Journey to Forgiveness

When you hear the word restoration, what do you think of? When I hear the word restore or restoration I think of something that needs to be rebuilt, or built up, such as a building or a school. Now what comes to mind when you hear Christians being restored, or needing restoration?

As I mentioned briefly before, my church offers a 6 week Restoration class, focusing on forgiveness. Tonight was the last night for our session. (So bittersweet,I LOVED this class) Whenever I mentioned to someone from my church that I was taking that class, the response was always negative. I would get “ooh why do you need that class? You have everything figured out” or “oohh wow , I didn’t know you had forgiveness issues”. At first it was discouraging, but then I realized, I’m not the only one that has to practice forgiveness, I’m not the only one that has to forgive people for the horrible things they’ve done, so why are people acting like I am? It’s easy for people to go through life avoiding issues, and not addressing them or seeking ways to fix them. It’s easy for people to put on a front Sunday morning, but cry themselves to sleep every night. It’s easy to be comfortable and sit on those issues, as if they aren’t affecting other areas in your life.  It’s easy to do those things, but it takes courage for a person to realize they need work in an area and actually take steps towards fixing them, or healing, or making changes. I don’t just want to go through life coasting on being a good person compared to the people in this world. I want to go through life being everything God has called me to be, and he has not called me to be an unforgiving person or a broken person. I will never act as if I have it all together, because this life is a journey.

My reason for joining this class/support group was because I thought I was over my “fall situation”, I thought I had forgiven the person that had hurt me, committed a crime against me, but I didn’t. I realize I told myself I was over it and had forgiven him because I didn’t want to face it anymore. I didn’t want to face the pain and the hurt, so I had a false forgiveness. I was in denial. Pretending and trying to psych myself out about the situation only made things worse. I know people like to say “fake it until you make it”, but you can’t fake forgiveness.

 Forgiveness is like love, it’s a choice. Just as you have to choose to love, you have to choose to forgive. It doesn’t come over night; it doesn’t come by just saying it over and over to yourself. You have to WANT to forgive. You have to make up in your mind that you no longer want to be bound or held to this past issue. Not being able to forgive someone is robbing you from hope; it’s robbing you of a joyful happy future. For example, if someone was in a relationship with someone and that person cheated on them and they broke up, but never healed from that person cheating, never healed from that hurt, never forgave that person, how would they be able to experience true love? They will forever be bound to that past hurt, that they would never give anyone a chance. They would be robbing themselves from a potentially amazing person and relationship; that hurt that you’re holding onto is robbing you of your hope, of your future. Is that person that hurt you worth all of that?

 Think about Jesus, nailed to the cross even asked God to forgive those that crucified him (Luke 23:34 “And then said Jesus, Father forgive them; for they know not what they do. And they parted his raiment, and cast lots”). Jesus was the prototype; we are to be striving to be like him. If Jesus can forgive those that mocked him and beat him, and nailed him to a cross, can’t we forgive those that hurt us? Jesus wanted to forgive because he loves. If we are to love like Jesus shouldn’t we forgive like him also? You can’t forgive someone unless you love them, and since God instructed us to love thy neighbor as we love ourselves. Matthew 19:19 says “Honour thy father and thy mother: and, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.” Don’t you know God knows everything that has happened and will happen to us? He knows that so and so is going to hurt you before you do, even still he instructs us to love them. We are to pray for our enemies, how can you pray for someone unless you love them? If we TRULY love like Christ, then we have to forgive like him also. To me loving someone and forgiving them goes hand and hand. I love my son, sometimes he does things he’s not supposed to, yet I have no choice but to forgive him because I love him and he’s human, he’s going to make mistakes.

I think once we learn to stop taking everything so personal we will be a more forgiving people. We have to remember it’s not about us; it’s ALL about the building of God’s kingdom. We have to look past ourselves and realize that the people that hurt us are humans just like us. They make mistakes, they are dealing with things and they struggle in certain areas just like the rest of us. For me I had to stop with my high expectations. I can’t expect every Christian to be where I am spiritually, no matter how old, young or how long they have been in the church. We are all in different parts of our journey. I do believe we should be constantly growing.(There’s no way you can be sitting in somebodies church for YEARS and haven’t made changes in your life lol Just my opinion) To understand that we are all growing is to understand that we are all human.

I’ve had a few people via twitter ask me how can I forgive the men that have hurt me the way they have, my response is by God’s grace. I couldn’t forgive anyone if it wasn’t for God’s grace. If it wasn’t for me understanding God’s love for me, I wouldn’t be able to. No what they did wasn’t right. Forgiving people that have wronged us or hurt us isn’t condoning or okaying what happened. It’s being able to know that you’re bigger than the situation. It’s releasing the chains of bondage, it’s choosing to heal, and it’s choosing to be free! Forgiving someone doesn’t mean the hurt and the pain goes away immediately, but it will hurt a little less, you will overcome the pain, in due time.

