The 4 traits a husband should have

A few months ago, I was asked by someone if the man I married had to be a preacher or a pastor. I was caught off guard because I never thought about the position I “wanted” my husband to have in ministry. I’ve just always wanted the man God ordained for me. If it’s God’s will that he’s a pastor, so be it. If it’s God’s will he’s an usher, then so be it. The title a person holds/or doesn’t hold has nothing to do with who they are as a person, let alone their relationship with Christ. Just because a man tells you he is called to preach, doesn’t mean he is the man for you, and it doesn’t mean he’ll be a good husband. –Yes ladies, there are some cheating pastors out there. - Not only are there cheating pastors out there, there are folks out there claiming this and that. Might not even be a Christian, just because they can quote the old and New Testament, doesn’t make them a Christian. - The bible says in 1 John 4:1 “Beloved, believe not every spirit, but try the spirits whether they are of God: because many false prophets have gone out into the world.” It’s important to test the spirit, because the spirit is who a person is. Anyone can pretend to be nice, or put on a front, but the spirit of a man shows whom he really is. Discern Discern Discern!

Earlier on Facebook I made this status:

So I'm watching 'Waiting to exhale'....the one lady Robin (she dates at least 3 different men during the movie and ends up pregnant at the end of the movie) is seeing the different sides of the men she's involed with. One takes her to a party and does drugs and gets drunk, another she's not really attracted to and the one she does love is just no good.

-I know at the end of the movie she realizes she is worth more than the guys she has settled for, but let's deal with the time she is settling-

Now as Christian women we are taught that the man should pursue us. Our "Adam" will identify us as his wife. Our "Boaz" will go to the elders before making us his wife. However, every man that is pursuing you is not one you have to date or should date. Just because a man wants you to meet his momma, doesn't mean he's worthy of dating you.

No we aren't to be pursuing men, but yes we can decline a pursuit. Don't settle just because you're getting attention. If he isn't exhibiting the 4 p's (priest,prophet,protector,provider)then don't bother.

No settling and no randoms, regardless of how "fine" he is.

#guardyourheart #knowyourworth

Now I’ve mentioned the 4 P’s before, but I can’t take credit for it. One day I was speaking with one of the ministers at my church about relationships and he brought them to my attention.

Priest: is a minister.

Prophet: an inspired teacher or proclaimer of the will of God.

Protector: a person that protects someone of something

Provider: a person that provides

A husband should be able to minister to his wife.(as well as she ministers to him) A husband is the head of his family, and he should be able to teach his wife and family, as God teaches him. A man in general is made to protect, so should a husband protect his wife. A husband should provide for his wife/family. (Don’t let the world fill your head up with being so independent that you don’t allow you husband to do the things he SHOULD do as not only a man, but a man of God.) Genesis 1:27 says “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female he created he them”. The imagine of God, is to say the likeness of God: morally, emotionally and mentally. Those 4 things are just some of the things God is to us.

Now when the minister at my church brought this to me he used an analogy. He said the 4 P’s or like the wheels of the car. You have to have all 4 or you won’t go anywhere. If you have a man that provides and protects, but isn’t a prophet (he can’t teach you the word), and he isn’t a priest (he can’t minister to your various situations) then what do you really have?

See for me relationships are all about growth, not just romantic relationships, but friendships also. I want to be in a state of continual growth. I never want to get stagnate in my relationship with Christ, and I never want to not be able to learn or grow. If you aren’t learning or growing along this journey, that means you are being hindered by something. You are either hindering yourself, and you’d have to be honest with yourself and God to see what that is. You might be hindered by a relationship, or by a friendship. Is anybody worth stopping your growth in Christ? People will either grow together, or grow apart, and you have to be okay with that. You can’t make a person be what they aren’t, and you can’t hold on, you just have to accept it.

I know the world teaches us to have a long laundry list of things our husband should and shouldn’t have. (Remember, we are in the world, but not of it. We don’t operate the way that they do. Yes you can still have standards; no-one is saying to do away with them.) Honestly, when you are allowing God to transform you, and work on you, that list becomes shorter. You are more likely to show others grace, because of the grace God shows to you. You are less impressed and interested in what he has material wise and more interested with what he has in his eternal savings account. You are more so concerned with his relationship with Christ, his spirit, and his willingness to be a vessel for The Lord, what type of father he will be to your children and things like that.

