I get lonely too

Yesterday I started reading a book that one of my little sisters in Christ got me a few years ago. I’ve read it before, but again that was a few years ago. The book is called “When a woman lets go of the lies” –Discovering the truth about who you are in God’s eyes- by Cheryl Brodersen.

I picked up this book, really with the intentions to occupy my mind. Social media has been way too much for me these past few weeks. I’ve even made statuses about how people are using social media to show off and brag about what they’re doing or what they have. Too much of that just isn’t good. It can cause you to question and even doubt your accomplishments, achievements and your goals. You really have to guard yourself when it comes to that aspect of social media, but that’s another post, for another time.

Anyway, so this book really deals with the lies we are told and begin to believe. It starts back to by the garden when Eve was deceived by the serpent. Eve bought into the lie she was told about the fruit on the tree she was not supposed to eat from. How many years later and we are still doing the same thing? (Believing lies) I’m speaking from being involved with the Christian community. Anytime I would mention the feeling of loneliness my Christian peers would assume or imply I’m not content with Christ. They would question my faith and the strength of MY relationship with Christ, most of the time this judgement would come from women that are married or in serious relationships. For a while I bought into that lie. Saying “Oh my goodness, am I discontent with my savior?”, “Do I really have an issue with my faith?” or “ Is my desire for love unhealthy or ungodly?”. Reading these questions I’d ask myself now, just make me shake my head. There is nothing wrong, unhealthy, or ungodly about having a desire to love and to be loved. Just because you feel lonely doesn’t mean you’re coveting or idolizing the ideal of relationships! –There is a difference-.

God understands that we would have desires. That’s why it says in his word that if we delight ourselves in him he will give us the desires of our hearts. This of course is subject to God’s timing.

Before I understood that there was nothing wrong with me wanting love, I would isolate myself from everyone. Honestly sometimes I still do, but when I do it’s now it’s not out of shame like before. It’s so I can let God help me sort through my feelings (The truths and the lies about how I’m feeling.) because before I would even try to convince myself “maybe I’m meant to be single forever”. That was a lie I believed for a moment. God and I had this conversation. He’s reminded me of the desire HE placed in me, and how he will give me the desires of my heart. I just have to trust and be patient.

I had a conversation with my friend, who is really like a sister to me, a few months ago. She’s married, but I asked her how she dealt with feeling alone/loneliness while she was single. She said she allowed herself to feel whatever it is she was feeling, and talked to God about it. She said she cried.. a lot.

One thing I’ve learned over the years and even to this day. When dealing with emotions the best way to heal, is to feel. If you’re sad it’s okay to feel sad. If you’re happy it’s okay to be happy and so on and so forth. A lot of these Christians with huge followings say they would just do things to stay busy. While it’s important to occupy, and not stay idle, you should never ignore or mask your feelings.

That whole “fake it til you make it” concept is a part of the deception that keeps people from Christianity. Too many Christians only want to share the parts after they were delivered, after they got through. Nobody wants to share about the nights they cried themselves to sleep the different emotions and feelings we all feel or have felt at some point regarding something.

All in all I want people to know, “I’m just like you. I get lonely too”.

There’s nothing wrong with feeling lonely, even if you a Christian. Your belief in God sending his only begotten son Jesus Christ to die for your sins and rise up in 3 days, does not make you exempt from human emotions. Everyone wants to feel love, everyone wants companionship. There is nothing wrong with that!

•       Get a journal and write your feelings out.
•          Stay in constant prayer. Ask for peace when you get overwhelmed with any emotions .
• Have faith. Never stop believing God for the impossible.

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If you love someone tell them.

I love you

Destaynee

Grace and mercy

Grace, mercy, its new each day.

Well that’s what they say but how is that the case when I’m waking up in pain.

 Waking up to a world filled with hatred each and every day.

Each and every day a new hashtag for another black man that was killed.

 No time to mourn, too busy trying to keep mine safe, too busy trying to educate.

Keep your hands where they can see them at ALL times.

Grace, mercy it’s new each day.

That’s what they say, but how does that apply to me when I’m slaving at this job and I can’t even make my ends meet.

 In this place of stress and anxiety wondering if I’m gonna have enough food for me and my son to eat.

Grace, mercy it’s new each day, but what about those days I prayed for the rain, so nobody could see my tears.

The darkest nights so I could hide from my fears.

But you know I couldn’t stay here, I couldn’t stay in the place.

God promised me the abundant life, and this was not it.

 You see I thought I needed something new.

 I was asleep with my eyes wide open, when all I really needed was you.

 I needed to refocus, wake up and really see you.

 I needed to stop watering other people’s grass and wondered why mine wasn’t growing or even green.

I was carrying all these burdens looking for a miracle and trying to fix it on my own.

The miracle was there all along.

 Cast your cares on the Lord, for he careth for you!

God’s grace and mercy was there all along, it’s what got me through.

It wasn’t until he brought me out, that I was able to understand why I even went through.

It was to see his Grace and his mercy, which is new each and every day.

And that’s what I say.

I wrote this poem back in late March, early April. I had to “perform” a piece at an event and I just let my pen flow. God really deals with me through my writing, that’s why I write. I don’t always share my poems because “I’m and artist and I’m sensitive about my stuff”.

I’m sharing this one because I feel it is very relevant. We’re all watching black people murdered and beaten in the street, almost daily. While dealing with our own situations, and trying to help others and maintain and operate in our daily life.  I’ve had people ask me “where is God during all this? ““Is the devil this prevalent on earth?”

The devil walks the earth like a lion seeking whom he may devour. He’s out there doing what he does. We have to remember that God is also here doing what he does. Scripture tells us to look to the hills from which cometh our help. We are told to seek the kingdom of God. We are told to constantly seek his (God’s) face. God knew that social media would become what it is, and possibly become a major distraction to many of us. Social media has many pros and cons, but having access to it at all times can cause us to lose our focus and cause us to question “where is God”. God knew exactly what each of us would go through that’s why we are told repeatedly to trust in the Lord our God. It’s not always easy to trust God, especially when you’re operating with your limited knowledge and sight. God literally does the impossible and until you believe that, it will be hard to trust him.

I can’t go out to every city and protest and march, I can’t help every young mother or young girl or boy. What I can do is use my experiences and my words to try to encourage and share and hopefully inspire. Take responsibility of your influence, no matter how big or small, you can make a difference, and if nothing else God hears your prayers.

If you love someone tell them,

I love you

Destaynee