Healthy Relationships

It’s often said that a friendship is the foundation of a healthy relationship, I beg to differ. God is the foundation for a healthy relationship. This foundation isn’t limited to intimate or romantic relationships, this applies to friendships, work relationships family relationships and neighborly relationships. Your personal relationship with Christ sets the foundation for all these areas in your life

(My Son and I after Church)

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In order to have a strong personal relationship with Christ you must seek him. You must constantly seek after The Lord. Being a child of God and wanting to live for him, we want more than to just be saved. We want God to be our savior and our Lord. We want to seek his face diligently, we want more of him. To me seeking God’s face is to be conscious of him, the bible says in all things acknowledge the Lord. Jesus came and broke the veil, so we will always have access to God, but access doesn’t mean relationship. This is the part where the luke warmness comes in. People are happy to be saved, but don’t want to have God as Lord. They don’t want a relationship with him. This is for those who want to have a relationship with Christ!

A relationship requires communication. You can’t be in a relationship with someone you don’t talk to. A healthy relationship with Christ requires communication and fellowship. We communicate to God with prayer, in our praise, our worship, our studying and reading of the bible. We have to be in constant fellowship with Christ. Saying grace can’t be all the communication you have. I think people don’t realize how simple yet powerful prayer is. Praying doesn’t have to include huge words, or some whole production. Prayer is have a conversation. (Notice I said communication and not just talking to God) A conversation is a two way street. You talk then you listen for a response. The problem is people just talk and do whatever they want rather than being still and listening to God. If you be still, you will hear God speak back. (Not necessarily audibly, but he will speak to you in some way) You can tell God any and everything, NOTHING is too small to take to God, and nothing is too complex for God. Whatever concerns you, God cares about, and we are to give him our cares (1Peter 5:7) He wants us to trust him enough to take to him our problems and our happy moments. It’s a relationship! He wants to be a part of our lives. God is such a gentleman he will not force himself upon you, that is why you have to seek him, you have to want him to be your Lord, you have to want to be obedient and then obey!

Everyone knows you can’t have a healthy relationship with someone you don’t trust. In order to have a healthy relationship with God you have to trust him. You have to have a fixed firm faith in him. You have to know that he is going to keep his word; he is going to do exactly what he said he will do. He is a God that cannot change. You have to believe God! Often times in our Christian walk, something happens and we are faced with trusting God, or letting this issue become so huge we lose our trust in him. If you’re honest with yourself, you can recall a moment in your life where you lost faith in God. Remember how chaotic that time was? Nothing was right, you felt helpless, you felt hopeless, and you didn’t know what to do, because you have no faith. When a person loses faith in a person the whole dynamic of the relationship is off. We cannot let life, our circumstances or the devil throw our faith in God off track! We have to know that we know that we know what we know about Christ. It has to be unshakable!

In order to have a healthy relationship with Christ you have to have all 3 of these areas. You can’t excel in one area and be lacking in the other, this is a 3 in 1 (literally) combination. If your relationship with Christ isn’t healthy, your relationship with people won’t be healthy. When my relationship with God is healthy, I can love the people that hurt me, I can love the people that wrong me, I can do for those that took from me. When I’m submitted and committed to The Holy Spirit, I know it’s not about me, it’s about him, and so I’m obedient to his word and to his way, including loving others. (This includes, family, friends, coworkers, strangers on the street)

On an intimate relationship level, like husband/wife or in a courtship when the bible talks about being unequally yoked (2 Corinthians 6:14) I believe having a healthy personal relationship with Christ is included in that. Judges 13 shows an example of how a couple both needed to have a healthy personal relationship with Christ. To paraphrase the chapter, Manoah and his wife (Samson’s parents) were barren (meaning they couldn’t have children), but an angel went to the women and told her that she would have a child. Now if she didn’t have a personal relationship with God she may have questioned it, and had her husband not had a personal relationship with Christ he took would have questioned it. Another example; Joseph and Mary, Mary was a virgin, and although she was married to Joseph, she was a pregnant virgin. Joseph could’ve had her stoned, or divorced her, but due to his personal relationship with God, God was able to speak to him through his dream. In both of these stories an angel went to the woman, and the man either believed her or God spoke to the man himself. For God to speak to them, that would require a relationship. There are going to be time in a relationship were God may go to one person first, and the other person is going to have to trust God for themselves seek him for themselves talk to God for themselves. Both people involved need to know God for themselves, being equally yoked require both parties having a healthy relationship with Christ.

