Today I felt brave

Today I felt brave….

I slept in late and gave my body some much needed rest. I took care of me, instead of putting my needs on the back burner. When I left my house, I didn’t know where I was headed. I just knew depression lives in your comfort zone, and I needed to get out of here.

Today I felt brave….

I parked my car and just began to walk. I found myself in an art gallery. I spoke with the artist and left with an understanding of what art really means to him, and what it really means to me. I stumbled across a few antique shops. Found a lot of nice things, even a few creepy things.

Today I felt brave….

I went to this park, but before I could get there I was stopped by a woman. Straight away she asked me for some change. I gave her a few dollars. She kept touching my arm as she spoke. She shared with me her current struggles and her previous plight with domestic violence. I don’t think she heard me when I said “I know what that’s like”. But I think she heard me when I said “God’s got it, you’ll be alright.” When she hugged me too long and a little too tight, my flesh was afraid. But God whispered “its okay, it’s alright.”

Today I felt brave....

I sat by the water, watched  butterflies play fight. I watched a crane stalk his prey in the shallow waters. I watched men wade in waist deep waters casting out their nets as they fished. The sun hugged me tight and it's rays kissed my shoulders.

Today I felt brave….

I didn’t allow my singleness, the fact that I would be out there alone, the depression that’s chasing me or my financial situation rob me from the beauty of this day.

Today I felt brave….

I wasn’t worried about “stranger danger”. I talked and laughed with people I’ve never seen, and may never see again.

Today I felt brave…

I didn’t allow the weight of the world weigh me down.

Today I felt brave….

I refused to just exist like I usually do, but today I lived.

Today I felt brave….

I remembered Joshua 1:9

“Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed. For the Lord thy God is with thee whitersoever thou goest.”

Today I felt brave….

 Because I am.

I wrote this mainly because this is what I did today, but also because for me it is so easy to get caught up in the day to day routine.  I get wrapped up in the hustle of bustle of working, and being a mom that  sometimes it’s just easy to just stay where I am mentally and emotionally. It takes courage and bravery to break down the barrier of being kept where you are and to just do what you want to do. What did you do today, that made you feel brave?

If you love someone tell them.

I love you

Destaynee

Don't be "that girl"

There’s this guy, and for the record he’s not my guy.

I met this guy a few months ago when I moved into this new city, I’m currently living in. My interactions with “this guy” range from twice to once a week. The conversations between “this guy” and myself started off quite brief. Somewhere over a course of a few months, between his “Hey, how you doing” and my “Have a great night” a connection was made.

He’s my age, he’s a PK (preacher’s kid) too, we share similar views regarding race, the black community etc. Did I mention brother man is fine yea, that too! I met someone that could turn into a really good friend or even something more. Everything seemed pretty cool, kinda perfect. Until one day, we exchanged numbers. “This guy” didn’t hit me up for a week, which was cool, I wasn’t pressed.  However when he did hit me up, his text said something like this:

 "Look, I think about you a lot, I really enjoy our conversations, I’m digging your style, and you’re beautiful. I would’ve been hit you up and told you but unfortunately I have a girl. I don’t want to put myself out there, but I kinda am”. 

He said a few other sweet things, but I was stuck at the “I have a girl part”.

-Now I know what you’re thinking, you’re thinking “Really Des, you just gonna put “this guy” on blast?” No! I never have intentions of putting anyone on blast, however I am a sharer of MY truths, this is what I do.- Plus this guy knows I have much respect for him and what he does. I appreciate him and the other guys he works with. I tell them this regularly, they know this.-

After he dropped this news, we kind of just left any communications to whenever we saw each other in person. We addressed boundaries straight away. He knew he could and would fall for me and I knew I could also, if we kept things up. I think we’ve done a great job, of respecting each other and being cordial. Plus, I refused to be “that girl”.

Who is “that girl” you ask? “That girl” is the girl that lets her guard down too soon. “That girl” lets her emotions get involved before her brain can thoroughly access the situation. “That girl” usually gets hurt often because she just wants someone to love, and she wants to be loved. “That girl” usually finds herself being someone’s side chick or on the “Lifetime Girlfriend program”. “That girl” is not at fault by herself, especially if she has met “this guy”. “This guy” is very intriguing and he engages you with his charm and intellect. Although “this guy” is in a relationship, he’s not going to violate his relationship in a way his girlfriend would find out, but he’s going to let you know he’s interested.  “This guy” will give you just enough to think there’s something more, but give you nothing all at once.

From the outside looking in you could easily say “that girl” is stupid and “this guy” is misleading. If you ever find yourself being “that girl or “this guy” you’d be too wrapped up in your emotions and what you think you feel to actually see the danger. You’d be too caught up on the rare connection and the freshness that you wouldn’t know any better.

I’ve heard too many stories from “that girl” that just put “this guy” at fault, but ladies it’s just not his fault. We have to guard our hearts, no matter how fine “this guy” is, no matter how bright and white his smile is. We can’t just marry guys off in our heads. (Ladies be real, you see a fine man, or talk to a man that you find intriguing and you’ve planned your life with him before you even know his last name.)

 We can’t allow our emotions to get involved before we even know what it really is. We have to know our worth and exercise our knowledge! A Queen sits on her own throne, not on the sideline in someone else’s kingdom!

You have to believe you are worth it, part of believing that means protecting yourself from certain situations, even when you’re craving attention.( good morning texts are overrated especially when you’re settling just to get that text) Knowing that you deserve better and treating yourself as such. Don’t ever catch yourself being “that girl”.

This guy, isn’t the only “this guy” that I know. I take situations like these as tests. God is just making sure I’m “buying what I’m selling”. He’s making sure I have faith in him and trust him to bring MY guy to me. Anyone can say they know their worth, but what you gon do when “this guy” comes for you?

If you love someone tell them

I love you

Signed,

 a Queen sitting on her OWN throne in her kingdom.