I just wanted to encourage my sista’s (and brothers) tonight. Don’t let the devil have you thinking that you aren’t worthy of someone great. (Don’t allow your past, having you think you are unworthy, remember anyone that is in Christ, is a new creature. The old is done away with, all things are new.)Talk to God and let him show you, your true desires of your heart, and ask him to make his desires, your desires. Know that you are worthy, and every person that gives you a compliment, or gives you attention isn’t necessarily the one for you. On the other hand, if no-one is approaching you, or giving you attention, know that God might be hiding you, because he’s working on you. A relationship is a two person thing, you might be ready, but the person God has for you might require some work. Be patient and wait on The Lord. I know it’s hard at times, but I honestly believe it is worth it. Wait I say.

If you love someone tell them

I love you

Destaynee

The Grammy's 2014

Every time an award show airs, or a game or anything worth talking about is on, Twitter is the place to be. You can get valid information and invalid information, people’s commentary and people’s opinions. You can also get a play by play of what’s going on, along with a few jokes. Last night the Grammy’s aired, and Christian twitter was buzzing.

I personally don’t watch The Grammy’s, the BET awards or those things, because I don’t agree with a lot of it. For one, I don’t listen to the music, and I don’t support the artists, so whether they get an award is not something I’m concerned with. That’s not to say anything about those that do watch, or support the music or artists. We all have free will and that’s a choice everyone is able to make. Sadly most people forget that. (Yes most, we like to fit people into our little box called expectations, and if they don’t live up to it we have a problem. Things don’t work like that). Every time these shows come on you have some people that like to condemn and bash those that watch, and on the other side you have those that are defending why they are watching it. Both of it is pointless. You can’t go to hell for watching an award show, and nobody cares that you aren’t too “holy, that you’re no earthly good” to where you can watch it. If you feel convicted, don’t watch it. Personal relationship people, do things based on YOUR relationship with Christ.

Here’s where it starts getting good. All night these artists are singing songs that are contradictory to what the bible is saying, but nobody says anything. (everyone is cheering them on. “that’s my jam”, etc) The songs are promoting sex, just as their attire. They’re shaking things, but again nobody says anything. Now I heard some gay couples got married during the show. It wasn’t until then that people were “out raged” and saying “oh they’re disrespecting God” and so forth and so on. So they weren’t disrespecting God, by saying “I thank God, a little bit” or in their songs, and in their videos? Is one sin greater than the others?

James 2:10 says “For whosoever shall keep the whole, law and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all.”

All sin is the same. They all require repentance! My question is, why do we only focus on certain sins. We don’t stand up against all sins, why is that? We stand up against the homosexuals and are quick to say “You are an abomination”. We are quick to look at the unwed woman with children and call her an adulterer, we see the murderer lock him up and give him the death penalty. But we don’t say anything to the drunkard, swindler, liar, or the idolatry, the lustful or the coveting. We see the lustful people IN THE CHURCH( you see them, eyes shifting like nobody’s business, and you can’t blame a person’s attire, a person with the spirit of lust will lust regardless of how people dress. Blaming other people, when a person has a lustful spirit, is just misplaced blame, and basically Okaying the lustful problem. It’s not okay!), but we don’t pull them aside and talk to them, warn the unruly says the bible. We have to remember, we fall short of the glory daily. We are in no position to be judging the lives of others. No it’s not our judgment, Yes its God’s, but we have to be careful in how we deliver this gospel.

You can’t preach “you’re going to hell if you do this or that”, and not give them a way out. You can’t preach hell, without mentioning heaven, and God’s mercy and his grace. You have to tell them about our savior, our friend, our Lord. You have to tell them how he can make them a new creature, wash away all their sins. There’s no way you can leave that out. The gospel is the good news, if all you’re talking about is how someone is going to hell, and not mentioning the cross, that is NOT good news. You don’t need to argue or debate the bible. The word defends itself and doesn’t require anything extra. The conviction it gives is enough and yours isn’t needed.

