. It's so very important that we protect their bodies, minds, spirits and souls. We also have to teach them how to protect it themselves. Teach them who they are, and if or when someone tries to tell them otherwise, they won't internalize it, they won't believe it and they won't become it. It's so easy for people to point out the negative, we have to make sure we're filling our kids up with so much positive, the negative won't stand a chance.

With my oldest son we don't have issues like we had in the past. He matured, but he also healed those areas. I have equipped him with skills to handle situations that may trigger those old wounds. Not to say he's perfect, but he's come along way, and I dont have to talk down to him, whoop him or anything to get him to act a certain way..

Now with my two year old, I'm so proud of how Im raising him because he's getting the most healed version of me. I'm with him 24/7 so I can be more mindful of who he's around and what's being said to him,. i'm so much more in tune with things now, than when I was at 20 years old. He is very clear on his boundaries. If a stranger starts talking to him in the store he says "no no no" and he might hold his hand up to say stop. LOL When I first saw it I was soooo impressed! If you ask him for a hug and he says no, I honor his no. I don't try to make him, nor do I say "wow, you won't hug your mom". I honor his feelings. I think it's very important to honor your kids' "No" so when they get older, they know that they have the option to say no, and that it's valid. I think a lot of the ways in which we (my generation) was raised, our feelings weren't validated. That can change with conscious parenting.

Now sometimes that "No" can back fire lol when I'm asking him to pick up his mess and he says "No", I would never "pop his legs" or whoop him. I would ask him, and explain to him how he needs to clean his mess. I will even guide him to the mess and help him clean up until he does it on his own. See the old way of parenting would be I told you, you better do it now and if you don't you'd get yelled at or whooped. No, that's not how we're handling things. 

The key thing to remember is kids, are humans just as we are. They have good days, not so good days, they have moods, emotions, feelings, hormones just as adults do. They just don''t know how to mange them or express them yet. It's our job as parents to support them when it comes to expressing and managing their emotions/feelings etc..

Yes they are our children, but they aren't our property, we can't force them to do anything or be anyway. All we can do is our best to nurture and guide them along this life journey. You give respect and you will receive it. You don't need to instill fear to get respect,

Also let me just say this as it pertains to infants. You can't spoil a baby, a baby can NOT manipulate you. Letting them "cry it out" is neglect. Co sleeping is perfectly fine! Your baby needs to be nurtured and as a parent that is what you should do! Don't allow anyone to make you feel bad about nurturing your kids.

I hope my good intentions were met with whomever is reading this.

I'm not perfect, but I'm doing my best, to be the best parent I can be to my sons. 

Ase'

If you love someone tell them.

I love you all.

Sincerely,

Destaynee

My Natural Hair Journey

 I realized I've never fully shared my journey as it pertains to my hair

I've been natural, most of my life. My mom would do my hair in two ponytails, or ponytails all over with different color hair ties and barrettes. The good ol days, of getting your hair washed in the sink, with a rolled up towel under your neck for support and bracing yourself for the shock of the cold water that eventually turned warm. Whew! Im "tendered headed", so the wash would be fine, my issue was the detangling and the styling. Hell, even parting would bring so much pain lol I would literally cry, actual tears any and almost any time someone touched me hair lol

When it came to Holidays, picture days or, special occasions, my mom would pull out the "hot comb" , the blue magic grease and oil sheen. Lol countless mornings that resulted in ear burns with butter, that only made the burn worse lol I could smell the heat of the hot comb now. A memory in most black girls lives, that will go unforgotten.

It wasn't until I was in 5th grade when I asked my mom if I could get a perm. She had a perm and most of the women and black girls around me had perms. I felt like I was a baby being the only one getting me hair done, by my mom while everyone else had perms. My best friend in 5th grade, Kameshia had a perm and her hair was so thick, long and glorious, I wanted my hair to be just like hers! After begging and pleading my mom finally gave in and I got a perm. ( I was actually in 6th grade at this point.).

The perm was "okay" in the beginning, but as the months and years went by I started noticing the damage. My hair started getting thinner and started to break off drastically! I think I was in 9th grade when my cousin came to visit, and she had recently cut off all her hair (which we now call a big chop). Her and my auntie shared with me how the perm has messed up her hair, and my hair was showing signs of the same damage, and that I needed to just cut it off. Shortly after, my aunite  "big chopped" my hair. I had the smallest little boy afro an I cried!! I said "mom, I look like a little boy". Thankfully, my auntie is amazing at doing hair and I received my first set of micro braids..