Ladies, men; this is why we can’t get into relationships with people that are “trying to get to know God”. Jesus broke the veil we have access there is not “trying”. Either you have a relationship with God or you don’t. We can’t be involved with people that just want Jesus because he saved them, but don’t want him to be Lord of our life. When it comes to these yokes, you’re either all in, or not in at all, no half stepping!!

So before we get into a relationship with one of God’s children, let’s make sure our personal relationship with Christ is healthy, and make sure their relationship with Christ is a healthy one as well.

If you love someone tell them

I love you

Destaynee

Applying what you know

Have you ever had to “show your work” in school, on a test or on your homework? Many times especially in math, I’ve had to “show my work” or apply what I knew to a test. It wasn’t always easy because I felt so much pressure on trying to do it right, or get the right answer. I was focused more on what grade I would get rather than what I’ve learned to get me to pass the test.

You may not be in school now, but you are still taking tests. In some way or the other you are being tested or will be tested. Often times as a Christian, our faith is tested, our integrity is tested and our knowledge about Christ is tested. The question is will we apply what we know to these tests? Or will we let the pressure of the test cause us to forget?

In school the only way to know is to pay attention to the teacher, take notes and study. On our Christian journey, our relationship with Christ we have to know who he is. You can’t have faith in a person you don’t know about. We have to set aside time with Christ (no matter how “young” or “old”). We have to seek his face, we should never be content with our relationship with God, and we should always want more, and more of him. We have to know the characteristics of God.

We know that God is Omniscient (all knowing Psalms 147:5), omnipotent (God has no limitations Job 42:2) omnipresent (God see’s everything Jeremiah 23:24) Immutable (God can’t change Malachi 3:6) Holy (Psalms 99:9) Righteous (1 John 1:9) Sovereign, Love, Trinity (God in 3 persons. The Father, The son and The Holy Ghost) and Merciful.

We should also know the fruits of the spirit(Galatians 5:22-23) But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.

We have to study God’s word and remember what he has ALREADY done for you. We have to remember that God is the same God that he was back during these stories in the bible, and the same he was yesterday. Nothing we face should make us forget who God is. Nobody knows who God has been to you, but you and you have to hold on to that and never lose sight of it!

When I’m “being tested” or in facing a situation, if I don’t shut the negative thoughts down right away, they will continue to sneak in and try to make me forget what I know about God. That is what the devil wants; he wants us to focus on what’s going on now and not what we already know. - -Whatever you water, will grow- -. So we can’t “water” the negative thoughts or feelings because they will grow so big we won’t be able to see what we know to be there. We have to guard our hearts, especially when we are facing tough situations. Our thoughts should have to go through a “bouncer” or a “security check”. Anything negative or ratchet should not see the door to your mind. You have to shut it down!

Maybe it’s not even the pressure of the test, maybe it’s the distraction that’s occurring during the test. You know the kid (every class had one) that would use his pencil to tap on the desk, or always clearing their throat. Even if it’s for a moment, you a distracted while your “taking the test”. You can’t let the distractions of life get you off track or shake you while fulfilling your assignment. We have to remember we have to remember that if God has given us an assignment, nothing anyone can do to us will stop what God ordained. Nothing that can happen in the world will stop God’s work. God’s work will be done regardless and we have to be encouraged in knowing that he will see us through, the WHOLE way!

The word of God should be like comfort to us. When you’re getting “distracted” or feeling the pressure of life you have to turn to God and his word. Yes God has placed certain people in our lives to encourage us and speak positivity to us, but God should be the first one we seek for peace. Jesus has sent us another comforter in The Holy Spirit, so we will have to comfort we need!

Be encouraged! It happens to us all, we lose sight of things. We can’t let life get us off track. God is our first priority, if we keep him first and work on our relationship with him daily we will be fine!!

