What men look for in a woman

So today is Valentine ’s Day, while everyone is out celebrating I was at work for a few hours. I totally didn’t mind. I know my mini was waiting at home for me to play games with him, and because I was working with one of my favorite co-workers. Every time we work together, we end up having an inspiring conversation. Tonight was no different, I was inspired, somehow we ended up talking about what men look for in a woman.

Disclaimer: these are not tips on how to get a man. How to be a wife, How to get married or how to get a man to propose to you. lol Again this is just sharing some of a conversation I had with my co worker. :)

·        Confidence

·        Spiritual strength

·        Willingness to “take care” of her man

·        Appearance

Now I know there are more things look for in a woman, and this is totally subjective to him. (We know that all men are different, but I’m sharing the things HE emphasized. The things we talked about, which I think are meaningful, and women should know. This is in no particular order)

The first thing my co-worker mentioned was Confidence. He said “there’s nothing like a woman that is sure of her-self and is powerful. She takes care of her business and doesn’t take no for an answer. She walks in her authority”. Now I know you may be thinking, confidence can easily lead to arrogance, aren’t we supposed to be meek? Yes we are to be meek and humble. However, confidence does not equate pride, or arrogance. Confidence is much like contentment, being satisfied with what you have and who you are, trusting God for what he gave you. Confidence isn’t only appealing in how you look, but with who you are. Being confident in the skin you are in, be it your appearance, the spirit within you, or the gifts God blessed you with. Being sure of whom God made you to be. It all goes back to Trusting God. Trusting that God gave you what he felt is best for you, for the person you are becoming.

Spiritual strength equates spiritual maturity, to me. Being mature in Christ,  a practicing Christian, responded to the call, growing in Christ. He made mention to a woman being able to recognize evil and deny her flesh. Being strong enough to do what required of you even when you don’t want to. Which he also mentioned was something he deals with to. Honestly we all do. That’s why Paul says we have to die to our flesh daily. Our flesh is naturally going to what to do things against the spirit, but we have to be strong enough to slay those fleshly desires and do what the Holy Spirit is leading us to do. (We all fall short of the glory, no need to act like we don’t and certainly no need to beat ourselves up because of it. This is why Jesus Christ came down, to save us of our sins, our short comings. He knew we could not fulfill the law. That is why we thank God for his grace and his everlasting mercy)

Willingness to “take care of her man”.  He made mention of a woman cooking for him and cleaning etc. You guys know I’m a part of the “boyfriends don’t get husband benefits club”. However, I don’t see anything wrong with cooking for your guy every now and then. Doing some of the things he likes, playing video games, watching games, working out etc. Giving him your undivided attention, and letting him know he’s appreciated. Notice I didn’t say anything physical (By physical, I mean sex). In my opinion “taking care of your man” doesn’t always have to be physical, especially if you aren’t married! Everyone wants to know they are cared for and that they matter. So do the things that matter to him. I know a lot of women don’t like to “get dirty”. They don’t want to sweat out their perms, or puff out their edges, but what will it hurt to spend time with someone you love?  Time is the best way to show someone you care. You can’t get it back, we all look for something in return, and time is something that is not returnable, so spending it shows you care. Let people know you care, by spending time.

Now of course appearance was on the list. Men are visual creatures as we know, but this wasn’t the typical “she needs to be thick” conversation that some guys like. This was a not being influenced by the media conversation. Accepting yourself for who you are, regardless of your build, the lack, and the extra on the side whatever. As women we are always being told we need to look a certain way. 85 % (this is a guess, not an actual percentage) of women don’t look like how the media says we should look. Not everybody is going to have waist length hair and green eyes with an hour glass figure, not naturally! Everyone is going to look like the Victoria secret models, but that is what makes us unique! We need to accept that and be okay with that. That acceptance of your appearance ties in to the confidence. When you accept yourself, you are confident with whom you are, and it will exude from you.(Just like if you aren't confident in who you are, it WILL exude from you.) People will be able to feel it when they see you.

I always say “a King recognizes a Queen, but a King is attracted to a Queen that knows she’s a Queen”.

Do you know you’re a Queen?

Do you walk in your Queen-ship with confidence?

