Is Natural hair professional?

The hardest decision I’ll have to make will be on how to wear my hair tomorrow for my interview. You might be thinking, “umm why is that such a hard decision?” “Why is that a big deal” “I thought you weren’t your hair?” Truth is I am my hair. Not for vain reasons, but because that’s one of the main things people see when they see me, or anyone for that matter. People determine things about you by looking at your hair. Just as people pre judge you by the way you dress, they judge you by the way you wear your hair especially if you’re a black woman with natural hair. I can’t speak nor will I try to speak for anyone other than myself, although I’m sure some of my natural sista’s can agree. The struggle is real.

You see, our hair is finally being accepted in the main stream. (Now I know back in the day when everyone wearing an afro it was okay. I wasn’t born then so I don’t know how well accepted or not accepted natural hair was back in those days. I would be interested on hearing from someone back in those days that can recall if there was an issue about it.) We are finally seeing sista’s on the commercials, little girls on the cartoons, and women in the movies with natural hair. Though one texture is usually represented (those with a looser, wavy curl pattern) at least we have a representation of some sort. I believe it’s up to us to embrace our own hair for the texture we were blessed with, and then others will have no choice but to accept it. (Check out my video on youtube. Accepting your natural hair) That includes, accepting one another’s hair texture. The whole “light skin dark skin” debacle has transferred to our hair(in terms of texture and length). Both are still and will always be very ignorant.

Shout out to Nick Jr. Love this little natural girl

In the past, going on job interviews I would straighten my hair. I would sit up the night before blow drying my hair, and flat ironing it, just for it to be puffy later the next day. Risking heat damage, straightening out my beautiful curls, just to be “accepted” by someone that should be looking at my resume and what I have to offer as a potential employee. Sadly that’s not always the case. At my current job my hair has been the topic of discussion multiple times. It’s been called “wild, crazy, different, it’s been compared to other black women’s hair. You name it, I’m sure I’ve heard it. I know people that aren’t natural (maybe even those that are) may see natural hair as “unkempt”, but that’s not the case.

What I’ve noticed over the years is, people are threatened by someone who accepts the “different” things about themselves.  Bullies can’t bully you when you’ve accepted the things they wanted to bully you for. Same things apply to our natural hair, and anything else.

What I would tell my natural sista’s going on an interview, entering into a new job, or just in life in general.

 Sis your hair is perfectly fine, don’t let society’s tunnel vision of what beauty is discourage you. Wear your hair as big as you want, as short as you want, as curly as you want, it’s yours. Your hair is an expression of you in many ways. Your hair IS professional, your hair IS acceptable, and your hair IS beautiful! Your natural hair IS good enough. Don’t feel the need to unnecessarily straighten it, to appease the minds of others. Don’t consider potentially damaging your hair because other people have problems accepting you and something that is a part of you, and your ethnicity. They have the problems not you! If you get the job, praise God. If you don’t praise him, because God closes doors to protect his children, consider yourself watched out for. ;-) Sis just don’t ever feel the need to change something God given. He makes no mistakes.

Last week, my semi flexi rod set

I will no longer give any thought towards what I will do with my hair for tomorrow. Why? Because my hair doesn’t reflect who I am as a worker, it doesn’t reflect my potential, and it doesn’t reflect my capabilities as a potential employee.That's what my resume is for ;-)

Be you, stay true, and love you!

If you love someone tell them

I love you

Destaynee

Does not kissing equate purity?

Does not kissing equate purity?

This is a question I’ve been wanting to ask, but never really knew how to ask it. Until tonight, when I just straight out asked. I know a lot of the people I follow/ follow me on twitter also follow Heather Lindsey. I reference her a lot because she is such a big impact and role model to Christian women. Most people know her story, but to give a little back ground. Her and her now husband, agreed not to kiss until their wedding day. When she shared that story, everyone took on that conviction as their own. Suddenly everyone was “convicted” about kissing before their wedding day. I will admit, I too was one of those people. Suddenly hit with “conviction” about kissing, something I never really thought about. I never really saw the issue nor the significance.

