Insensitive or too sensitive?

Past few weeks I’ve been kind of uninterested in Youtube, and by Youtube, I mean the people I’m subscribed to. I haven’t really been keeping up with them, mainly because I’ve been focusing on my reality. Today I had some free time so I decided to catch up on some of the videos of the people I usually watch.

I saw a new upload from a young Christian interracial couple. I can’t remember the title of the vlog, but it caught my attention. Needless to say I only watched like the first 5 minutes (maybe 7) of the vlog. I couldn’t stand to watch another minute. The beginning of the vlog was basically of the wife, who is black taking out her braid extensions. She was expressing her frustrations with her hair, because she is newly natural. That was fine we all gripe about our hair. When her husband, who is white walked in he started making “jokes” about her hair, and she chimed in. Calling natural hair nappy, and other things, not only did he make remarks that are easily offensive, especially to their viewers he said “black people take a joke”, “I’m just joking” while making jokes and even mentioning Lupita. The wife, proceeded to say” if anyone is offended they are stupid”. Guess I’m stupid because I stopped watching immediately.

“Well Des, why are you so offended?” Glad you asked. I’m not offended by her thoughts of her hair, or her husband’s thoughts about her hair. What offends me is the insensitivity that we as black people are continued to face, so much so that we do it to ourselves. What offends me is that black people are continuously made the but of everyone’s joke and if we aren’t laughing along we are “too sensitive.” What offends me is the plight of black people is made a mockery of.

People love to say someone is being “too sensitive”, but the fact of the matter is, people aren’t being sensitive enough! It’s so easy to make “jokes” or make statements about something you aren’t facing, something you aren’t in. Black people are told constantly to “get over” slavery, “get over” injustices like Trayvon Martin, and Jordan Davis, Emmett Till, we are told to “get over” the fact that even today we still don’t see people that look like us on the screen, unless they’re slaves, side chicks or criminals. I won’t get over it, and I’m not being “too sensitive”. America, the media, music, movies, etc are run by people that are insensitive, people that will NEVER know what it’s like to be black in America!

For the people that do know what it’s like to be black in America; making a mockery of the plight your people faced in the past and continue to face is not funny nor will it ever be. Don’t allow yourselves to be brainwashed into thinking it’s okay. People generally make fun of themselves because they want to beat other people to it, or they want to be accepted by others so they make themselves the joke. Look I’m not trying to be accepted by anyone. I refuse to be the but of any “black people jokes”. It’s just down right ignorant.

 -I saw a meme of Jesus Christ, talking with kids and one kid was black and the caption said “Give it to me Tyrone, I know you took it” (something along those lines) implying that the black kid stole something. People find that hilarious, I find it ignorant, and distasteful, and I’m puzzled at the black folks that find it so hilarious. Mind boggling.-

For anyone that is vocal about anything keep in mind it’s not what you say, or how you say but how it’s received. I know a lot of people say “I’m going to say what I say, and how you take it is your business”. That’s not the attitude to have. When you are communicating something to someone, especially those that don’t know you well, you want to be sure that what you’re saying is communicated with clarity. It’s very immature to say things off the hip and leave it up to the other person to figure out what was said, or how it should be taken. Perception is everything! Being that we don’t know how people are going to perceive things, we must be careful of what we’re saying and how we’re saying it.

I’m not perfect, and I’m very mindful of what and how I say things. Filtering your thoughts, or opinions, isn’t NOT keeping it real. It’s keeping it real enough to make sure you don’t offend anyone. - For example, Just because someone doesn't look cute, or handsome, it isn't your business to tell them that.- I never want to purposely offend someone, or be insensitive to others. I know how powerful words are, so I’m mindful of the way I use them.

There is NOTHING wrong with joking, or laughing at jokes. I live for a good joke(not literally), however, not at the expense of something that’s kept or keeping a people down. Not something that is hurtful to others. Some jokes are better left at the kitchen table!

If you love someone tell them.

I love you

Destaynee.

All faith, No fear

Today I had an interview. This interview came out of the blue, seeing as I wasn’t expecting it. I mean I’ve been looking for a second job, and I believe God for it; however I still didn’t see it coming. I was so excited when I got that call yesterday. I wasn’t nervous about the interview until today. I was so nervous about it; I left my house 30 minutes early, just so I can drive slowly and relax.