 During the course of these 6 weeks I’ve prayed, cried, wrote letters, allowed myself to feel everything I was trying to numb. I had to get naked in front of God (as if he didn’t already know what I was dealing with) and allow him to show me what I need to do, what I wasn’t doing and how to do it. This process of forgiving is very uncomfortable. As humans we want to take things into our own hands, we want to hurt people they way they hurt us, we want to seek revenge, but the bible tells us not to in Leviticus 19:18 “Thou shalt not avenge, nor bear any grudge against the children of thy people, but thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself: I am The Lord.” This is why we have to die to our flesh DAILY, especially when it comes to forgiveness. Growth is uncomfortable and we will grow in uncomfortable situations, we just have to trust God to see us through it.

I encourage you to take a restoration class, if your church offers it. I encourage you to stay strong on your forgiveness journey. I pray that God strengthens you, so you can forgive those that have hurt you or wronged you and I pray that you are healed.

Here are a few scriptures we were encouraged to focus on.

Ephesians 4:32 “And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you."

Colossians 3:13 “Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye."

Hebrews 8:12 “For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their iniquities will I remember no more."

For I will restore health unto thee, and I will heal thee of thy wounds, saith the LORD; because they called thee an Outcast, saying, This is Zion, whom no man seeketh after. Jeremiah 30:17

If you love someone tell them

I love you

Destaynee

Sometimes the bigger person isn't always the one seeking forgiveness, but the one that gives forgiveness... even when it wasn't sought after...

Single Mother 2.0

I think there is an unfair judgment that comes with being a single mother. People expect you to be able to do the job that was meant for two without a problem. They love to say “you chose that dead beat when you had sex with him” or “should’ve thought about that before you got pregnant”.

Now I think I can speak for some (not all) single mothers and say we do what he have to do, it is NOT always easy, but we do what we can!

As a Single Christian Mother, I’m doing as the bible says in Proverbs 22:6 “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it” I treat that scripture as gold because children grow up. All I can do is introduce my child to God, get him in church, teach him how to pray how to love God, but at the end of the day (or when he’s older) it will be up to him to either stay on the path or stray away as some kids do, but the bible says he will NOT depart from it. My hope is him not departing from it, but that’s when the pressure kicks in. You look at the youth today and you can see, a lot of the young kids in trouble come from a broken home; the father not being in the child’s life. I’m sorry but once every other week, is not actively being in anyone’s life, let alone a growing child’s. The thing is we can’t control anyone. We can’t control how active or inactive a father is in their child’s life. We can’t control the quality that’s being brought when time is being spent with that child. (Sometimes it’s worse, than helpful) All we can do is hope that, the father see’s the importance of a positive role model in their child’s life.( but that’s NOT guaranteed)

Today I went up for prayer on this very subject, being a single parent and wanting to train up my child the way he should God. Helping him to become the very man God wants him to be. My pastor quoted Psalm 68:5 “A father of the fatherless, and a judge of the widows, is God in his holy habitation.” No matter what I do, God will ALWAYS be a father to the fatherless, whether the earthly father is alive, or not, involved or not. God is our father in heaven and that’s the same for the youngest of the children to the oldest of the adults. God is our father.

Past few weeks, my son has been asking for 2 baby sisters and 1 baby brother lol. I know this is coming from a book his teacher has been reading in class. (I think it’s quite cute) MY child is pretty persistent as much children are at his age. He’s reminded me ALMOST daily of his request of sibling’s lol. I tell him “Daniel when mommy is married, I will give you a sister or a brother”… but that just opens questions “when are you gonna get married, who are you gonna marry” (true story I was being GRILLED by my 3 year old lol) I told him just like I tell everyone else. Whenever God is ready for me to be married, and as for as who, that’s whomever God has for me. (of course that wasn’t enough for him he tried guessing

(-__-)

Psalm 68:6 was also mentioned in that prayer “God setteth the solitary in families: he bringeth out those which are bound with chains: but the rebellious dwell in a dry land.” God will bring Daniel and I the family he has for us. He will bring us the father figure, the role model, and the husband I need to help raise my son.

Single mothers(and dads) we have to remain encouraged when it comes to our children. We have to remind ourselves of God’s word, we have to remain in prayer when it comes to raising these kids. I always tell God thank you for trusting me enough to send me one of your children to look after. Yes these are our babies, but they were God’s babies first. He trusts us with his babies; we have to make him proud. Train them up biblically, keep them in church, cover them in prayer love them and teach them to be great men and women of God. We can’t get discouraged, but we can keep calm and take all of our burdens, worries and cares to God. We have to STAY prayed up, we have to take issues concerning our children to God and allow him to work it out for us, because he will. He knows what’s behind the corner before we even know we are going to walk past one. We have to trust him and believe him to be everything he says he will be, everything he has already shown himself to be.

