When God say's No

Have you ever gone to church and got exactly what you needed?  Of course you have, and that is exactly what happened to me today! I’m going to share the sermon my Pastor (Willie C Barnes) preached today (well my notes from the sermon, and my take on it). The title of his sermon was “When God says no”  2 Corinthians 12:7-10

This sermon was right on time for the New Year. A lot of people like to “name and claim” things and then get so discouraged when God says “No” or doesn’t answer their prayer in the way they want it to be answered. We take certain scriptures (usually out of context.) and try to justify why God should just give us what we want right when we ask it. (Ask God in the context of his plan) As Children of God we have to remember and fully understand that for one God is not a personal genie, but he sits on the throne and he has a plan. In Jeremiah 29:11 it says that God’s plan is to give us an expected end. We know our expected end. We know its victory; it’s winning and reigning with Christ! We have to go into our situations already KNOWING that regardless of what happens, you came into this a champion and you will walk away the same!

 Not only does God have a plan, but he has a purpose. He has all given us a purpose on this earth.  We all have a purpose and that is to spread the gospel. Now the way you do it, is another purpose, and that purpose is armed with the gifts God has given you to fulfill that said purpose.  God’s purpose for our lives might result in him saying no to us. We may want to leave our job to go do something else, but how do you know it’s not God’s purpose for you to be there and minister to those around you on your job? (I can give testimony to that. I’ve wanted to leave my job, but God had/has me here to minister to coworkers, and people I came in contact with while at work.) We have to remember though we plan and come up with a reason and a purpose to do things, we have to remember, if we’re about Kingdom business, we have to put God’s plan and purpose first. We have to trust God and his purpose. Proverbs 3:5 says “trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding”. We know that God is not going to steer us wrong. It may not make sense to us, but we can trust God, because all things work together!

God has a plan, and purpose and a will. God’s will for our lives is salvation. That is why he sent his son Jesus Christ to die on the cross for our sins. That was God’s will. We have to have such a trust and a faith in God that we are okay with abandoning our will for his will. Even Jesus had to abandon his will for God’s in Luke 22:42 “saying, Father if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine be done”.  We have to get comfortable with saying “nevertheless not my will, but thine be done” That phrase is so profound. It shows the faith, the trust, the confidence that one has in God. Your humbling yourself and saying “God, I really think I should try it this way, but because you’re omnipotent, because you’re omniscient, because you’re omnipresent, because you’re Jehovah Jireh, because you’re Jehovah Nissi, because you’re Jehovah Rapha, because you’re the great I am, because you’re alpha and omega, and everything in between, because you can’t change, because you won’t lie, because you will never leave me nor forsake me, because you first loved me, I will abandon my will, for your perfect will.

Now I know it’s easier said than done to abandon or will for God’s, simply because we think we know what we’re doing, when God has shown us time and time again that we don’t. It’s easier to hold on and do the things we can see, instead of stepping out and trusting something we are unsure of. Completely normal for us to have those feelings and thoughts, but we can’t let that fear (that’s basically what it boils done to) override doing what we know is best, which is trusting God.

Sometimes God’s “No” is his way of keeping us humble. It's his way of keeping us seeking after him, it's keeping us needing him and remembers where our help comes from. His No helps us remember his power. If God gave some of us some of the things we prayed for we would absolutely lose it. Some people might even put those things in the place of God and have idols. If God gave you that husband/wife or that job promotion you’ve been praying for, would you keep God at the forefront of your life? Would you begin to worship that job or that husband/wife. Would you look to praise the doctors instead of God if he had given you that healing right then and there? 2 Corinthians 12:9 says “And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee; for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest”.  

God’s No is grace and favor. God’s No is power in our weakness; God’s no is promoting humility, and exercising our faith in him.

 God’s no is really yes.

If you love someone tell them

I love you

Destaynee

What would cause a Christian to leave their local church?

From reading the title, I’m sure your brain has already formulated reasons as to why a Christian would leave their local church. Reasons like money hungry pastors, taking multiple “offerings”, preachers preaching word that is not sound doctrine, preaching opinion’s and personal biases as opposed to the gospel, preaching prosperity and not salvation, messy ministries, and church member’s etc. There are various reasons why a Christian would leave their local church.

Have you ever met someone that was spiritually sound, but when it came time to inquire about what church they attend, they say “Oh I don’t belong to a local church”, and when you invite them to your church, they say “Oh thank you, but I’m sure I won’t be visiting”. When I heard this response, I was like wow she either doesn’t feel the need to have an under-shepherd who she can learn from and grow spiritually, or she’s been hurt by the church in the past. I usually go with the latter, because what Christian wouldn’t want to learn and grow more spiritually? I can’t judge people that leave their local church because recently I’ve been faced with the same decision.

Now there is nothing bad I can say about my local church. I love my Pastor and the ministers, and the minister’s wives, and some of the other lovely people I’ve come in contact since being here.( a lot of them, have really embraced me, especially me being a single mother) The only problem I have with the physical church(any church), are the people inside, pretending and posing to be a part of THEE church. I’m talking about the “aints”, not to be mistaken as saints. (I know someone somewhere is saying, well aren’t you judging folks?) Well somewhere in 1 Thessalonians 5:12 is says “And we beseech you, brethren, to know them which labour among you, and are over you in the Lord and admonish you”  and in the 22nd verse says "Abstain from all appearance of evil". You need to know who you’re dealing with. You need to know not only so you can guard your heart, because you can’t receive everything from everyone. Also so you can know how to speak to them, can’t feed a baby meat, they need milk. So it’s not for judgmental reasons.

For the record, leaving the local church does not mean one has turned their back on God or on their faith. It’s not easy to deal with God’s “special” children. Also Church is for relationship reasons, building your relationship with Christ. Not for ritual or social reasons. Sadly a lot of Christians don’t realize they are doing things religiously and for social status within the church instead of for their relationship with Christ or fulfilling their service to God. Only what’s done for God will stand.

 Just because one leaves their church doesn’t mean they can’t do God’s work.  A lot of ministries (in my opinion) might be more effective if they got involved more with the community. Reach those that are ashamed to come to the church because of the judgment and lack of love and mercy shown to those that may have fallen. God meets us where we are; let’s meet others where they are too.

I’ve been faced with the decision to leave my local church or to stay. I know you’re wondering, well Des if you love your church so much, what would cause you to contemplate leaving it? That’s a very fair question.

As I stated more so on facebook and twitter, past few months have been extremely rough. Long story short some unresolved issues within my family resurfaced causing a major disconnect and misunderstanding and miscommunication. A man from my church, whom I thought was trustworthy (because I saw him in church, he was friendly not only to my son, but to other boys wanting to learn to play the drums) extended his hand to help my son and I out during these trying times opened his house to my son and myself.  Granted during this time I was depressed, had an anxiety attack, my world was up in the air and I wasn’t sure what was what. I was extremely vulnerable. This man who is 30years plus years my senior posing to have the 4 P’s (a provider, a priest, a protector and a prophet) but really had the other 4 P’s( predator, pretender, perpetrator, and phony) not only preyed on my vulnerability, but took advantage of it. Manipulation, control, scare tactics using God, twisting of scripture to not only get what he wanted, but to control and scare to say the least. This person lied/shared about everything I’ve disclosed to them to other people, probably more than I know.

