The End to A Mother's lies

 Enough is enough.

I've been lying to my son for the past 10 years.

I lied to protect him.

To shelter him.

To keep him "safe"

To protect his emotional and mental state.

But today, enough is enough.

You came to celebrate his birthday,

but two weeks later you did not show up to the youngest son's birthday.

You called.

We haven't heard from you since.

But this is nothing new. 

This is how you've been for 12 years.

You show up randomly a few times, then you go ghost.

How you ghost your own flesh and blood?

Before when my oldest would ask 

"where's my dad?"

"Why hasn't he called?"

"Why doesn't he answer the phone?"

I would lie.

I would lie to protect your reputation.

I would lie and say you were busy,

you were working,

you were helping someone,

you were out of town and your phone died

or probably sleep.

But today, enough is enough!

Today he asked why dont you call him and I told him straight up.

You're crazy, you come around when you feel like it and it's unacceptable.

I told him I can't make you be a father and I'm not going to waste my time trying.

I told him, it's not right and its not fair, and I hope he doesn't do the same when he gets older.

He looked at me and said he understands, and he was just waiting for you to buy 2k for his xbox like you said you would months ago.

I know he doesn't understand. He thinks he does, but he doesn't fully understand that this is a cycle that I'm ending!

 I'm sure your mom used to lie to you about your dad.

 Hell she used to try and get me to lie for you.

Those lies, and excuses did not hold him accountable, and they haven't held you accountable.

That is why it's so easy for you to do the same thing to your son's that your dad did to you.

But today enough is enough!!

I'm no longer making excuses for your absence as a father.

I'm no longer going to sugar coat your decision to be a deadbeat dad.

I'm no longer playing a role in this toxic ass cycle.

My hope is being honest with my sons, will in someway hold you accountable..

Hold you accountable in a sense that they understand there is no excuses or reason good enough for you to not be in your kids lives. 

There is no good reason to come in and out of your child's life.

Telling them the truth so they won't repeat the same cycle.

Dont worry, I don't and won't go out of my way to speak ill of you. Not to the kids. However, when they ask why you don't call them or why you don't come around I will not make an excuse for you. I will not lie to them,

I won't go into details of your life style.... yet. When they get old enough and ask questions.. I will answer accordingly.

They deserve to know that your absence and lack of attempts to be a good father has nothing to do with them, but everything to do with you and what you decided to prioritize.

I'm sure a lot of people won't agree with what Im doing, but they haven't had to look my son in his face with tears streaming down his face wondering if his dad loves him or not.

You haven't had to do that.

You haven't spent years pleading with this man to be an active father,

So save your judgement for someone else. 

The black community and black family is notorious for keeping secrets.

Leaving people guessing.

Sweeping shit under the rug.

Hiding and omitting truths thinking its helping, when in reality it is actually hurting.

The lack of accountability, and the lack of facing these hurtful truth is what allows these cycles to continue..

This learned behavior of just accepting things for what they are and not challenging or changing it has to stop.

It stops here.

it stops with me and mine.

Enough is enough.

Signed,

Young Queen Mother Goddess