This whole concept of “boys will be boys” is one I have
failed to comprehend. “Boys will be boys” is just an excuse to allow boys to do
whatever they want, whenever they want and get away with it because they are
boys. This is one of the most ridiculous phrases, and concepts that I’ve heard,
ever.
A few months ago my son was having problems with his behavior
in school. Talking back, trying to be the class clown, etc. I went and met with
the assistant principal, a black man. We discussed the changes my son was
facing at the time, the issues black people face, but he shared his plight as a
black man living in this world. It was really a great conversation, but it
ended with this counter-productive phrase." Don’t worry mom, “boys will be boys”.
I couldn’t believe he would end such an in-depth, insightful conversation with
that phrase.
Black boys will NEVER just be boys!
Nothing negative,
positive or indifferent they do will be seen as “he’s just a boy being a boy”.
Ask Emmitt Till, Tamir Rice, Trayvon Martin, Jordan Davis, Mike Brown, George
Stinney, Martese Johnson, Lennon Lee Lacy, Jimmy Lee Jackson and the countless
black boys America has martyred. Unfortunately, you won’t be able to ask any of
those boys, except Martese Johnson, because the rest were killed for doing
things that “boys do”.
As a mother raising a black boy; a child that the world
is constantly critiquing, criticizing and judging, I find myself being extra
hard on my son. In the store I tell him don’t touch anything (they might think
you’re trying to steal). Don’t run too fast (they might think you’re trying to
get away). Oh honey, don’t stand too close (they might feel you’re threatening
them). Don’t play too rough (they might think you’re trying to hurt them). You
might think, wow what can your son do? Are you being too dramatic? No, these
are things I have to think about, and without going into detail, make my son conscious
of.
Boys will be boys; will NEVER apply to little black
boys!
Quite frankly, it shouldn’t apply to anyone. There is a
lack of accountability that is going around in our society. Everyone is
literally going around and doing what they want because there is no
accountability, no standard, no expectations, nothing!
I know I’m young, but I take being a parent very
serious. Yes my son and I have our fun times. We play hard, we prank each
other, we make jokes together we do it all. However, God gave me this child to
take care of, and I do just that. There is no room for this “boys will be boys”
hogwash. I’m too busy training up my child in the way that he shall go, so when
he is old he will not depart from it. I’m raising a boy that will one day be a
productive citizen in this world. My son will one day be a man that will have
standards, morals, expectations and will hold himself accountable. I have a prince,
which will one day be a king; a king that will one day represent not only me and
our family, but Jesus Christ.
It’s not fair; the scrutiny and judgement our boys face,
but those judging will one day face the ultimate judge. Let’s do our part while
we can. I believe in putting in 100 percent at all costs. Even if your effort
isn’t seen praised or reciprocated, you can at least say you put forth your
all.
My
son is doing so much better than he was a few months ago. He has gotten used to
our new environment and our changes. He’s dealing with the past bullying, my
work schedule and his new school wonderfully. Thank God he’s adjusted. Thank
God for the men at his aftercare those have become mentors to him. It takes a
village when raising these kids especially when you’re a single mom. Choose
your village wisely. Use discernment and pray. God will send the right people
in your path. Trust me.
If you love someone tell them,
I love you
Destaynee