I know you’re saying well Destaynee, you’re very mature spiritually how could you allow someone to twist scripture and do all these things. Again, fair question, but until you’re in the situation you’ll never know how you’ll respond. I was at one of the lower points of my life and felt as though I had no one. I was a perfect candidate for someone with a sinister plan and scheme; I appear quite vulnerable being a single parent who writes a very transparent blog. One thing is for sure is that I’m a child of God, and God has a great way of protecting his children. Though this experience has been traumatic to Daniel and myself, God held my hand through it all, and he will continue to.

Age does NOT equate wisdom nor does it equal spiritual soundness or spiritual understanding or correct interpretation of the scriptures.

False prophets are NOT limited to the tv screens, or the pulpit. They are everywhere on fb, Twitter, in the church, in the choir, etc... Don’t be fooled into thinking false prophets only "look" one way. Everyone in the church.... is not in THEE church.

Know God for yourself, know the word for yourself and discern, discern discern!

Also if a person has to convince you they are being “led” by God, they usually aren’t, and are just using God to manipulate you. When a person is led by God, they don’t have to announce it every time “God speaks to them”, because of the peace God will give to those in the situation.

(Disclaimer: My blog is not to bash, anyone or anything I talk about. It is solely to give my experiences and to share what I’ve learned. I know I’m not the only person facing the things I’ve faced, so I’m giving a voice to those too shy to speak up or a relief to those that think they are alone. Being a PK, I know what it’s like not being able to talk to anyone, so I want to be that for others, and I want my blog to be that for others also. We will overcome by the blood of the lamb, and the word of our testimony. Testimony’s are to be shared, regardless of how small or how big, how popular or unpopular. Every time I write, I’m risking judgment, from my peers, family, friends, strangers whomever. I’m to the point, where my life is not about me. We go through things not only for us to learn, but to help someone else, and for God to get the glory. My whole life is a testimony of God’s love for me, his keeping power, being my provider, his mercy and grace showered upon me. I can’t keep quiet about it, no matter how a person may look down on me or exile me.)

As far as me leaving my church, I feel my reasons would be valid, but satan, can’t beat me that easily. If I can sit in the same building with a man that raped me, surely I can be in the same building as someone that tried to ruin me and my family.

Forgiveness is divine, trust me, I couldn’t do it on my own.

If you love someone tell them

I love you

Sincerely,

Once was blinded, but now has perfect vision.

Destaynee

Bullying isn't limited to the school house...

        Bullying isn’t limited to the school house. Bullying can be found in church houses, in grandma’s house, your aunts’ house, and the houses and homes of people all across America. Bullying doesn’t stop when families gather for Holiday’s, it’s only intensified, because more bullies are together, more people to bully and more opportunities to hide the bullying, under a culture filled with falseness.  

        Unfortunately, my son and I experienced bullying this Thanksgiving. I’m not sure why I expected anything different. Now I know NO family is perfect, every family has its issues, people alone have issues. When a group of people with various issues get together, things are bound to happen. (This isn’t just in my family, but this is any group of people) I guess the problem is expectation. Expecting people to WANT to grow and mature, and change their ways. Change doesn’t come easy as an expectation, people have to WANT change. The problem is, if no-one ever confronts the things that need to change, they’re being encouraged, and no-one will see a problem with it. We have to speak up against wrong doing.

        The bullying started after everyone had eaten and was full. (No, actually right before we were going to eat, my cousin, who is really a miracle a triple amputee, wanted to bless the food. So he did, he was nervous and stumbled while saying his prayer, and everyone laughed, to the point someone else had to interject and finish the prayer. My heart broke, and I said, that’s not funny, you did a great job. Afterwards, jokes started pouring in on him. I love jokes, but not at the expense of someone being embarrassed or their feelings being hurt.)Now I’ve learned my lesson with my family. These days I’m just a fly on the wall listening and observing, if you go against one, be prepare to take on everyone. (That’s the gang mentality/culture of falseness) So I just have side bar conversations with whoever wants to talk.

        Many things were said about people, people snickering and talking about the friends that some family members, invited to share this day with us. Someone had the audacity to call out a person that they met for the first time, because they had a jacket that didn’t meet their standard of what one should wear. I was so embarrassed, that a comment was made openly to where that person could hear. My reflex was to say, “Wow, that’s not nice”.

        Now the adults bully each other so frequently, they probably don’t even realize that’s what it is. I believe they have been conditioned to do this, to the point that if it’s not done, the family probably couldn’t operate. It’s a constant state of people being picked on talked about or isolated. I’m one of those that seem to get isolated. (Bullying has happened in the past, but ever since I stood my ground, they know they can’t influence me or affect me, because their opinions of me mean nothing.) They think they can isolate me, but you can’t isolate a person that doesn’t want to be involved with whatever is going on. So they were creating a “group me” (which is a like a chat room, where you select who can be a part of it, and you all can message back and forth) for the family, they went around the room and called everyone’s name to add them except me. As this happened, all I could think was, why are people so immature and petty? Then one of my aunt’s said, is everyone in the group, Des are you in? She knows I wasn’t in, that was her way of passive aggressively trying to make a statement. I replied, “No, I was not invited to be a part of you all’s group”. Then she said oh we'll add, you. I said “No thank you”. I said No, because if I wasn’t considered enough to be invited the first hour they were discussing it, I don’t want to be a part of it. Some of you may think it was petty of me, to not to accept the very late invitation. One thing I do know is that you have to teach people how to treat you. Had I accepted that, I’d be accepting half way apologies and second thought invitations for the rest of my life. I needed them to know what they did was not appreciated, and that I don’t need to be involved with things like that. My validation and my worth, does not come from humans. Relatives, church people, or coworkers, my worth comes from Christ and Christ alone.

        The problem with the adults bullying one another in front of the kids is that the kids to the same exact thing. Just as I was bullied, so was my son. Now my son is the youngest of all the cousins that gather together on a regular basis. Somehow one of my cousins that are in their twenties is always involved with bullying. This time while all the kids were playing in the front yard at night, one of my cousins decided to put Daniel over the fence into the neighbor’s yard. Four other people in their twenties witnessed this, as well as the younger kids but no one stopped him and no one came and told me. Daniel ran in the house scared and frantic. Yes I confronted my cousin, but of course he didn’t see anything wrong with it. Well here are a few things that are wrong with it: a dog could’ve been in the yard and attacked Daniel. A snake could’ve been in the grass, someone could’ve snatched him or he could’ve run out into the street and God forbid got hit by a car. Not to mention, nobody should have their hands on my child. Now I was placed with a decision, because I was supposed to work Black Friday, but now I’m concerned about my child’s safety, with my family. I stayed around so that I could make a good decision and really here what God was saying to me.