Also remember we can’t force anyone to believe or accept truth. God is for those that are seeking truth; you can’t expect those that are fine with deceit to accept truth. The best thing we can do (other than sharing the gospel) is praying for them. Your prayers will go a lot further than your arguing words will.

We have to get to a place in our relationship with Christ that we are sensitive to sin period (sin in general, not categorized). The closer you are to God the less tolerable you are to sin, but that also means the more susceptible you are to showing others grace. You’re able to show others grace and mercy, because you know that’s what God has been showing you.

God is love and if we are going to correct others, it has to be done in love.

Remain zealous, keep that fire going, but add a little love to your approach/presentation.

If you love someone tell them

I love you

Destaynee

Facing our reality and standing on our faith.

As I’m getting ready to take my son on a walk around our predominately white neighborhood, I’m faced with a decision. Do I wear the hood on my jacket or not? No, I’m not a black unarmed teenager or a black unarmed man in their twenties, but I am black. I am a black woman who is walking around her neighborhood having to teach her 4 year old to stay out of other people’s yards. He doesn’t understand racism or the hatred that is deeply rooted in some people. So I had to simply say “you can’t walk in other people’s yards.” Of course I got a “why?” All I could say to him was “because not everyone likes for people to walk in their yard”. I couldn’t tell my 4 year old, you might get killed for stepping on someone’s grass. Is this our reality?  

This morning I read an article where a young black man (age 21) was chased and murdered in Orlando Florida. The shooter of course is claiming “Stand your guard” because the guy was running; had on a hoodie and his pants were falling down, which could only mean he just robbed someone. -_- Not only did he chase him from his yard, but into another apartment complex. (Here’s the link to the article I read. http://politicalblindspot.com/another-man-in-florida-stood-his-ground-chasing-and-killing-youth-in-hoodie/).

A good fraction of my life I was raised on an Air force base. I didn’t have to worry about running through someone’s yard and getting in murdered, or chased down. I didn’t have to worry about someone hunting me down and murdering me if I was outside after the sun went down. Sadly this is something a lot of people have dealt with in the past and some are still dealing with even in today.

It is easy to get scared, when things like this are happening all around you. When you have young brothers, cousins and to think that this could’ve easily been them, when you’re raising someone that is most hated in the country you live in, because of their race.

We can’t give into our fear. We can’t stop living because others are so evil, we can’t not dress warmly because others are ignorant. All we can do is put our trust in God. We will be faced with evil until Jesus Christ returns. We can’t be afraid of the wiles of the devil. As Christians we have an expected end! We have the victory over evil. Don’t allow your faith in God to be shaken or stirred, based on what you see around you.(regardless of the situations we're facing,racism,the blatant evil of others, financial problems, illnesses,wayward children, whatever your reality is)  He is still the almighty God that we serve. The Alpha and the Omega. Rest in the hands of The Lord.

While everyone is busy "standing their ground", let's stand on our faith!

“The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul; he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow for death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. Thou prepares a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of The Lord forever.” –Psalm 23

For the record, I wore the hood on my jacket. I choose putting my trust in God over my fears; even in small things, like wearing a hood.

If you love someone tell them.

I love you.

Destaynee.

Single Mother 4.0|| Bullying in Pre-K?!!

“Why doesn’t my teacher love me mommy?  Why don’t my friends like me?  Who’s going to play with me at school mommy?”

These are the questions I’ve gotten asked night after night for weeks, by my 4 year old child. Unable to choke down the tears, I literally didn’t have the answers. How can a parent answer that? All I could do was hug him tighter and tell him I loved him, and that I’d play with him.

I’ve been contemplating whether or not I should share this. Although I’m transparent, I’m still very private (total contradiction I know), especially when it’s serious and has to do with my child. When I first thought about sharing this, it was for all the wrong reasons. I wanted to expose this school, the teacher and the directors. Yea I wanted EVERYONE to know how they treated me and my son. We all know God wouldn’t let that happen lol. So it’s been a few weeks, since my son has been to that school, and I’ve calm down enough to effectively share my story. Not to expose or bash anyone, but to bring awareness to other parents; to be a voice for my son, and other children across the world. You’re not alone.