Once I parked my car, I realized there is no way I can walk into this interview this nervous. This nervousness was part fear and uncertainty. All kinds of thoughts were running through my mind.

“What If I don’t get the job?” “What if I do get the job?” “Are they going to be flexible with my schedule?” “Am I going to still have my time with my son?” Literally a million thoughts ran through my mind and just fed my fear.

Then that still small voice said “Regardless of what happens I am your provider, your hope is in me, not a job.” Then I said well God I hadn’t been on an interview in a few months. Then he told me “Be strong and of good courage, I am with you withersoever you go” Joshua Chapter 1! So I immediately went to Joshua and read the first chapter again.

Then I realized, I’m really afraid of change.  I’m not afraid of being rejected, but I’m afraid of the change that could come with the new job (how silly is that?). In the first chapter of Joshua, Moses was dead, and it was up to Joshua to lead the people over the Jordan. I’m sure he was afraid of having to lead, and I’m sure the people were afraid and unsure of having a new leader. Are we going to let change stop us from walking into our inheritance?  If God is leading us somewhere, are we really going to let the fear of change stop us from following him?

Me and my little cousin, at my aunt's 50th birthday party

I’ve gotten so comfortable in my situation, that when an opportunity to possibly come out of it, came it had me scared. When God revealed to me how ridiculous this was, I asked him to take it away, and repented. I always say I never want to be complacent n my relationship with Christ, which includes him leading me in other areas of my life.  I refuse to allow fear to hinder me in anyway.

Sadly, we do that; when it comes to ministry, we allow fear to hinder the ministry. We don’t want to try anything new, hear any new ideas, try different approaches or let new people be involved. We allow fear to hinder our relationships, everyone is afraid to get hurt, but no one is willing to take that risk because of fear. So we miss out on a great person or a great friendship. We allow fear to hinder the growth of ourselves in our relationship with Christ. He reveals something to us that needs changing, but because we are used to our old ways we refuse to change out of fear. Regardless of the situation, we were not given the spirit of fear, but of love power and of a sound mind. Fear is not of God!

Fear is one of the ways the devil can influence us to do something outside of what God is leading us or telling us to do. Fear will have us doubting not only God, but the gifts he placed in us. Fear will have us second guessing ourselves, making the smallest things the biggest deals ever.

We have to really guard our hearts, especially when fear try’s to creep into our minds. We have to cast it down immediately, and remember God’s promise. He will never leave us nor forsake us; he’s with us wherever we go. It doesn’t get any more amazing than that. God is with me, when I’m facing a hard test, when I’m being confronted by a bully, when someone is trying to intimidate me, when someone is rejecting me, when I’m feeling inadequate, when I’m crossing over the “Jordan’s of life God is with me! That’s just so amazing.

After having this enlightening conversation with God, I felt so refreshed and so confident in him. My trust was once again restored. As Christian’s we always say “I’m trusting God”. Trusting God does not always mean it’s easy, sometimes it’s hard, but it’s worth it. He can see around the corner, he knows what’s best and he knows the plans he has for us. I’m so comforted in knowing that when I don’t know, God always knows.

I’m encouraging you all to face your fears head on. You never know what lesson or blessing you can attain from following God into the uncharted territories of life. Don’t allow fear to rein over your life. God is the only one that reins! All faith, No Fear!

If you love someone tell them

I love you

Destaynee

Letter to my brotha's

“I love everything about you….. Except the fact that you’re dark skinned”.

These were the words that came from a black Christian man, to me. Not only was he my “brotha”, but he was my brother in Christ. I wonder if he missed the part in the bible were it says, “Love thy neighbor, as you love thy self” If you hate my dark skin, how do you feel about yourself? Stop disguising your prejudice as preference; I know what this is about.

I’m so proud Lupita Nyong’o won the Oscars. Finally someone that looks like me! She doesn’t have extensions, but she’s rocking her short natural hair proudly. She’s not wearing make-up 5 shades lighter to change the appearance of her skin complexion. She doesn’t have implants or a butt lift. Her appearance defies everything America views as “beautiful”. What you deem as “bad”. What we were taught was appealing. Quite frankly that’s just so sad. Lupita is gorgeous and so is anyone that can relate to her.