-if a guy can’t handle you in your Queen-ship, he’s probably a “peasant” posing as a King. A King will promote a Queen in her Queen-ship, not see it as difficult, or “too much”-

If you love someone tell them

I love you

Destaynee

Journey to my Queenship || Acceptance

Most of my life, I was always consider “The New girl”. I grew up being a military brat (a child/children whose parent is in the military) , so we were always relocating, and if we weren’t relocating, we were visiting other cities, because my dad preached as well. I’ve always had to either fit in with the crowd, or wait until they accepted me for who I was.

In middle school, 7^th grade to be exact, I had a hard time fitting in. I attended Lake Braddock secondary school. (That school went from 7^th to 12^{th grade})  That school was huge and it was easy to get caught in the shuffle. I had to make friends, and it wasn’t easy! Most of the kids knew each other from their old school, hung out with people of their own race or people from their neighborhood. (This school was very diverse and most of my friends were of other nationalities and ethnicities. The girls that “looked black”, were really African, or Egyptian, I think I had only 2 black friends. (Everyone else was from somewhere else, and nothing is wrong with that! I loved having friends from other nationalities. I miss that, I wish Florida was more diverse like that) So it was hard to really fit in. (Not to mention, I had eczema BAD. I was teased A LOT because of it)

 Now in middle school most everyone is going through an identity crisis, trying to figure out who they are. I was one of those people.  Long story short, I changed who I was to be “accepted”. (A lot of that had to do with my insecurities and being teased.) Only I wasn’t really being accepted, the false character I took on was being accepted. See back in these days, I was extremely loud, and defiant. That’s not me, but because that’s what I saw, and that’s what was being “accepted” I had to play that role. Thankfully I came to my senses and realized I didn’t have to continue to be that way. (End of 10^th grade, though I did have a smart mouth up until 12^th grade smh)

Although I’m out of school, I still see were acceptance plays a role in our lives. Everyone wants to be accepted by someone. No one wants to be on the outside looking in. Sadly a lot of lack of acceptance happens within the body. That same carnal mindset has found itself in the church. –As my pastor, would say, “There is NOTHING wrong with the church”- It’s the mindset, and “spirit” of some people IN the church. We have people in ministry, treating others as if they don’t belong there. People in ministry have formed this “gang” like mentality and if you aren’t “jumped” in, or if you haven’t been here since the beginning you aren’t welcomed. People are being isolated, because they don’t have the same convictions as others, or because they might be more mature in Christ, than others. People are being left out, simply because they aren’t liked by others within the ministry. What about that is Christ like?

Romans 15:7 says “Wherefore receive ye one another, as Christ also received us to the glory of God”

Be you.

I’ve learned that people that can’t accept themselves can’t accept others. Just like that saying “hurt people, hurt people”. Those that don’t love themselves can seldom love others, and in order to love you is to know God. God is love!

Acceptance comes with maturity and/or pureness within your heart. Look at young children; they can play with each other, regardless of how they look, where they come from, or their age.

As we grow in Christ, we become more mature, and we are able to look at people differently. Instead of seeing their differences, mistakes or flaws, we see them how God sees them, how God sees us. We are more likely to have mercy on them and show them grace. We’re more likely to see past their past, and encourage them of their future.

1 Corinthians 13:11 says “When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.”

As Christians it’s time to “put away childish things”, it’s time to do away with carnal mindsets! Allow God to transform and renew your mind, so you can accept your brothers and sisters in Christ.

On the other end of the spectrum, we have to realize everyone isn’t going to put away their childish ways; but we can’t revert back, just because they refuse to change. I know people in the body aren’t going to  accept me because I’m young in age, or I “look” young, because they don’t know me, or don’t see me around, or because I don’t meet their qualifications, or expectations or  because I have a son and I’m not married. That is not going to stop me from doing what God called me to do. Don’t let people’s problem with accepting you stop you from doing what you were called to do. Pray for them. Allow God to work on their heart, and you continue to love them as Christ tells us to. Watch how things change!

Colossians 3:12-15 says “Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye. And above all these things put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness. And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to the which also ye are called in one body; and be ye thankful.”

Be you, love yourself, and accept who God created you to be. Trust what he put in you. Put your confidence in the Lord!

If you love someone tell them

I love you

Signed, a Queen who is accepted and validated by God

p.s Check out my YouTube channel. YouTube.com/NaturallyDes