It all started a few months back (End of Oct.) I would get calls all day while I’m at work concerning my son’s “behavior”. My son’s behavior has never been an issue (not outside the typical 4 year old tantrums etc) so to get calls from his school was extremely troubling and stressful. It got to the point where they were trying to tell me my son had “behavioral problems”. I refused to believe that. The way these people were talking to me, was typical for how people talk to young single moms. They talked to me as if I’m uneducated, as if I’m just going to take what they are saying and believe it, as if I’m not going to research, talk to other people, and most importantly pray.

My son was at this school last year, so the people knew me (except his new teachers) and I never had a problem with anyone. I should’ve seen the red flags, when they “mistakenly” failed to put a permission slip in my son’s folder for a field trip. Yes my child was the only one in the class, that didn’t get to go on a field trip. A field trip, that I didn’t even know about, until I picked him up and he’s asking me “mommy, why didn’t you sign the permission slip”. Shortly after the “umm we need you to come pick  you son up” phone calls starting coming in. (I thank God for my managers, being so understanding. I had to leave work, or not come in so many times in a row. I should’ve been fired, but my managers told me they didn’t even put the absences and me leaving in the middle of my shift on my work record. It’s like it never happened. That was ALL God! Won’t he do it, yes he will and yes he did!)

I had to change my complete schedule at work, so that I could be in the classroom with my son. I just didn’t believe the things they were telling me, I had to see for myself. Every day for about 2 months, I went to school with my son, sitting in on the class observing and seeing what was going on.

Firstly, the teacher barely acknowledged that I was there; she was extremely rude and unprofessional. Secondly I noticed, the way she treated my son, is the way the kids were treating him. She treated him as if he was a problem child, and the kids followed suit (in psychology we call that learned behavior). At circle time, the kids would get in a circle, but exclude my son from the circle. My son sat outside the circle until I said,” hey let’s make some room so he can fit in too”. They would choose him last when it came time for “recall”(to share which area you played in).There are other times during play time, he would try to go to a certain area and the kids would say “nooo, we don’t want you to play with us”. So my son would either play on the computer with me or in a corner with blocks by himself. One particular time when he was playing with the blocks, a kid came over and took one from my son. He asked for it back, and the kid didn’t, so like any other kid my child tried to get it back which turned into a tug of war that ended in a fight. Guess who was at fault. Guess whose behavior was “out of control”. Guess who was sitting right there, but didn’t intervene. (the teacher).

I cried almost every day in the car, leaving my son’s school to go home. I couldn’t stand seeing him being treated that way, I couldn’t stand seeing him fighting to be accepting by making jokes, and fighting to defend himself.

“Well why didn’t you take him out of the school” you ask?

I did! Just wasn’t soon enough. I tried to work with the teacher; I tried suggesting that he be placed in a different class. (They let him go in another class for a week; there were no problems, because those kids weren’t bullying him. They came up with a stupid excuse and said he couldn’t stay in that class)

The last straw (a couple of straws) for me was me pleading to the directors to do something about the bullying. The response I got was “I’m sorry this is happening”. The next day, the teacher read a story about keeping hands to yourself, but that didn’t happen. My son was punched in the eye, and put in a head lock while punched in the side, by a 4 year old!!! What did the teacher do? Nothing!! So I calmly said, "okay time to go". As I’m on the way out, the teacher asks to speak with me. Long story short, she was highly defensive unprofessional tried to justify why the kids bullied my son, said she feels like I’m criticizing her, and that I owe her an apology. Listening to her talk, I realized this was personal; this was more about her dislike towards me. I realized, wow I’m in the middle of a spiritual battle and I’m looking my adversary right in the eye. I didn’t give her the response she wanted, the loud talk, cursing all the negative things I’m sure she expected. I let her talk, I didn’t cut her off, but I saw she was wanting an argument. I didn’t give her one. That was my son’s last day.

I cried in the car (of course with the music up, so my son wouldn’t hear). How could the devil be so bold to come for my son at his school?(If the devil is bold enough to be chilling in the temple, he's bold enough to come anywhere.He hates our God, so he hates us, automatically.) Why are people so evil? What can I do? How could I let my son be exposed to this?