        Hours and hours later, we all went to my aunt’s house, to allow grandma some time to rest. Bullying didn’t stop there; it went with us over to my aunt’s house. The kids were in the back room, and something told me to go check on them. Firstly the door was locked, and after they opened it, Daniel was bent over holding his stomach crying. One of my bullying cousins punched him in the stomach. At this point I was livid. I went off on the kids, telling them that you don’t hit or hurt your cousins and how somebody should’ve came and told, and how they need to keep their hands to themselves etc. This is when I knew I needed to get Daniel and just go. I was faced with risking my child’s safety, with my family, or risking getting in trouble for calling out of work. I decided to risk it with work. God is my ultimate provider and if they can’t understand well, I’m trusting God.

God has entrusted me with my son. He gave him to me, I have to protect him, and I have to take care of him. Leaving him in an environment where he is obviously targeted is not a risk I’m willing to make.

        The bible instructs us to love our neighbor as you love yourself. Also in Matthew 5:44 Jesus says “ But I say unto you, love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.”

        I don’t love my family any less for the bullying that goes on, because I see the issues that are far beyond the surface. In my restoration class, we were challenged to see those that offended us in the eyes of God. See a person the way God sees them, the way God sees you, as one of his children that he loves so dearly. Yes God loves the people that do wrong to you. He doesn’t love what they are doing, but he loves them, and we too must love.

        I am not saying, just stand around and be a punching bag, physically or verbally, please understand who you are in Christ. Know that you weren’t given the spirit of fear, but of power LOVE and of a sound mind. You are royalty and you don’t have to stand for foolishness, but you can correct a person lovingly. You can address the offenses that were made unto you lovingly. You can address those involved, lovingly just as God does us. When we mess up regardless of how he corrects us, it’s done IN LOVE. If we are striving to be Christ like, we need to operate in love even with bullies.

        This post is not in ANY way shape or form to “put my family on blast”. This is for those that don’t have a voice to speak up against bullying, this is for those that are bullied and think they’re alone, and this is for those that may be doing the bullying.Bullying affects more people that you know, and it is one of the causes of low self-esteem, and feeling of loneliness. I strongly believe in transparency, I think the world has enough false images and situations out there, we the body needs the realness, and the raw truth.

Hebrews 10:4 says “And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works”

If you love someone tell them

I love you

Destaynee

Sex sells, even for Christians??

Last night I went to his lounge spot in downtown Orlando to support my brother in Christ, and his band. (Synergy) I usually don’t go anywhere downtown, because it’s usually not my scene. I felt okay; because I know the people inviting me wouldn’t invite me to something “ratchet” or to a place I’d be uncomfortable.

The place was nice, real smooth classy but relaxed. They were serving soul food, and they had two live bands playing. (Their rendition of battle of the bands, in support of Classic Weekend). Nice seating, candle lit, actually a pretty nice place for a night out with friends or a date. The band of course was great. The music they played was mostly old school stuff, with a little bit of new school, so that was cool.

This establishment is owned by a black woman, a black Christian woman. That was very inspiring to see. Nice place, good bands playing, but then I saw the waitresses/servers.....

The waitresses/servers were young black girls probably in their early to mid-twenties, which is cool, but their attire is what struck me. Here we are in this nice place, good wholesome fun, but every time I turn around I see buttcheeks. The waitresses/servers had on crop tops, and high waist booty shorts. Not just short shorts, but actual booty shorts where their booty was hanging out. This kind of caught me off guard. I know we’re downtown and this is the atmosphere, but this is a Christian owned establishment!

Now before you get in your feelings and say “Destaynee, stop judging the owner! You don’t know her story; she has to make money, blah blah blah”. We in the body love to throw around the “J” word, unfortunately we throw this word around more than the most important “J” word, which is Jesus.  Understand this is not a judgment, this is my observation!(and my blogpost lol) Christian owned business, but still using sex to sell?

I was quite disappointed to see because we as Christians don’t have to stoop to the levels of the world to become successful, or to have fun!! I was also disappointed because I don’t know the waitresses, so I can’t say if they are believers or not, but I was just thinking of the message that is being sent to them. Yes they applied for the job; yes they agreed to wear the uniforms, but to be exploiting yourself in that way shows there are self-esteem issues. To be a Christian business owner and to allow that as uniform representing your establishment is degrading to those women, and sending a message to other women that come in there.  Just disrespectful.

Now I know we are all on different journeys in our walk with Christ, some are more mature than others; some are still learning who Christ really is. One thing we can all agree on and acknowledge is that we were called, and we are to be set apart. We are in the world, but we are certainly not of it. The old folks say, “I’m just a stranger passing through”. Our citizenship is in Heaven.

(Yes I know in order to reach those that we may not be able to reach within the four walls of the church, we have to be approachable. Kind of like how Tye Tribbett is relatable to the youth of this generation, without selling out! Without exploiting himself or the members of his praise team.)

 Now this owner, doesn’t have “I’m a Christian” on the outside of her establishment, but neither do I. People can see something different about those in the body, because of the light that shines from within us. That light is Jesus Christ.

If I could write a letter to the waitress’ it would say something like this

Dear waitress,

Don’t you know you are fearfully and wonderfully made? Don’t you know you were made in God’s image? Don’t you know your father in heaven loves you more than you could possibly imagine? You don’t have to exploit yourself in such a way that’s degrading to not only yourself, your fellow sisters, but also your God. You are better than this. Your worth isn’t in your hips, your thighs and your butt, but it’s inside you. It’s the spirit that’s within you. Your confidence shouldn’t be built on how many tips or compliments you get, but in your trusting of God. To trust that he has the best for you even when we don’t know what that is. If you don’t know God, I’d be happy to introduce you to him, but first you have to hear about his amazing son Jesus Christ, which is God in the flesh. He came down to pardon us of our sins. He died a death meant for you and I, but three days later he rose, and when he rose he broke the veil, so that we may have total access to God our father, who sits high and looks low. Whoever believes in Jesus Christ will have eternal life. You don’t have to prove yourself to anyone; you don’t have to show your body or wear revealing clothes, all you have to do is have faith and trust that God will make a way. Trust that God will show you what true love is.Trust God for his peace that surpasses ALL understanding. Know that he is all you will ever need! Jehovah Jireh (The Lord, who provides) Jehovah Nissi (The Lord is my banner) Jehovah Rapha (The Lord, who heals) Jehovah shalom (The Lord, our peace). Get to know him for yourself, and believe what HE says about you!

If I could write a letter to the owner it would say.