  

India Arie has a song that says “I ‘am not my hair, I ‘am not my skin”. However, that’s all I ‘am to those not willing to see what’s within.

When you see me what do you think? Wait, let me guess… too black, bushy hair, probably has an attitude, uneducated and probably swears? When can I speak my mind without it being viewed as an attitude? When can I speak my mind without being viewed as an “angry” black woman? Though our voices have been stifled before, we have thoughts and opinions that need to be heard.

When will you understand that we represent your sister, your mother, your great grands and all your ancestors! We matter now, just as they mattered then. Stand-up be a man; stop allowing new age slavery, prejudice, and racism to consume your heart within.

The way you treat us….this treatment we receive is detrimental, and it kills the self-esteem. We’re in this together, fighting to be valued in America. We should build each other up, not tear each other down! Stop disguising your prejudice as preference! We know what’s going on.

Now I know what you’re saying “It’s your fault for looking to man for validation”. I’m not looking to man for validation. My value comes from Christ; I’m just tired of being insulted in your attempt to compliment me by saying “you’re pretty to be dark skin”. Saying “I never liked dark skinned girls, but you’re different” will no longer suffice. It doesn’t make me feel special; it just shows your ignorance. Stop disguising your prejudice as preference. I know what it’s about.

You fall victim to the same thing that got me. America home of the beautiful, never really applied to me. Generational arguments of “oh no girl, you’re blacker than me”. Seeing family members insult one another using the same term, the same word, the same adjective, we put a check next to when filling out paper work. Black!!

No-one is perfect, and we all need work, but could we please move forward, not backwards regarding us. We have to undo the brainwashing that was done to us. Ignore the media and be an advocate for us. Protect our minds from biased injustice stereotypes. Educate and encourage the next generation, but in the meantime, and in between time, do us and yourself a favor. Stop disguising your prejudice as preference. We know what it’s about!!!

If you love someone tell them.

I love you

Signed, your equally beautiful sista 

Destaynee

People care more about Boosie's return than Jesus'

Last night, rapper “Lil Boosie” got out of jail and, Social media went crazy upon hearing this news. “Lil Boosie” was in jail for apparently smuggling drugs into jail, while he was already in jail for marijuana charges. (I thought he was in prison, for allegedly murdering someone, but since I don’t know enough about that I won’t speak on it.) However he is a pretty popular southern rapper. I remember his songs “Wipe me down” and, ”distant lover”.’

It seemed like time news hit twitter, everyone went crazy, literally crazy! Most everyone was excited and happy, some people didn’t care, and others used this opportunity to bring up Jesus.

The Following tweets are tweets I tweeted, upon seeing how crazy everyone went.

·        “If only the hood went crazy for Jesus as they do for Boosie”

·        “If only people were this excited to spread the gospel of Jesus Christ, as we are to share the news of Boosie getting out of jail.”

·         

I received both negative and positive responses for those 2 tweets. (Even got cursed at). Now admittedly, not knowing me and how I use slang, the term “hood” could be offensive. When I use/used the term “hood” it wasn’t directed towards black people, people living in a particular neighborhood, it was used to talk about everyone in general! I use that term as short for neighborhood, just as I do when talking to my brother about our neighborhood. I did apologize for the miscommunication on that, but that’s not why I was getting this negative back lash.

I had a young lady tell me that she sees I’m an advocate for Jesus, but me speaking about how I don’t listen to Boosie or other rap artist is turning people away from Jesus. O_o huh? YES that is what she said to me. She proceeded to say she would pray God opens my mind to stuff like that. How backwards is that? I just let her tweet on, because I saw what was going on.( she was feeling convicted and instead of getting mad with God, she got mad with me)

-The reason I tweeted that was to bring awareness of our priorities.We are so quick to talk about frivolous things, but when it comes to Jesus, we get "hush mouthed". Why can't we get excited about Jesus, as we do about people we don't know,coming home from jail?-

I speak openly about Jesus, and even my convictions based on MY relationship with him. I tell people always especially those that are new to the faith, to get their OWN convictions. The only way to do that is to have your OWN relationship with Jesus. I don’t listen to secular music. Let me define what secular is to me. Secular music to ME is anything that goes against my relationship with God. I’m not going to listen to songs about killing people, drugs, sex, material objects, and blasphemy. I don’t listen to rap, hip hop, rock heavy metal etc. Now I will listen to some old school R&B, Jazz, old soul hip hop, Neo Soul, but honestly I don’t listen to it often. If you’ve read my blog post on music you would understand why. I struggled hard with music. God revealed something’s to me about music and the industry a while ago, and back then I was a heavy Jayz fan, Kanye, Young Jeezy all those guys. When he told me it was time to give it up, I fought it, because I LOVE music, but I did. I gave it up except Wale. I loved Wale (back in his mix tape days like ‘More about Nothing’ was my favorite) eventually I had to give him up too, and I did.