I was livid, I felt hopeless! After I calmed down, and expressed my frustrations to God. I was able to call the place that funds them and filed a complaint. I also filed a complaint somewhere else.( I know my rights lol)

I wanted to share my experience especially for my young moms, my single moms, just moms in general. God has entrusted us to raise these babies we have to do all we can to protect them on every level. They can’t speak for themselves, we have to be their voice! Letting my son continue to be exposed to such treatment, would have him believing this is all he’s worth. If I sat there one more day, it could have him thinking he deserves this treatment, and that I don’t care because I’m sitting on the sidelines watching. No!! We have to be advocates for our children. We have to stand up for them at all costs!

 Kids don’t know their worth on their own. It’s told to them as a child. “oh you’re so cute, you’re so smart”. They wouldn’t believe that, unless someone tells them. Our children get their worth from us,(until they are old enough to understand and know their worth is in Christ. At age 4 I can tell my son that, but he still cares about what mommy thinks of him) and we have to not only tell them they’re valuable, but also show them, by fighting for them when we have to, speaking up for them, and taking them out of un-healthy environments!

This experience has been one of a lifetime. No child should be bullied, or isolated in their classroom with a teacher as the silent witness, especially not in pre-school!

I thank God for keeping my son and I during this situation. He is fine, and so am I. I’m very cautious in looking for a new school; I kind of want to homeschool him. I’m still praying and waiting to hear exactly what should be done.

Young mom, Single mom, any mom, your main goal is to protect your child. People are going to judge you and your situation, and try to treat you any way, or “get over on you”. Children are the heritage of the Lord. Know that you deserve better and so does your child.

“Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere”-Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

If you love someone tell them.

I love you

Destaynee

Keep the dream alive

“The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at in times of challenge and controversy.”-Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Today is Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. day. Usually if I’m in Daytona I go to the parade, but I didn’t make any parades today. Mainly because I slept in. J  Today I was able to read some really good articles about Dr. Martin Luther King Jr, and watch some really good movies about the civil rights movement. When I watch movies like this I have mixed emotions. I watch these movies so proud of what black people were able to accomplish. So proud of their ambition and determination, to stand up against the injustices they were facing. I feel proud to see them coming together and working together, all for something bigger than them. These movies make me proud of my ancestors. The other emotion I feel is (for a lack of a better word) anger. It’s really hard to see people being treated like their life doesn’t matter. It’s hard to watch people justify their racism by saying “God made us separate for a reason”. It’s hard to watch black women raising white babies, but can’t even use the same rest room as them. Not to mention the blaring of the N-Word, beatings and killings. What makes it really hard is, yes these are just movies, but this was the life our ancestors and grandparents had to live.

(Many may argue that even today we still face racial issues. Black men are still being profiled, black women are still only seen as sex objects, but at least we can walk down the street without seeing our brothers and fathers hanging from a tree)

In high school we all got the very, short and watered down version of Black History month which included the same people one of them being, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. I’ve been out of High School for a few years now, and all I remember learning from there was he marched on Washington and gave a speech on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial. It didn’t mention that he “ended the terror of being a black person living in the south”, because white men walked the streets in search of a black man to lynch. Maybe that was left out to protect us as kids. Maybe that was implied? Maybe it was left out on purpose, who knows.

What I admire most about Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. was his ability to face his fear, and to teach others to face their fears. 2^nd Timothy 1:7 says “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind” He definitely demonstrated that, and led by example. Much like us, we must overcome our fears by facing them head on and not running from them. I’m also inspired by how Dr. King responded to his call, regardless of what it was like, what was going on, what people were saying, the pressure that was on him. He stood up and did what was required of him. I can only imagine what the world would be like if everyone that has responded to their calling, stood up and did what was required of them. How amazing would that be?! The only thing really stopping us is fear. With social media, and everyone voicing their (at times unnecessary) opinions we are afraid to step up in fear of judgment, and criticism. Would be still be living like our grandparents and ancestors had our civil rights leaders been too afraid? What isn’t getting done because we are too afraid to stand up? Who is suffering because we fail to take action due to the concern of other people’s opinions?  We serve Christ, not humans!

Joshua 1:9 “Have Not I commanded thee? Be strong and of good courage; be not afraid neighter be though dismayed: for The Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest”

God has commanded us, it’s time to trust him, know that he is with us and go!