Now that I’ve grown a little more, I still don’t see the issue or significance. (I’m referring to kissing someone that you are in a serious relationship with. I am neither condoning nor promoting going around and kissing any and everybody. I do believe we are to be guarding our heart, from things that may cause us to “stumble” in our pursuit to remain pure. That’s why it’s important to have your own convictions, and know them.) People take kissing and immediately equate it to purity. News flash, purity is an issue of the heart. You can abstain from sexual intercourse, but watch porn religiously. Does the fact that you aren’t sexually active make you “pure”? Just because you choose not to kiss until your wedding day doesn’t mean never lusted after that person sexually.

I’m not knocking those that want to wait until their wedding day to kiss; I just don’t want people to believe that is a cure all to purity and lust issues.

What about a kiss is impure? Do we not kiss our mothers, fathers, brothers and sisters? I know you’re saying “That’s completely different” Well what about those deacons at church that kiss you on the cheek every Sunday? What about those friends from high school/ college you reconnect with, and kiss you on the cheek? Should we not be allowing that? It all comes back to what are your intentions. A deacon from the church might kiss you on the cheek, you see it as harmless because “he’s a deacon”, but he might have a whole different intent behind it. You might kiss the person you’re in a relationship with, but that kiss might not have lustful intentions. Your text messages might, the way you pose in the pictures you send might, the clothes you wear around them might, the way he touches you or hugs you might have lustful intentions behind it. But we don’t talk about these other things; we just focus solely on kissing before marriage. (FYI the bible speaks on abstaining from fornication, (sex) before marriage, correct me if I’m missing, the no kissing part.)

Now I understand kissing might be a gateway to lead some people into lusting after their significant other. If you know that is your issue, then don’t kiss. Protect yourself from all things that might cause you to fall. It boils down to knowing yourself. Know your vice, and know your weaknesses.

I got enough feedback from my lovely friends on twitter to know that I’m not alone in this thought. Waiting until marriage to kiss is not a cure to remaining pure, nor will you go to hell for kissing before marriage lol.

I was hesitant to write this also for the fact that there might be “babes” in Christ reading. I don’t want to cause any confusion, but I can’t express having your own convictions enough. We are called to be like Christ, not like other Christians. Though having role models, and people to look up to in Christ is fine, and helpful, you still need to find out your convictions. Your convictions may not be the same as mine and vice versa, and that is perfectly fine! I think we lose the freedom that comes with this relationship when we allow others to tell us what to do and what not to do. This is your relationship. Getting to know God will help you to get to know yourself, and you will know what your boundaries/convictions are.

Some people might see this as “stirring the pot”; I just like to have real life conversations, about real life issues’; I like to challenge people’s thought process. Think outside of the box; think outside of what everyone else is doing. Why are you doing, what you’re doing? Do you even know? Everyone isn’t waiting for marriage to kiss their mate, and they shouldn’t be made to feel bad about it.

So what are your thoughts on kissing before marriage?

If you’re married, is this something you did, or something you considered?

If you’re dating, is this a conversation you’ve had with your bf/gf?

If you’re single, have you thought about this? Does it even matter?

I like to share my point of view respectively, and I’d like to hear yours respectively.

If you love someone tell them

I love you

Destaynee

[Added June 3.2014]

So last-night, after having this discussion with my twitter friends, I've gained another perspective. Most of the people that responded to my question were already married, and shared that they did not wait until their wedding day to share their first kiss. Most of them said they never considered it, some said they needed that intimacy(not sexual, but kissing is a form of expression). Another perspective that was brought to my attention by a man was that some men see that as being "teased", and "can't handle" being 'teased'. So for them to not kiss would be setting up boundaries to protect themselves, which is smart! I believe all relationships should have boundaries. The couple, needs to be real and honest with themselves, and do what's best for them. Regardless of what others are doing or aren't doing. It was also suggested that the couple have an accountability partner,which again is a great idea! Only one person really said they would wait until they were married, they said it was a mixture of a goal and a conviction.Which is great. I'm all for putting yourself to the test, and making goals, in whatever capacity.

So again the floor is open, what are you opinions or views on the topic? Let me know!

If you love someone tell them

I love you

Destaynee :)