Before Wale Concert 2011

After Wale Concert 2011

See for me I take guarding my heart seriously, because I know the power and impact music can have. I love Toni Braxton and BabyFace together, but I’m not going to listen to them all the time to the point I start idolizing what their singing about (relationships,)(a few people on twitter refer to those that don’t listen to secular music as “deep fried saints”, they say things like, “when I get married, I’m not going to be making love to no weapon formed against me by Fred Hammond”, but they have to remember what they said. WHEN they get married. If you aren’t married, you should protect your ear gates from songs that are talking about making love, because that little seed could start to grow and then you have issues with lust and/or masturbation). I love India Arie , Jill Scott and Lauryn Hill, but I don’t listen to them all the time.(I love gospel music, and I love listening to it. Worship music is not a punishment lol) I know how much I can take, and I know when I can take it. If I’m feeling sad for being single, I not going to listen to a bunch of love songs. (Same goes with movies/tv shows. I’m not trying to be in my feelings, so I protect them) Knowing your weakness is one of the best things you can know, so you can act accordingly, and guard yourself accordingly.

Me sharing that I don’t listen to secular music, or certain artist is NOT a judgment towards you.

Let me say that again. Just because a person speaks openly about what they don’t do is NOT a judgment towards those that do those things.

I’m just trying to live up to what God expects of ME, and if he brings something to my attention, or tells me to stop, or change something, I’m going to do it. It’s not always easy, as my struggle with music was not, but once you submit and realize you want to please God and not your flesh it makes it worth it in your eyes.

It’s imperative that you have your OWN convictions! (I’ve also posted a blog about that) What I don’t do some Christians can do, because it’s within the realm of their relationship, and vice versa. Like I don’t watch Mary Jane, some Christian’s do. If something doesn’t sit right with MY spirit, I’m not going to do it regardless of how many people are doing it! I was called to be set apart, not to blend in with the masses, even among “the church folk”.

 –People have more of a religion type mind set than they would like to admit. They can’t see it because they are in it and participating in it, but it’s there. Especially, if a Christian doesn’t do what everyone else is doing. Just because other Christians do it, doesn’t make it right. Don’t forget we have our OWN relationships with Christ, none is the same, and we are ALL in different parts of our relationship. Just as we as we take freedom of speech, so seriously and always have an opinion about things. Let’s allow people to have the freedom to operate in their own individualized relationship with Christ, without attacking your brethren for the things they do and you don’t do.

P.S If you don’t agree with something your sister or brother in Christ is doing, and you think it’s harmful to their relationship with Christ, pray for them. Arguing with them, fussing, cursing etc isn’t going to change or help anything. Prayer will!

If you love someone tell them

I love you

Destaynee

In the middle of the pain and the promise

For the past few weeks, I’ve been feeling like I’m at a crossroads. I know it’s time for something to happened, but I’m unsure as to what is to happened. My son has been settled at his new school for about a month now, and things with that are going great. Unfortunately I haven’t been able to get my regular schedule at work back, however, I still feel something needs to be done, and I’m just not sure what.

 I’ve been exhausting all my natural resources, looking for different jobs, sending my resume, everything.  James 2:26 says, “For as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead also.”  People love to throw that scripture around, but often times we are putting our faith and our works into the wrong thing.  We end up relying on our own strength, and our own “connections” and idea’s. When we need to only rely on God! At times it’s hard to remember that; when you have bills due, people calling your phone, or people in your face trying to put pressure on you, do to things that you might not be able to do at the moment. Admit it, sometimes we buckle under pressure, and just try to do, do, do. Often times, we just do on our own strength without praying, and seeking God’s face. (Thank God that his grace covers us, wherever we go, and even in those moments we do things without seeking him or praying to him about it.)