For a year I wore variations of micro braids and traditional box braids until I felt comfortable wearing my hair. I will never forget the first day of my 11th grade year, My hair was straightened and pressed so perfectly. I was excited. Chile when one of my friends touched my hair and said "wow, your hair is so curly" I about died.... "Curly???? What do you mean my hair is so curly???" ... I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror and my hair had completely reverted back to it's natural state... There was nothing I could do, but accept it. (There was and is no point in fighting the humidity in Florida.) After that, I primarily wore my hair in my signature two puff ponytails "minnie mouse" if you will lol. and occasional braids whenever my aunt or my sister was able to braid my hair. Most of the girls around me had perms, or had different hair textures, braids and sew-ins,

When I entered 12th grade, I'll never forget someone telling me I needed a perm. (the irony because years later this very person messaged me on facebook asking for tips on how to grow out her hair), That kinda bothered me, because I started thinking, should I get a perm? I am a senior now, and Im a little too old for the ponytails. I gave into peer pressure and asked my mom yet again for a perm. She reminded me " you know what happened last time"... I didn't care because I thought I was older and now my hair could handle it. So I got a perm right in time for homecoming. I had a standing appointment with my hair stylist and everything... After prom, I stopped getting my hair permed and let it grow out. (we now know that to be transitioning.). 

I think I transitioned for about maybe 6 months and thought it was so stupid! The two different textures in my hair was difficult to deal with, so one day I just went in the mirror and cut all the permed ends off. At this point I was a freshman in college, and my co-worker/classmate was going through the same thing so it was nice to have someone to relate to, Most of the people in my family were still permed, and couldn't understand why I would go back natural.........(plot twists baby, they're all natural now!)

The next few years I experimented with sew-ins, braids, and kinky twists. Once I got kinky twists I felt like that's how I was and have always been, "a dread headed hippie."

Around this time youtube and natural hair care had became extremely popular and such a helpful tool when it came to figuring out how to take care of your natural hair along with various ways to style it. I think I almost tried every hair style except for curlformers.  I never thought they would work for my hair so I didn't want to waste my time lol. The crazy thing about it, is I would watch a tutorial of a girl with a completely different texture than mine and expect my hair to turn out the same lol.

After experimenting with different hairstyles, I found my signature look.. But then the crochet braids and faux locs surfaced and I was in heaven lol I could protect my hair with crochet braids or faux locs all while looking exactly like my hair. I dabbled in wigs for maybe a year or two, but soon got tired of spending hundreds of dollars for human hair wigs, and making sure my lace was unclockable... girl the concept of a wig is great, but its far too much maintain for me,

 

When 2020 came and the pandemic started, I just felt like what time is better than now? Why not live out your dreams, and do the things you want to do for yourself regardless of what people think. So I loc'd my hair June 24th 2020.

I knew I wanted sister loc's since my freshman year of college. My class mate had sisterlocs and they were glorious! I knew if I got loc's I wanted them to be like that. I've always maintained my own hair (besides the sew ins and box braids) so I didn't want to go to a sisterloctition so I did them myself.

I washed my hair, let it air dry and a few days later just started to do two strand twists. It took 5 days for me to install my twists. A Month later I interloc'd the root, leaving the twists to remain twisted. I had a lot of slippage, but I did not retwist the twists that came loose. I dealt with a lot of frizziness, and still do. 

A Year later and I still deal with frizziness, I have budding, I have some loc's that have fully loc'd, a lot  of them have not yet. I wash my hair on a need basis. I spritz my hair with rose water or aloe vera juice and I oil my scalp with my mixture of oils. I put my special shea butter mix on my loose curly ends and that's about it. I haven't added loc jewelry and I don't plan on adding color any time soon.

I'm very excited to be on this loc journey and I look forward for what's to come.

I'm also documenting my hair journey via my youtube channel ( youtube.com/Naturallydes )

Be sure to subscribe so you won't miss out on any updates!

If you love someone tell them.

I love you all!

MY IMAGINATION

 

Would you believe me if I told you I think about you more often then I'd ever admit?

I could close my eyes right now and envision you standing there, looking fine, smelling good and smiling bright. 

Damn, you're so fine.

I often think about how things would be if I wasn't so shy when it came to you.

The things I wish I could say to you.

To pick your brain, or just vibe out with you.

You told me you're just a phone call away, yet I can't pick up my phone. 

I can't press send on the message I've already typed out.

I can't press call next to your name.

I don't know what it is about you,

OR what it is about me, that causes me to get this way about you.

I think it's the fear of rejection, or the fear of messing "this" up, or the self sabotage, because like I know, you know where this could go.

I wonder, do I ever cross your mind?

Do you get this shy feeling when you see me?

Or have I just created this fantasy in my head and made you the way I want you to be?

Is this even real?

Would you even be there, If I picked up the phone and called?

Are you even as real as I think you are?

Is the "self sabotage" really my inner self protecting me from yet another heart break?

Damn,

See how that anxiety just comes and kicks in the door, unwarranted?

Damn..........

To the guys in my dreams, the one's on tv, even the one's that used to live across the street.

If you love someone tell them,

I love you

Signed,

Destaynee

STIMULUS CHECKS

BIG STIMULATO

It's been about a year since we've been living in a Panoramic. We've been quarantine, we've been wearing masks we can barely breathe in, sanitizing etc. People have lost their lives, people have recovered, and some have dodged it all together. (some of us believe we had it, in Dec 2019) Regardless of how you feel about it, the government has decided to send out relief funds. (Shout out to Money Bags Joe!!) Some would argue it's not enough, some would say, be happy we're getting something. I'm not here to argue either point.