Keep calm and trust God

If you love someone tell them

I love you

Destaynee

Going through, So I can come out new

Have you ever asked someone in church, how they’re doing, and they responded with the usual “I’m blessed and highly favored, I’m doing just fine” etc, knowing good in well they are in-between blessings, or having a hard time? Now I know we are people that are very private and somewhat prideful and we don’t want people knowing our business. After a while that front, that show that your trying to put on in front of others, is going to get old. You’re not going to be able to keep up the act, so why not face the facts? (You can fool us, but you can’t fool God)

Being a Christian doesn’t exempt you from the trials of life. Being a Christian doesn’t mean you get a pass from having to struggle. Being a Christian simply means that you have accepted Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and savior. You believe in the death, the burial and the resurrection. That doesn’t mean you won’t face issues, so why act as if you don’t have any? This is not to say you walk around depressed all the time, but it’s not to say you need to hide it or pretend it’s not there.

At my church we have a class called restoration. It’s a 6 weeks course, and I choose to take it. It talks about healing, and forgiveness and things of that nature. A lady that I know from my church saw me going into that class and she said “what are you going there for? You have it all figured out” While that may have been a compliment to some, it was a reality check for me. I don’t have it all figured out, that’s why I joined that class. I don’t ever want to be put on anyone’s pedestal like I have it ALL figured out. This is a journey that we all need help on. If you have ever gotten to the place where you think you “have it figured out”, then you’re missing out. No one has it all figured out, because  hopefully you’re learning ,hopefully you are growing in Christ, hopefully your relationship with God is getting deeper and deeper and he’s changing you to be more like him.

You would think a class like that would be packed with people. There is so much hurt in the church that goes untouched because people want to be perceived like they have it all together, like everything is alright. Knowing every night they go home and cry themselves to sleep, because they are trying to take this hurt on by themselves. We can’t fix these things on our own, because we are barely scratching the surface. God has to go in and do “open heart surgery” on us to truly fix the problem.

Today my Pastor preached a word that is so relevant to me in the season I’m in. He preached from Job 23:1-13 “coming out as pure gold”. Basically saying no matter what path we are on, no matter what path God is asking us to walk his deliverance is around the corner. Our victory is around the corner. Often time’s people see other people struggling and think “what sin did they commit in order to be facing such trials”. That’s not the case. I know for a lot of the things that happened to me, was not for me, was not because of me, but because that was the path God asked me to walk. I had to go through something’s I would’ve never imagined myself going through, because God asked me to. I know that this life is not about me, but all about the building of God’s kingdom. God has given me a testimony, for the purpose and the calling he has on my life, not because I was a horrible person. I’ll never forget when Rev. Jesse Jackson preached at my church and said “There is power in the blood of the innocent”. There is power in the testing and the trials of those that are walking righteous. There is power in the pain and the hurt of those walking right in the Lord. There is power in testimony of God’s people. Everything isn’t happening to people because they are getting punished. See we may not always know the power that we have in Christ, we might not know the threat we pose to the devil, but he does, so he has to petition to God in order to rile us up. God allows it, but it doesn’t mean God approves it. Yes God allowed that person to hurt you, but it doesn’t mean he approves of the pain it caused you. Yes God allowed innocent people to die, but that doesn’t mean he approves of the action. “There is power in the blood of the innocent”. (We expect bad things to happen to bad people, but when bad things happened to good people we lose it. God has it all in control, and it’s SO much bigger than us, we could never understand it, that’s why we just have to trust him. Remember what Jesus did on the cross. An innocent man, that was betrayed, persecuted, lied on etc was whipped and beaten,and mocked. There is power in the blood of Jesus, Healing in the blood of Jesus, life in the blood of Jesus, protection in the blood of Jesus)

When we are going through “rough times” maybe it’s just God purging us so we can become closer to him, so we can bear the fruit he expects us to bear. Romans 5:3-5 “ and not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience ; and patience, experience; and experience hope: and hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by The Holy Ghost which is given unto us.”

  John 15:2 says “every branch in me that beareth not fruit he taketh away: and every branch that beareth fruit, he purgeth it, that it may being forth more fruit”. I can give PLENTY examples of how God had to take things out of my life in order for me to bear the fruit. God had to end certain friendships and relationships in order for me to bear the proper fruit. Sometimes we are going to go through things, we are going to lose something’s AND some people, but we will be better for it. It’s all a process. It’s all so we can come out better than when we went in. It’s ultimately for the better.

 Once we truly understand that the things we face aren’t about us, and are about God we will be better off.  When we humble ourselves and understand that we don’t have it all together and we need God for all things, we’ll be better off. When we understand that in order to come out of something’s we have to go through something’s. The situations we face may get hard sometimes, may seem unbearable at times, but we have Jesus. When we understand the relationship  God want’s to have with us, we’ll know we can cast ALL of our cares on him because be careth for us. Understand no matter how hard the situation is, God cares, and he loves you!! Don’t let your situation make you think God doesn’t care or love you because that’s a lie. He loves us the same as the day he sent Jesus Christ into this world to save us.

If you love someone tell them

I love you

Destaynee