It wasn’t until I went to a HBCU (Historically Black College/University) and took African American History and learned so much more. Sitting in my class at Bethune Cookman University, with a white professor, I’ve learned more about black history in one semester, then my 7years (6^th-12^th grade) of school. I’ve learned about people I’ve never even heard of before, inventors that don’t get their proper credit. Just like our ancestors didn’t wait for someone to teach them, we can’t wait for anyone to teach us. If we want more knowledge we have to go for it ourselves. You may not be able to afford to attend The Great Bethune Cookman, you may not be able to attend college period, but knowledge is everywhere. You can easily access the internet with WiFi being everywhere, or a library. When it comes to learning and knowing about your past, don’t settle for what someone just tells you. Find out for you to make sure nothing is left out.

My only question is who does our generation have? During the Trayvon Martin case, when we were trying to GET A TRIAL (How sad is that, we had to march, and sign petitions just to get a trial for a young boy’s murder, still sickens me) I was honored to hear The Rev. Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton speak. I was able to march the streets of Sanford with them among others, but who is going to represent our generation? Does our generation even care? These are questions I ask myself, but come up with no answers. While there might be someone from this generation working with them, I wouldn’t know. If it’s you, are you going to be courageous enough to stand up and remain strong when faced with adversity?

 Keep the dream alive.

“There comes a time when one must take a postion that is neither safe, nor politic, nor popular, but he must take it because conscience tells him it is right”-Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

If you love someone tell them

I love you

Destaynee

Your breakthrough starts with you

“Breakthrough” is a word that is common to the Christian. We are always “looking” for our breakthrough. “Looking” for ways to get out breakthrough, but what exactly is a breakthrough?  Now most people would say getting through a storm is a breakthrough. A Breakthrough might be defined as a break from adversity, a lift of financial burden, a medical miracle. Sadly a breakthrough to some people has to be something tangible. A lot of things that are valuable in Christ are not tangible.  Peace, joy, love, mercy, grace are just a few very valuable things, that aren’t tangible.

According to the dictionary Breakthrough means: a sudden, dramatic, and important discovery or development.

Today my Pastor preached on “How to get your breakthrough” So I suppose I am “piggy backing” off his sermon. (I posted/will be posting a video on my Youtube Channel sharing my take and my notes from the sermon) I want to focus more on “the breakthrough”

I think people confuse their “breakthrough” with their miracle, or their blessing. The breakthrough comes become the blessing and the miracle, but because we are looking for something that we can see with our eyes, we confuse them.

The breakthrough starts with you! Yes your breakthrough for whatever situation you are facing starts with you. The definition of Breakthrough says it’s a sudden dramatic important discovery or development. A sudden dramatic important discovery, sounds like hearing from God. Hearing God speak to you and giving you a thought, or a perspective that you didn’t have before, nor get without him.  We need to go to God in prayer, to hear what he has to say to us; to hear what has to say about our situation. God is always speaking, we just aren’t always listening.

Your breakthrough starts with you “But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.”-Matthew 6:33 Put aside all those get rich quick schemes; stop looking to your connections, stop looking to your education to give you your breakthrough. We need to go to God in prayer. We need to put our hope in God, and God alone. We have to trust the things God said in his word. We have to believe them to be true, even in our situations.

Once we hear from God, we have to allow him to change our perspective, renew our minds, and restore our hope. We have to let go of our old ways for doing things, and allow God to show us a new way. We have to let go of our old mindsets and allow God to renew our mind. We have to let go of out doubt, and hold on to our faith in the God that we serve. The God that we know is true and working things out for our favor.

So what are you saying Des?

I’m saying your breakthrough may not be $50,000 appearing suddenly in your bank account, but your breakthrough, may simply be in the restoration of your faith. Your breakthrough may not be in the healing of your sick aunt, but the belief that God will do it, if it’s according to his will, and if it’s not he knows what he’s doing. Your breakthrough may not be in getting married, but in your contentment with Christ. Your breakthrough is in your relationship with Christ, it’s in your prayers to God. Your breakthrough is in hearing what God has to say to you.