Dear Christian business owner (notice Christian business owner. Not owner of a Christian business. I want to stress the fact that she is NOT saying this is a Christian business, but she is a Christian that so happens to OWN a business.),

I admire you for stepping out on faith and starting up your own establishment. I love the fact that you had live music, (not sure if they do, all the time) and the music was good and wholesome. I love the fact that you gave my brother in Christ and his band a chance to show their skill in your establishment. Supporting fellow blacks on their journey to making it, that is commendable. However, I strongly believe that being a woman in control with the power that you have, should be sending a better message to you wait staff. Your establishment is far too smooth, cool, grown up and classy to have women with their behinds hanging out. I think you should strongly consider the uniform and attire of the wait staff. As a Christian woman myself, I still like to dress cute, and fashionable. Since I’m not representing myself, but Christ, I know that it is a disservice to the kingdom if I represent myself in any other way other than modest. This life is about the kingdom, not about us! Knowing that you are a Christian woman, it would be in the best interest of you if you used your platform to show these young girls, and those that frequent your establishment, that you don’t have to dress like that in order to be cute, sexy, fashionable or successful. Don’t conform to the ways of the world, have these girls dressed in a cute skirt and top, but not exposing every inch of their body. My heart broke for those girls, and it breaks for you. Something inside is having you to believe that you must do this in order to get business or to stay relevant. I guarantee if their attire changed, you’d still get the same amount of business. Let’s let our light shine, even in dark places. We don’t have to conform to the world, but the world should be conforming to us. Let’s lead by example.

Sincerely, 

a black woman, that just wants to help other black women.

If you love someone tell them

I love you

Destaynee

Why I went Natural

Over the years I’ve always gotten questions about my natural hair. I figured instead of always having to give a long winded response I could just share it here.

I first went natural back when I was like 15 years old. That was around the summer of 2004. I did not willingly make the choice to “go natural”, but I was somewhat forced to. My hair was so damaged and so broken off from 4 years of getting perms. My hair was at the worst state it was ever in. It was short, broken off in the back, just awful. So my aunt suggested that I cut all my hair off, and so we did. See this was before YouTube, and the online Natural hair community and all its cute little terms for the certain stages of our hair. Technically at this point I “big chopped” and had a “TWA”. (Or shorter) I was so insecure with my hair, the day my aunt cut it my other aunt kept calling me a boy, so I requested “pinch plaits” or micro braids.(My confidence was not where it needed to be to be able to confront mean statements like these, thankfully over the years that has changed, and no one can tell me anything about my beautiful hair!) I wore this hair style for a whole year, which was long enough for my hair to grow to a length that I was comfortable with.

At this point I was proud that my hair had grown so long in such a short amount of time. I didn’t know exactly how to care for it, I was moisturizing it with that infamous “blue/green grease”( I don’t know the name of it, but I’m sure most of my sista’s know what I’m talking about). When I moved to Florida, at this time like 2 other girls had their hair like mine, natural. I still didn’t know how to style my hair or take care of it, so I just wore it in puffs. I usually wore it in 2 puffs (yes like Minnie mouse lol in high school!) I did get teased in school for wearing my hair natural. I would walk down the hall way and someone would say “you need to get a perm”. I would just keep walking.

(This is me at 16 years old(2005), after growing my hair out for a year)

I kept my afro puffs up until senior year. I wanted a more mature look, a “senior” look. I asked my mom if I could get a perm just for senior year. (I don’t remember the dialogue but I ended up coming back to school with a perm). I felt great, my hair was “laid”, but I realized it wasn’t nearly as thick as it was without the perm. I just got one perm, a decided to grow my hair out. I’d rather have thick hair, then thinner “laid hair”. Little did I know this began my “transitioning stage”. I would wear my hair in twists, or I would flat iron and towards the end of senior year a sew in (for prom) and braids (for graduation). I was SO over the perm!! 

Prom 2007, Transition

This transition continued into January of 2008. I was in college at The Great Bethune Cookman, and I was SO over my two different textures. I ended up one night just cutting the permed ends off! I felt so liberated, because my hair was free from the perm. I have been perm free ever since!! After the perm was gone, I still wasn’t completely sold or comfortable with being natural. The only natural girls I would see are the dope girls with loc’s around campus. So I would wear my hair in twists (because I was contemplating loc’s, and it was easy enough for me to do myself). I then stepped my game up to get sew-in’s more frequently. After a while, I got tired of that. I’m tender head, so having someone else detangle my hair, braid it down and then sew some hair into it was not something I was into. (I also didn’t like the fact that these women, in other countries would shave their hair, pray over it in hopes of pleasing their god. Firstly I don’t know who their god is, and what spirits could come along with it, so I deemed to never get a sew-in or wear human hair again. And I haven’t) Also the fact that wearing weaves, and braids is not a protective style when you’re wearing it ALL the time. It can become damaging.

(I would typically wear my hair in twists like these are bigger 2011)

I had to get to the place where I understood embraced and accepted my hair for what it was. I had to fully realize that my hair is my crown and glory. This is the type of hair God saw fit for me. If I’m fearfully and wonderfully made, then God made no mistake in giving me a thick head full of curls, kinks and coils. God gave me what he felt was best for me in my hair, and I had to embrace that. I had to stop looking to other people and what they have going on; I definitely had to stop looking to the media for someone that looked like me. (because we all know the media does not cater to black women in a positive light. Yes they are NOW showing more curly girls, in commercials and movies, but notice their hair texture never represents ALL textures within the natural hair community, don’t be fooled. Don’t look to the media for self-esteem building, and self-acceptance.) When I finally got “hip” to youtube, it was the same thing. Now there are more women on there sharing their journey, but it’s nothing like finding out for yourself.

One question I get often is: “What products do you use?”  Honestly I keep it as single as possible. I’m not a “product junkie” (a person that buys multiple products and keeps switching them up). What I did was found what worked for me, and I’ve been using it for the past 3 years plus. I try to encourage naturals especially those that are new, to stop looking at everyone else and do what works for you and YOUR hair texture.

I use black soap to wash my hair and clarify my scalp.

I use Shea moisture conditioner or the old school carrot conditioner.

I moisturize my hair with a mix that I mixed together and came up with. (I have sold some, and will if anyone is interested.) This mix has contributed greatly to the health of my hair.

Another statement I hear a lot from women who are relaxed and starting off natural “I could never get my hair like that”. Natural hair takes time and determination. You won’t know what hair styles work for your hair until you try them. (It takes trial an error) You won’t know what products work until you try them. Embracing your natural hair may take time especially if you’re used to permed hair or wigs and weaves. Give yourself time to get used to your look; don’t write your hair off because you don’t look like someone else!!! We are God’s finger print, we are his hand made creation we are unique to others and we need to embrace that, no matter what it is. If God gave it to you, he permitted it, he saw fit for you to have it. Don’t spend your life hating yourself or your hair or your appearance when your father in heaven gave it to YOU!