Yesterday at church I heard from God exactly what I needed to hear. Rev. Bush preached a sermon “How do you handle your red sea?” Using Exodus 14:10-14 gas the text. I could relate to the text perfectly. I might not be chased by a real life Pharaoh on a chariot, but I’m being chased by other forms of Pharaoh. At times I feel like the Children of Israel, in between the Red Sea and Pharaoh and his army. The message you receive from this is so profound (to me), because we find ourselves in situations like this even today. We find ourselves in situations where our back is up against the wall. We are unsure of what step to take next. We feel like God isn’t speaking to us. We contemplate going back to what God just took us from. We become intimidated, fearful and doubtful because of our uncertainties. 

These are things we feel or think about even as Christians. I can’t stress enough that being a Christian doesn’t mean problems stop coming your way. Abiding with Christ doesn’t mean you’re going to stop being tested, tempted or tired.  Christians go through things, just like everyone else, we aren’t exempt. The only difference is we are covered by the blood. We have an expected end. We have a Lord and savior that we can rely on and depend on, and go to in our times of trial. We have a God that gives us the peace that surpasses ALL our understandings. We have unspeakable joy even in the midst of our storms! Never said trials wouldn’t come!

Also we have to remember what we are here for. We are here not only here to go ye into all the nations and make disciples, but we are here to give God glory. Sometimes we go through certain situations in order for God to get the glory! Our trials are not always just for us (learning experiences, faith building), but for other people to see God’s power! Don’t be so quick to “get out” of your situation that you miss what God is doing, how he is working and whom he is reaching with your situation.( don't do things, because other people have a problem with where you are in your life. Allow God to lead and guide you on his time. Everything is done in season. If you leave a season to get into another one too early, problems could arise, just like if you stay longer than you should. Be led by the Holy Spirit.)

 -I had someone tell me this past weekend that I was going to continue to have “bad luck”, because I didn’t do what they wanted me to do. I rebuked that in the name of Jesus, firstly because we don’t have luck good or bad. We are blessed. Secondly, I know that everything I go through is not just for me. I know that my life is a testament as to what God can do. When you say “Use me Lord for your glory”, God is going to do just that! Don’t let how people view your situation deter you or cause you to doubt what you KNOW God is doing in/ with your life. When you know your life is NOT your own and that God allows certain things to happen, don’t receive anything that contradicts what you know God is doing.-

Exodus 14:13-14 “And Moses said unto the people, Fear ye not, stand still, and see the salvation of the Lord, which we will shew to you to day: for the Egyptians whom ye have seen to day, ye shall see them again no more for ever. The Lord shall fight for you, and ye shall hold your peace”

If you continue to read the rest of the chapter you will see God did just as Moses said he would. All the Children of Israel had to do was stand still. Same goes for us, we need to stand still and let God do what he said he was going to do, we need to get out of our own way and let God be God. We have to stop doing things on our own strength, stop contemplating, stop doubting, and stop being fearful. We have to just trust God. Regardless of the situation we are facing we need to always seek ye first the kingdom of God!

Stand still to see the glory

Stand still to see the plan

Stand still to see the promise

If we just allow God to move when he’s ready to move we will see his glory, we will see his power. Then we will be able to see his plan. Often times we get frustrated and stress because we don’t know God’s plan. If we just stood still long enough to let him work, we would see it. We already know he has plans for us to prosper, so why not be still and allow his plan to unfold on his time? Once we do these things, surely we will see the promise of The Lord! Just as the Children of Israel stood still and saw what Moses told them right before their eye, we can experience that too. “He’ll fight my battles, if I just keep still”. He really will!

Don’t be alarmed when evil pursues you, soon the “chariot wheels” will fall off, soon they will “drown” in the every things used to intimidate you. Just stand still and let God be God!

I pray this helped you, as it helped me. The word of God is truly amazing, and when we find ourselves in certain situations it’s imperative that we go to the bible, and study. The same God that delivered the children of Israel from Pharaoh can deliver you also. Will you trust him?

"This stress test, this stress stress I’m in the middle of the pain, and my promise, in the wilderness, where my best, don't mean nothing all I can do is trust you to deliver me, out of my own mess, in the middle of it all Kadesh"- Kadesh, by Mali Music

If you love someone tell them.

I love you

Destaynee