I pray that someone is encouraged by knowing that their breakthrough starts with them. We don’t have to wait to see things happen, but we can see why things are happening, by seeking God. Allowing him to speak to us and give us a different perspective of things. 

If you love someone tell them.

I love you.

Destaynee.

You can't fake it until you make it

     “Fake it until you make it” is a phrase that simply means; pretend as long as you can. It’s usually when someone is putting on a façade. (They are putting on a “front”, as if things are one way when they really are another way). Sadly this has become a culture. Everyone (not literally everyone, but a good percentage) is set on portraying themselves to be something they aren’t. We go broke buying purses, clothes, shoes and cars to seem like we are better off financially then we really are, and to be accepted by others. Meanwhile we can’t feed our kids, were living from paycheck to paycheck because we want to be accepted, but are really left empty.

     This is the same way some people are in the church. They go to church every Sunday, they attend every noon day service, every meeting, every bible study and Sunday school, but are so distant from God. They can shout with the best of them, quote every scripture from the Old Testament to the New. They are doing everything that looks good on the outside, but they don’t have anything on the inside. People have become religious; going through the motions, to please other humans, expecting God to accept their fake worship. We are instructed to worship God in spirit and in truth. John 4:24 “God is a Spirit: and they that worship him must worship him in spirit and in truth”.  Too often in the church worship is based on emotions. How can the Spirit move if we are trying to dictate service based on our emotions?

“Faith accepted, self-will rejected, enmity manifest”-Pastor Willie C. Barnes

Genesis Chapter 4 shows a perfect example of that.

Abel’s offering was accepted.  His offering was accepted because it was what was required of him. God taught Adam to give a blood offering, and Adam (assumingly) taught his children, the same. Abel’s offering was respected by The Lord, and so was he. He worshipped God in spirit and in truth. I know some people say well Cain was the tiller of the ground and, Abel was over the sheep. Regardless of the gift God has given us, regardless of what “assignment” God has given us we still have to meet the requirements. We are still held accountable.

Cain’s offering, shows an example of “self-will rejected”. He gave the offering he wanted to give, instead of what was required of him. He fulfilled his will instead of doing God’s. Therefore his offering was rejected and he was rejected by God. We have to be-careful not to do the things we want to do and expect God to accept it. God isn’t going to just accept anything, especially if it contradicts the way the bible tells us to worship. In ministry we just can’t do whatever feels good, looks good or sounds good. We have to do what is good and acceptable in the eyes of The Lord. I pray that in whatever capacity of ministry you’re in, you are allowing the spirit to lead you, and not the emotionalism that comes with being a human being on this earth.

After Cain and his offering were rejected by God, he was wroth (wroth meaning angry) and his countenance fell. Enmity was manifested in Cain. For Cain to blatantly go against the way he was taught to give an offering shows he already had enmity within him, this was just an opportunity for it to surface. Cain had an unwillingness to obey God. He was religious on the outside, but distant from God in his heart. He was trying to “fake it until he made it”, but he didn’t.  He was rejected by God.

The amazing thing about God is he always leaves room for his mercy. He gave Cain an opportunity to do right in Verse 7. He didn’t take the opportunity and then went on to kill his brother. When God gives us an opportunity to do right by him, take it. God is merciful and gracious enough to forgive us, even when we blatantly go against what he has asked of us. Even when we try to take things into our own hands and fulfill our own wills, he still forgives us, because we are under his grace. When we are accepted by God he will back us up, he will open doors, and move mountains just for us, because he loves us. His mercy endures forever, and his grace is sufficient in our weakness. We can’t forget that!

Let’s continue 2014 denying our self-wills and seeking God’s will and fulfilling it. We have to humble ourselves and realize we can’t “fake it until we make it”. Have to take our relationship with Christ seriously, and worship God in spirit and in truth.

If you love someone tell them

I love you

Destaynee

Check out the video I posted today on my youtube channel

http://www.youtube.com/NaturallyDes.com

Black women || More than a side chick

   Tonight was the premiere of a seemingly popular TV show on BET called ‘Being Mary Jane’. To be completely honest, I haven’t seen a full episode since it aired, neither have I seen a full episode of Scandal. I have a really hard time getting into shows like that. Shows were the main character is a black woman, but is sleeping with someone else’s husband. I’m very sensitive to the way black women are portrayed in movies, and on TV shows.