No I don’t straighten my hair or blow dry my hair. I have in the past, but I don’t see the need to, nor do I have the urge to. This is just MY personal thing. I made a goal a while ago, that I would straighten my hair whenever I got married. That is subject to change. When I made that goal, it was because I still cared what men thought lol. I figured men like straight hair so that’s something I would do for my husband. SMH. No!  Whomever I marry will love my hair just the way that it is, curly, wavy, kinky and coily! Natural hair IS sexy! (Ladies make your hair goals for YOURSELF! Not based on the opinions of others) I also used to think I would have to straighten my hair on job interviews. Let me tell you, the job I have now, I went in with flat twists. Any other interview I go on, I will not potentially damage my hair to look “professional”. Natural hair is professional!

On twitter, I get a lot of younger girls inquiring about going natural and how to deal with the comments of others. I had one girl from Africa, tell me she “big chopped (cut off all her permed hair to the new growth). She told me that she was afraid to go to church because of what people would say about her. My heart broke for that little girl, because we as a black community put TOO much emphasis on our appearance, mainly our body and our hair. I prayed with her, and had a conversation with her, encouraging her and the next week she told me she went to church and felt so beautiful! I cried and told her, you are beautiful and you have every right to feel that way! It was amazing to see her go from being afraid of what people thought, to embracing who she was!

There’s nothing more liberating than knowing who we are; knowing that we are beautiful, not because people tell us we are, not because the media shows us, but because God says so! We are beautiful because God made us. We are beautiful because we are black women period! We need to understand that and fully embrace that.

“Going Natural’ is not a journey, it’s not an experiment, it’s not a trial period. This is my life. I am Natural because I have accepted and embraced how God made me to be. He gave me this hair, for me and the relationship I have with him, I would feel like I’m insulting him by trying to change something he gave to me. I love my God, and I love his creativity, and I love the hair that he has given me.

(Disclaimer: I am not bashing weaves, wigs, extensions or perms. Do what makes you happy, do what’s best for you.)

My son and I this summer 2013

If you love someone tell them

I love you

Signed,

A beautiful black Queen, that has embraced every kink and curl that spirals out of her head.

Destaynee

Journey to my Queen-ship: Getting my voice back!

Have you ever had something to say, but just couldn’t say it. Although you had the words, you just couldn’t speak up and say what you had to say? Felt like your voice was trapped inside your own body? Like you were the only one that heard you when you spoke?

This is how I’ve been feeling for the majority, if not all of my life. Until now.

My siblings and I were raised on the “kids should be seen and not heard”/ “speak when you’re spoken to” philosophy. At an early age we knew not to speak when adults were speaking. We were also taught that our feelings didn’t matter, what the adult says goes. I didn’t realize the danger nor the effect this “old school” way of raising kids had on my life until literally weeks ago.

I realized I was conditioned all my life to believe what I thought, felt, wanted or needed to say wasn’t important. I could never express how I felt. My voice was never heard. During arguments with my brother or sister, we would be told to be quiet. Never were we able to express how we felt, or why we were arguing we just had to “gut it up and go”.

Growing up, I was very shy, very reserved, and very “serious”. I can’t help but to think, this “character” was brought on because my voice was stifled at an early age.

This post is not to put down my parents (or any other parents) for their way of raising me. I realize they did what they thought was best for us, although it was wrong for me.

I’m currently on a journey to my “Queen-ship”. -I know you’re thinking, “geesh she’s on a lot of Journeys.” Well I am. This life is a journey, my walk with Christ is a journey. I want to be in a state of continual growth. I don’t ever want to get stagnant with where I am, or who I am. Paul says press toward the mark. No I will never be perfect, but I can be the best Destaynee there is. That means I have to address “problem areas”, and work on things that can be improved on. I must face the things of my past that may have influenced things in my present- This journey is not for the faint at heart, but no REAL journey is.

The first step on this journey to my Queen-ship is getting my voice back. Every Queen needs to have a voice, and her voice must be heard. Having your voice means that you express yourself, you don’t allow any kind of treatment, you speak boldly about things, you make commands and not demands. A Queen doesn’t demand to be heard, she commands it with her words, her tone, her posture and her presence. Please don’t get “rolling your neck”, pointing your finger, getting loud and using profanity confused with speaking boldly, and expressing yourself as a Queen. That’s just ratchet, and the behavior of a “stereotypical” woman.-_- (Black women, we are NOT stereo-types, even if society tries to make us one. We are Queens, and we should conduct ourselves as such.)

I’m finding that this “getting my voice back” isn’t as easy as it sounds. I have to make a conscious effort, to not be passive, and be aggressive about being heard. A few weeks ago I had to let my voice be heard by my dad. I had to tell him “Dad, I have to tell you something’s, just listen and let me speak”. Yes, a Queen is still a Queen even to her father. He listened; heard, and respected me and what I had to say, because it was commanded in my tone, and my words. I’m also learning I have to do this with my son. All four years of his life, I saw him, but I was really seeing me. I remember how I was raised and I made it my business to not raise him the same way. Yelling at my son, was like my dad yelling at me, and I couldn’t bear it. I remember how I felt. I didn’t want him to feel that way, so I babied him, tried to “demand” his respect, but that wasn’t working. It wasn’t until recently, I realized, Daniel is not me. My father was giving me the commands, and not the sensitive talk I needed being a young girl. Daniel being a young boy, needs to be commanded, especially since he is a leader, he needs to know how to take commands. Telling him to do things in a firm voice, instead of asking him, is a struggle for me, but I know it’s for the best! I had to take my feelings, and feelings of the past out of it, and realize the root of the problem. (The problem, was not wanting to raise Daniel the way I was raised. I didn’t want him to feel like he didn’t have a voice and that his feelings/ thoughts didn’t matter. The root being, how I was made to feel based on the way I was raised)

This Queen-ship and having a voice also carries over to my work place. Everyone at my job knows I’m a Christian. I don’t make shy about it. Sadly the world thinks being a Christian means they can do or say whatever they want to you. So not the case!! (I was working on a video on “Christians are the most misunderstood people”, still may post it.) I’ve gotten it ALL, and I’ve took it all from everyone. From co-workers, management, customers, physical, and verbal until this past Saturday.

It all ended October 19^th. This woman comes to my register, thinking I’m going to let her skip the line all because she wants to check her balance.

Customer: Can you tell me my balance (while proceeding to hand me her card)

Me: If you get in line I will.

Customer: It’s easy, all you have to do is swipe

Me: Ma’am please get in line

Customer: you’re rude!!

Under my breath I say, “You’re rude too”

She gets in line and then goes on to shop, honestly I forgotten about her until she came back through the line. She was down a few registers talking with my co-worker, I saw her looking at me, so I looked at her (letting her know, yea I know you’re talking about me), so she looks back and then shoots a bird at me! I said “oh wow, she just shot a bird at me, how mature, if I had her maturity, I’d probably do the same. (Yes, I said it loud so she could hear, and so everyone could know this woman is crazy. Mind you, this is ALL because I did not let her skip the line. I did not give her what she wanted. I did not let her control me! (I’ll share my issues with being controlled in another post) So as she’s walking out the store, she stops in front of me, looks at me hard. I said “would you like for me to call my manager?” She said yea call your manager, and she proceeds to curse me out, calling me the “b” word, along with other profanities. I was at my breaking point, she walked out the store, and so did I.