However, I'm in a couple "mom groups" on facebook and a few questions have been raised.

What are you doing with your stimmy?

How much are you giving your baby daddy?

What are you buying your kids?

Those are the main questions I've been seeing, and every time I see them I roll my eyes!

First of all can we normalize, not discussing what we're doing with our money? It's absolutely nobodies business what you do with your money.. Good or bad,  Stimmy with kids or without kids. Period, it's yours.

Some of the mom's in the group argued that moms should give some of their stimulus check to the father of their kids..... The reason was because it's not just your kid(s).... again, mind ya damn business! Everyone's relationship or lack thereof with the father of their kids, is different and Nobodies business! They also mentioned, well if he pays child support he should get a cut.... chile... is he going to use the money for the child, just as you're expecting the mother to? If he's not the custodial parent, he's probably not...

Another argument is that the money should solely be spent on the kids. period. You're getting extra because of the kids, it should be theres... is what some moms are saying. The other end of that argument is Christmas just passed, if the kids are taken care of, they have no needs other than saving for future, and birthdays etc.

My issue with the many posts I saw, were people tried to make other moms feel bad about whatever they shared they would do. Its nobodies business, but I think people forget that we've been in the panini for a year now. Some people's incomes were greatly effected. Living situations may have changed, bills didn't stop even when the world did so many factors go into play.

My thing is, I don't share with the world, or anybody when I'm getting additional money. It's just not anyone's business, and I'm damn sure not going to discuss with a bunch of people my plans for it, especially when I know and see how judgmental they are.

I know everyone reading may not be a mom, or have kids but regardless, your money is your money. Your life is your life, you decide what you want to do with it. Don't allow anyone to guilt you, or make you feel bad for what you want to do with your money. Also, I think it's important that people "normalize" treating themselves. Do something special or nice for yourself. Again, we've been living in very strange times,. Times none of us have truly experienced before, and we are owed some grace. We aren't going to always get that from other people, so give it to yourself!

All in all.. do what you feel is best. Frankly I'm tried of these arguments, and will continue to scroll on past them. 

Live and let live!

If you love someone tell them,

I love you.

Des

One Of Those Days - Mommy Moment

Today was a challenge,

Work was too much...

My son's teacher claimed he's missing assignments, I watched him turn in...

The youngest literally cried all day about some damn chips!!

Toys all over the floor...

I was literally at the end of my rope.

I wanted to cry, which I did..

I wanted to scream..

I wanted to break something..

I wanted to call someone who would come and bring me a hug, a smoothie... and a listening ear..

I don't know if it's because I didn't really eat much today..

I don't know it it's sleep deprivation, post partum depression..

I don't know if one of those planets are in retrograde (sipping, haterade, getting micro braids whatever)

I don't know if because people are tripping over the pandemic, or the domestic terrorism and so energies are crazy or what.

This post wasn't going to be this way.

I was really downing myself, and feeling like a failure, because I did get upset.

I did raise my voice.

I did get an attitude with his teacher; cause trick, are you tryina sabotage my son's grades?

I did quit my job, .....in my head.

I did let my emotions get the best of me.

I wrote this post a couple times, all in different ways. I had to realize I was way too hard on myself.

I don't know how to stop being so hard on myself, as it is a trauma response.

I'm sharing this because while you all might not be parents, or working, we all have "those days".

Those days where things just aren't going the way in which you expected, planned or intended.

Let this be your reminder to breathe, stretch, shake, let it go (word to Mase)

You're feelings and emotions are valid.

It's okay to feel how you feel for how ever long you need to feel....

Just don't stay there.

We're are all doing our best! Don't beat yourself down.

If you love some one tell them.

I love you,

Signed,

Des

Affirmations

I am beautiful.

I am Love.

I am Loved.

I am Powerful.

I am abundant in everyway.

I am Healed.

I am a Healer.

I am a Teacher, and a student.

I am Successful.

I am Protected.

I am Wealthy.

I have Joy.

I am Peace.

I am Chosen.

I am an amazing Mother.

I am a kind.

I am caring.

I am water.

But I'm also a quiet fire.

These are just a few of the affirmations, I say while in the shower. I would like to encourage you to turn off the music, while showering and using that time to speak life into yourself. There is something so powerful and healing about water and our words and if we can combine them together we will grow something beautiful. Just like we water our plants and flowers and speak to them, we have to do the same for ourselves.

Regardless if you are affected by the recent events that have taken place, or if you are experiencing personal battles, it's exhausting experiencing life changing events every couple of days. We have to take care of ourselves, mentally and emotionally along with the physical. So be mindful of the music you listen to and the things you say to and about yourself. Our words have more power than some of us know and we have to be intentional with them.

So take a few moments out of your day, in the shower, in the mirror, in the car, in your backyard, wherever you can find a moment and speak life into yourself.

If you love someone, tell them.

I love you,

Signed,

Destaynee