   These shows are set up in a particular way were yes, the main characters are doing well in their careers, but that’s it. At the end of every day Mary Jane and Olivia Pope are glorified side chicks!! America is constantly showing us black women, how they feel about us. (Which hasn’t been in a good light since Clair Huxtable) America is telling us no matter how good of a job you have, you will only be worth that of a side chick, a jump off, second best, and a home wrecker.

I’m here to tell you Black women we are so much greater than being a “side chick”! You are so much greater than being someone’s random call in the night; you are far greater than what your body has to offer. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalms 139:14

New Years Eve, before heading to Church

I know someone is thinking “this girl can’t ever chill? She always has something to say, can we live? It’s just entertainment”.

   I understand that these TV shows are just for entertainment purposes, but it is also a reflection of what is thought of us. It’s also something that is being used to pollute our minds and the minds of young girls and women in the next generation. This is just another way to try and oppress our people. Understand we as adults might be able to distinguish between reality and entertainment, but the younger viewers can’t. If you watch something long enough, you start finding yourself trying to relate or possibly emulate what you’re watching(If you saw Best Man Holiday, you were watching the characters to see which one you could relate to most, it’s what we do as humans. We want to be able to relate and to identify. That is no different in shows like these). Also if someone (the someone being the media, or the TV shows or the music) is constantly telling you repetitively what you are, you’re either going to stand against it, or go along with it. I’m finding that a lot of the times, people just go along with it. (Supporting it, promoting it, watching it, is going along with it). You’re accepting it. We as a people have gotten conditioned to just accepting the labels that have been thrown on us.

   Who’s willing to stand up and speak up against it? Are we too afraid to not be with the in crowd that we just accept foolishness? Or are we starting to believe America in thinking that we aren’t worth being successful black women in a faithful marriage on the TV screen?( Now BET did have a show, can’t remember the name of it with Tracee Ellis Ross, she was married and had a family, it was good and wholesome. Sadly it was not really accepted within the black community, it was said to be “corny” or “boring”, but why? Because the family was successful and the wife wasn’t cheating or being dogged out? This is what I’m talking about; we’ve been condition to seeing our people in drama and mess, that’s all we find entertaining.)

People are quick to be like “#TeamOlivia”, but you know good and well, if someone was messing with your husband or boyfriend you’d call her everything but a child of God. Why practice things that go against a godly marriage by watching and participating in the foolishness the world has to offer?

   Someone asked on Twitter “Why don’t we ever see white women as the “side chicks” in popular sitcoms” My response was “You Never will, they don’t exploit themselves in that way, only on reality TV”, that’s the truth.  White America treats Black women, the same way they did slaves back in the day, it’s just modernized. To them we are just sex objects, it’s fun to them to see a black woman used in that manner. This is done on purpose!

   I just want to provoke the thought process of my sisters, even my brothers; we don’t have to accept the images America has of us. We can’t allow America to dictate who we are and how we feel about one another. We can’t be desensitized to the many different ways America try’s to oppress us.( Yes in my eyes portraying a black women in such a low way of cheating with someone’s husband is oppression. It’s hindering and destroying the family structure and the way God intended marriage to be. Trying to keep us believing we don’t deserve better than sneaking around and lying). I just want better for my sister’s and brothers. I especially want my sisters to know that we are beautiful just the way we are, and we don’t need to sleep around with anyone for that to be known. We can be great and successful without going after someone else’s husband. Boyfriends, Friends,crushes, etc do NOT get husband treatment period. You are worth the wait. You are worth someone going to God and praying for you and then marrying you. You are worth it. You won’t find your worth on the TV or movie screen, you won’t find it in the music video’s on the cds, you won’t find it in a man pressuring you for sex, and you certainly won’t find it in a man that’s already married.

You will ONLY find your worth in God. You are so valuable to God he sent his son Jesus Christ to die on a cross, and rose the 3^rd day to save you from your sins.  Look to him for your value, not anyone else.

If you love someone tell them

I love you

Destaynee

Check out my youtube Channel also:

www.youtube.com/NaturallyDes