Me: Ma’am! Excuse me ma’am! You’re doing ALL of this because I wouldn’t let you skip the line?

Customer: No, I’m doing this because you’re a (insert every profane word known to man)

Me: Wow, you have no respect for anyone, you’re not the only one that has something to do. It’s not all about you

Customer: (cutting me off). I have respect for people in your position, but you’re just a dumb (insert curse word)

Me: You think you can talk to me and call me these names because I’m wearing this red apron! You think you can talk to me any kind of way because you THINK I’m uneducated. You think you’re insulting me, you can’t insult an educated person with curse words!

She got mad and told me to go to hell. I told her I hope she gets to know God, and God bless her.

No, I did not curse, I did not raise my voice. I spoke to her as calmly as I would anyone else. She was waving her hands in my face but I did not do the same. I know some of you are thinking, “wow that’s so unprofessional! Why would you confront her? Why not just let her leave? What would Jesus do? Well I don’t know what Jesus would’ve done, but I know that being a Christian is not a rites of passage to be treated any kind of way. That was the first step in me getting my voice back! That was a victory for me! I do not regret, nor do I feel convicted for what I did. –But the saved and the unsaved are watching you, do you think that was a good example of what a Christian should do? -  I’m fully aware that being unashamed and open about being a Christian means that folks are watching. I think what I did was a good example of what happens when your voice is taken from you. If I didn’t speak up then and defend myself, when would I ever have?

As Christians, Queens and Kings we have to know that we have a voice. We have to command respect, with using our voice. How are you going to command the evil spirits to leave, if you don’t use your voice? How can you walk in your authority as a Christian without using your voice?

My voice was stifled at a young age which resulted in years of depression, attempts of suicide, and a string of bad relationships, physical, emotional, verbal and sexual abuse. I was conditioned to believe how I felt, and what I thought, didn’t matter. Not using your voice would lead someone to believe they don’t matter.

Please understand that your voice DOES matter!

If you love someone tell them

I love you

Signed,

A Queen, who has her voice back.

Journey back to North Carolina

Saturday, October 05, 2013

was the first time I’ve stepped foot in North Carolina in over 10 years.

After checking into our room on Seymour Johnson Air Force base, we grabbed food and went immediately to my aunt Bunny’s house. My eyes were basically glued to the window as we drove by places I was familiar with, places that brought back memories from my child hood. As we pulled up to Aunt Bunny’s house, I said “wow, I used to think this little hill in her front yard was so huge” (it’s not even a hill) When I told her that, she looked at me sideways and said “What hill”. I said exactly, when I was young everything was huge to me, including this yard lol.

I grew up knowing that as a child, when adults are speaking you be quiet. Although I’m an adult myself, when I’m around my parents or anyone older, I know my place. I know I should let the adults talk. So after chatting with her, I allowed her and my dad to chat. They were discussing the health issues certain family members were facing. It really brought to my attention that the things we do to our bodies in our young age, will affect our bodies in our older age. Now I’ve always eaten pretty healthy. My mom made sure of it, so that’s not much of an issue. Eating healthy and exercising isn’t all that it takes to be healthy, going to the doctor regularly is also. I can be honest and say lately I haven’t been taking my doctors’ appointments as seriously as I should. Like now, I need to get my eyes checked. It’s time for a new prescription for my contacts and glasses, but I keep putting it off because ‘I can’t miss work”. What good will I be at work if I can’t see properly? Same goes for anything pertaining health. What good are you to your job, business, company etc, if you’re not healthy and unable to perform properly? –Also ladies, we know this month is Breast Cancer Awareness month. Make sure to do your at home self-checks regularly, and if you meet the “age requirements” go in and get a monogram. Knowledge really is power and it’s best to know earlier, so the proper steps can be made. We only get one body, let’s take care of it. - So when I get back I’m going to make the necessary appointments and if I have to take off work, so be it. Health comes first!

Sunday, October 06, 2013

Today was a really nice day. We woke up and drove around some areas in Goldsboro that we used to frequent. We passed by this old car wash we ALWAYS went to. I told my dad I would never forget that place, he asked why. I told him about the time we were vacuuming out the car, and the 2 men I in the car next to us had guns, and were emptying shell casings over the fence behind it. It was my first time seeing a gun in person. Of course he didn’t know that, because I was too afraid to tell anyone at the time. His response, was “wow” lol Somehow we started talking about how we almost got robbed. Now I mentioned this before in my “My story proves that God can use me” (my testimony blog post), but I’ll share briefly. One day while my parents were gone (I don’t remember where they were) my sister was babysitting me and my brother. All I remember is a man dressed in black, was knocking on the kitchen window, when I went to the window, he tried to convince me to let him in the house so he could “play cards” with me.

 I don’t remember what I said, I was a little girl, but I will never forget him asking me to let him in so he could “play cards”. I thank God for protecting my siblings and me at that time, because who knows what could’ve happened. I can tell that telling my dad that kind of bothered him, maybe he forget about it, I don’t know. For me thinking back on situations where the devil tried to harm me just confirms that God has a plan for me. It just lets me know that God has ALWAYS had me in his hands. If he can protect me from the wiles of the devil then, surely he can and he will now, and for that I Thank him! It also shows how the devil tries to “get kids” at an early age. Most of my physical attacks (meaning, attacks that could’ve resulted in death) happened when I was young. This makes me very aware of praying over my son. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t ask for God’s protection over my son’s mind, and his body. It’s important that we as parents get in the habit of praying over our children, and teaching them how to pray for themselves. Today Daniel told me he was scared of “the monster”, I said, Daniel what do you do when you’re scared? He said “Pray”. I said let’s pray then. It was a simple prayer, but he said “Jesus, I’m scared, help me to not be scared”. I had faith that the holy spirit would comfort him, and teaching him to trust God helps his faith, even at the age of 4.

After a little bit of driving around we went to my dad’s friend’s house. They’ve been friends for as long as I’ve known my dad, basically lol it was so nice seeing him and his family. His wife is the sweetest lady. She really is a proverbs 31. It was very inspiring for me to see her and how she interacted with her husband, her son and her grandchild. Also how she welcomed me and Daniel and made us feel loved and taken care of.  She’s very humble and down to earth. She took me Daniel and her granddaughter to chuck e cheese and out to eat. (I wish I would’ve recorded it. Daniel and that little girl were THEE cutest, holding hands while crossing the street, their little conversations, their playing together. It was so funny and cute) Mr. Percy and my dad proceeded to tell us about their football days. All I could do was laugh and listen because they talk like they were so good (which they probably were, but it’s just funny to hear) older folks are always reminiscing on their glory days! Lol (No shade, it’s just funny, I enjoy hearing stories from my elders)

One thing I took note of, and it’s not from anyone in particular, but in general. People ask me “what do you do”, and I tell them, I always get the “oh okay”. I see that they are judging me based on what I’m doing, but more so on what I’m not doing. I also see they’re comparing me to my parents. My father was a military man, preacher, well respected, 2 masters degrees. My mother was a day care provider, aerobics instructor, has her masters and a teacher for years. When you get this type of response to the efforts you’re trying to make, it can be discouraging. This is why we have to guard our hearts. I would be easy for me to get down, every time someone says “oh okay” In regards to what I’m doing or the current situation I’m in. That’s why we must have confidence in God. We must know that, No we might not be following the direct path of our parents, but that doesn’t make us less or greater than them or anyone else. We have to trust God and know that our worth truly honestly and whole heartedly comes from him, and him alone. It’s too easy to get caught up on what you look like on paper, and comparing that to others. It’s too easy to down yourself for not meeting society’s standards, but who are you living for? This is NOT to say that you shouldn’t have goals or do the best that you can, because you should. What I’m saying is do not compare your portion. Keep your eyes on what you have, keep your focus on your mission. STAY IN YOUR LANE.

When people try to discourage you from the path you’re on, you have to be strong in who you are and what God has for you and shut the negativity down! Allow God to regulate your thoughts. Keep them on things eternal, not on what you are unable to do in this season or this place in your life.

My trip to North Carolina has been a great one. We are leaving to go back to Maryland tomorrow morning. I’ve learned a lot, even in this short time here, and on the way here. I will share more of the things I’ve learned over time.

If you love someone tell them

I love you

Destaynee

D.C | Day 2

I know the title of this blog post implies that there is a “day 1”. There is no documented day 1.

I’m currently in Maryland visiting my dad. Thursday morning I made a facebook status and it said the following:

“Today Daniel and I will be going to Maryland to visit my dad. It will be the first time for me traveling alone. Might not be a big deal to most, but it's a big deal for me. I know how vulnerable a single mom and her child may appear.

At first I was scared, I probably still am, I might even cry. My physical safety net (family) won't be with us as we travel. I'm quickly reminded that God didn't give me the spirit of fear. I'm also reminded of one of my favorite scriptures Joshua 1:9 "have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee withersoever thou goest."

I know God will protect me and my son as we travel, to and from Maryland and also while we're there.

Just that quickly my peace is restored. Thank you God!

Let's not give into fear, but "fight" fear with God's word.

Trust,believe and have faith.

If you love someone tell them

I love you all.”

This was wrote, not in fear of something tragic happening to myself or my son, this was wrote in me overcoming a fear that was from within. I had much faith in God that the plane ride would be perfectly fine. I was more fearful of being out of my comfort zone, my safety net as I mentioned.

Once the plane landed in Baltimore, the man in the seat in front of me looked at his phone and said “oh shoot, there was a shooting in Capitol Hill”. In my head, I was like oh my goodness, Thank God, I’m way over in Baltimore. When I called my mom to let her know we landed safely and we were with dad, she mentioned what happened on Capitol Hill as well, but relieved that we didn’t have to be in that area. I too was thankful. So after watching the news and hearing the reports, my heart became heavy. I personally think the situation could have been handled WAY differently, but that’s neither here nor there.

So today, after a great time of eating out and some shopping with my dad, he asked if I wanted to go to the mall. (The national mall. Where all the historical monuments, museums and things are in D.C like a “downtown” area.) I said yes, ideally if I lived in this area, I would be here ALL the time, people watching, seeing sites I’ve seen over a hundred times, the whole nine.

 As we’re pulling through the mall I see 2 police officers running, I’m like dad those police are running. Then I look ahead and I see at least 4 people crowded around a man that’s on the ground. In my mind I’m thinking wow a citizen’s arrest?! So dad pulls over and I pull out my camera to zoom in on the situation. As I’m zooming in I’m horrified as to what I’m seeing. I see a man on the ground on his side appears to have his shirt off but has black marks on his shoulders arms and hands. He sits up and I see what looks to be blood. My immediate though was “dad somebody burned him!” One of the bystanders runs past us sitting in the car flagging down the ambulance, and I’m like why aren’t they helping him? So I zoom in and look around him I see a small flame in the grass and a gas container nearby. Eventually I put two and two together. This man tried to burn himself? For what, is he protesting? But to take it to such extreme? After we saw the paramedics tend to him, helicopters, and police dogs, undercover police, everyone flooded the area. They wanted all people standing by to leave. So we left and decided we would try again another day!

Few hours later, my dad checks his phone, and sees were there was an article about it. A witness said she watched him pour gasoline all over his head and she watched him light himself on fire, and joggers that were passing took of their shirts to put the flames out. I said “Dad, if we would’ve come 5 minutes earlier, we would’ve seen that man on fire”. (Thankfully Daniel was in the backseat sleep during all of this).

The man to my knowledge is not dead, but he is in critical condition, and he has life threatening burns.

I have no idea why this man would do this, maybe he is directly affected by the government shut down. Maybe he just got a divorce, maybe he just got laid off, or a family member died. No none of those things justify his actions, but it makes you wonder what is this person dealing with? Why they would want to hurt themselves, to this extreme right in the middle of Washington D.C. You NEVER really know what a person is dealing with and what demons they’re facing. The problem is, if people aren't Christians, they have NO  idea, the peace that Jesus can bring to any and ALL situations. NOTHING is too hard for God. NOTHING!!

Before we went out to the national man, a woman approached my dad, Daniel and I and asked if we knew Jesus Christ. I smiled and said, yes ma’am I do. She proceeded to invite me to her church to worship with her etc. I wonder how many Christians this man came encounter with today or the days before. I wonder how many Christians asked him if he knew Jesus Christ and made an attempt to share Christ with him. After all of this I felt convicted. Am I doing MY part to share the gospel? Yes we have platforms on the internet and in church, but what about those people that know NOTHING about Jesus. Are we making attempts to reach them? Are we reaching those that have NEVER stepped foot into a church?

I know things are so “P.C”(politically correct). Can’t talk about religion at work, you don’t want to “offend” people. My thing is we’re offended everyday by the foolishness of the devil. The evil spirits that are attacking these people and convincing them to harm themselves, the evil spirits that are attacking our cities, the evil influences that are present in our day to day life. Why can’t we take a stand and allow our lights to shine?

Christians we have to remember that peace isn’t going to be given to the world. The peace that is in us, is the peace this world will see. We have to share that peace which is Jesus Christ, with those that are lost.

I’m not afraid to be in The DMV( D.C, Maryland, Virginia) during this crisis, because I know that nothing will come to me and my son that God doesn't allow. What I’m “afraid” of is those souls that I come in contact with that might be lost. I don’t want to miss my opportunity to witness on a count of being “P.C” (politically correct).

My thoughts and prayers go out to the family of the young woman that lost her life on Capitol Hill. It could’ve ended a different way.

My prayers are also with the man that tried to take his life this afternoon. He still has breath in his body therefore he still has a chance to get to know Christ.

My prayer are also with those that might be facing mental issues, I pray they receive the help they need!

I pray that the Christians that are alive and well will ask God for a boldness. For a courage that will allow them to speak before men and women sharing the good news!

This thing is real guys. The devil walks the earth like a lion looking for whom he may devour. We have to do our part by spreading the gospel!

If you love someone, PLEASE tell them

I love you

Destaynee

Be The change you want to see

            The other day at work, a co-worker and I noticed a lady in the parking lot who had her hood open on her car. It was obvious she was having car problems. I said to my co-worker “Hey, you know a lot about cars, maybe you can go help her”. (I said it jokingly, but I was serious). He replied. “I don’t get paid to do that”. And I said well sometimes it’s okay to do things without getting paid, if you’re helping someone that’s payment enough”. He goes on to say “the way the world is, everything is about money”. Forgetting that he might not be saved I say “Just because the world changes doesn’t mean we have to.” That’s when another co-worker comes out of no-where and says “Well people aren’t born racist, the world MAKES us that way”. I just stopped and let them go on agreeing on how the world “makes us” certain ways.  I knew the conversation would go nowhere, because they were looking for an argument, not a debate. (Every invitation to an argument, does not require an RSVP, it’s okay to walk away, or just but quiet sometimes)

            After that conversation I was reminded of a song by Lyfe Jennings that I head many years ago, I can’t remember the title of the song, but in the song he says “be the change you want to see, don’t be a nickel out her looking for a dime”. In this song he was referring to relationships, and having standards for others, but not meeting those standards yourself. Which then made me think of being a Christian. The change that takes place, the transformation that happens, or is continuously happening. No man nor woman walking this earth is perfect, but that doesn’t mean we can’t strive to live life to please our most perfect God.

            Once a person accepts Jesus Christ into their life as their personal Lord and savior and transformation happens. You can’t physically feel it, but it happens. All of your sins are washed clean. There is no record kept of your wrongs, you have been made into a NEW creature. Exciting right?! But it doesn’t end there. There are constant changes that SHOULD be happening as you grow in Christ, but you have to WANT to make those changes. See a lot of Christians, like to say “God isn’t finished with me yet” when they make mistakes. No if you’re alive he’s not done, you still have an assignment to complete and he is still shaping you into being the man or woman of God he has called you to be. The problem happens when people use phrases like that to justify their wrong doing. To justify their sin or “imperfections”. We’re all imperfect, but we don’t HAVE to purposely sin, or live IN sin. There is a difference in not being perfect and choosing a life of sin, or making the decision to sin.

            Believe it or not, I used to curse, and I could curse with the best of em if I was made or upset. Back then, I could probably say “well they MADE me curse them out with their ignorance”, and that my friend would be ignorant. I made a choice to use those words back then. Since I’ve been delivered and made whole I choose NOT to use curse words. I know the power my tongue has and I make a choice, to use my words to encourage, uplift, teach and comfort people, not purposely tear them down and hurt them. (You guys know the song it goes “I won’t hurt you with words from my mouth, I love you I need you to survive”). We deal with foolishness on a regular basis, especially being a Christian in this world, we have a target on our backs, but no matter how ignorant or foolish a person can be towards me, they can’t “make” me say anything, I don’t already plan on saying. I have control over my words, the situation does not control my reaction. 

            Just like any other sin. Yes we may be tempted to sin, but they devil can’t MAKE you sin. Even as God doesn’t force us to do anything. (Although when you are REALLY living for Christ, your willingness to please God will have you sensitive to sin to the point, you won’t even want to be around it, let alone partake in it. Also the conviction of the Holy Spirit, will have you stop dead in your tracks, but that’s if you’re being led by him and listening to him and allowing him to move. Now if you ignore the Holy Spirit, don’t try to say “well if God didn’t want me to do it, I won’t have a way”, because that’s a lie. You have a choice every day to do right by God, or to do right by your sinful nature. With EVERY temptation there is an escape, there is always an opportunity to resist.

            Now the word change is a verb, a verb is an action word that means something has to happen. Change means “make or become different.”

            To make or become different you have to make the choice to do so. Even when a person decides to give themselves to Christ, they are making a choice, and they have to do something in order for that to happen. Romans 10:9 says “That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.” (We are saved by grace, but you must believe, which means you have to make a choice to believe that God sent his son and rose him up).

            Once a person has been saved. Changes should still be happening. You should never get stagnant in where you are in Christ, you should always be growing. That means you have to focus on you and the area’s which you need work in. It’s so easy to look at someone else and point out their flaws and where they need work, but are you first looking to yourself? Someone asked me the other say if a person can preach something they haven’t dealt with themselves. My answer is no. There is no way a person can effectively preach No fornication, when they are currently living in that sin themselves. There is just no way. So we have to work on ourselves, be delivered from something’s before we can effectively try to preach to others about those things. Cut out your sin and insert the word. Don’t be a hypocrite. Matthew 7:5 says “Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eyes; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out of the mote out of thy brother’s eye.” In order to make a change, you have to be the change. Deal with yourself before you can “deal” with others.

James 1:22 says “But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves. For if any be a hearer of the word, and not a doer, he is like unto a man beholding his natural face in a glass: For he beholdeth himself, and goeth his way, and straightway forgetteh what manner of man he was. But whoso looketh into the perfect law of liberty, and continueth therein, he being not a forgetful hearer, but a doer of the work, this man shall be blessed in his deed.”

            We have to practice what we “preach” or “preach” what we practice. There should be a point in a Christian’s life were they make the choice to not just sit in Church on Sunday, and leave everything they heard there in the sanctuary, but actually takes what they hear and learn in church and at home in their own private time with God and puts it to work. It’s time to be practicing Christians. So many young Christians say they “hate religion”, but if you’re not living out what you believe, you have fallen into the religious trap that you hate. Be the change you want to see. If you want to grow deeper in Christ, start making changes. Take your prayer life to another level, get active in ministry, and be serious about living your life for Christ. Things have to happen if you want changes within yourself. Once you’ve made the changes within your own self, people from the outside will see, and the people I’m referring to is the unsaved. Once you get your live in line with living for Christ, non-believers will see the Christ within you, and hopefully that will be a perfect way to be a witness and tell someone the good news of Jesus Christ!

            Time to get serious about being a Christian folks. It’s not enough to just say it, you have to have some fruit to show for it. The only way to have the fruit, is to make those changes. The fruit a person bears cannot be faked. You can fool people in church; online and at work with your words and the raising of your hands, but when it’s time to collect those fruits, you can’t fake a rotten fruit, with a ripe one.

If you love someone tell them

I love you

Destaynee.