If you love someone tell them

I love you

Destaynee

Courting:So you thought they were God's best for you....

Welp by the title of this post, you might know where I’m going with this. As you all know I’m a firm believer of transparency, although it’s not ALWAYS easy to be transparent and tell what’s going on. I believe for ME its best. I have no problem sharing the things I’ve been through because I know it may help someone in some way. Also I’m not too proud to share my failures, in hopes that it may shed light to someone in some way.

Having said that my courtship ended this week, (insert dramatic gasp). Yes although he said we should try it again in 6 months -__- it’s over.

I know you’re like, “well courting has the intent of marriage how could it be over”. Well things happened. People change, situations change and people aren’t able to handle certain things. We ALL know hindsight is 20/20. Hindsight is the perfect vision ever lol but don’t let that stop you from being visual ant in the beginning. I will say when God said he will give us the desires of our heart I STRONGLY believe that. He will give us the very things we desire, there will be no compromising, no settling nothing like that. Yes we as people have character flaws or unique things about us, but I also believe God when he said he made a helpmate FIT for Adam. To me that means whatever situation you may have faced in the past the person God created for you will be equip to handle it or be accepting of it and willing to be there for you. In my case he wasn’t able to accept what happened to me nor was he willing to be there for me. God’s best will accept you and your past for what it is. God’s best will love you like Jesus loves the church flaws and all, past experiences and all. - Do not settle in this area this is a big one!!- -

Granted that wasn’t the first red flag. There were many red flags, but my judgment was clouded but all the good qualities he had. Don’t let the good things about a person make you forget the bad things, because when it comes down to it, the bad things will come up over and over and outshine the good things by far!! Hindsight, I saw many things, but I over looked them because this was my first godly relationship, my first time being treated the way I should be, and the first time the guy was actually in the church and living for God. That’s all well and good, but that doesn’t outweigh the bad, when the bad things were SO important and necessary. (I’m not going to give examples of bad, because I am NOT here to bad mouth anyone, I’m here to help and share MY experience)

Understand this, God will give you everything you desire in a future spouse or mate. Before entering into a courtship of course be sure that Christ is the reason for entering the courtship, not because you’re entering into ministry and you don’t want to be single and tempted. If you’re entering a courtship because you’re tired of being lonely, you can’t wait to be married etc you need to have the first seat in the first row! If you’re entering into a relationship wanting to change the person, their physical appearance, how they dress, how they act, things about them that make them who they are you need to reevaluate this WHOLE thing called courtship. We should be free to be who we are in a courtship without fear of not being enough, or being changed.

I can’t stress the fact that you need to be aware of the red flags!! Maya Angelou said it best “When a person shows you how they are believe them”. And the bible says we are to know the tree by the fruit. If that person is CONSTANTLY showing you things that aren’t adding up with what they are saying, or who you believe them to be and it’s not something you can deal with, you need to leave.

Looking back I realized I should’ve left the courtship sooner than it ended. I saw red flags stemming back to the first date.

Ladies/Gents you should NEVER have to beg your girl/boyfriend to make you a priority, be there for you, treat you respectfully, treat your family respectfully etc. I’ve seen many lists of things that men should watch out for before courting someone ladies we have a lists too (I’m not going to list things because they could be subjective)

Just know that if you’re agreeing to be in a courtship with someone they may come with extras. Our past has made us who we are. Although a person maybe over a past relationship, they might have been conditioned to behave a certain way, because of the things they dealt with. You have to know for yourself and access the situation on whether or not it’s something you are able to deal with.

Also beware of the “God says”… if God is telling one person something, he will tell the other as well. Be HONEST with yourself and that person on what you believe The Holy Spirit is telling you. Don’t think you have to stay in a courtship because it’s your only shot. NO! Know yourself worth and know that you are deserving of God’s best. Staying in a courtship solely because YOU want it to work is NOT God’s will. You should stay in a courtship knowing that it is God’s will.

Like I said, I wanted to share with you all MY experience and what I learned. No I’m not embarrassed because my courtship ended; I would be more embarrassed if I stayed in something God was trying to end. I believe my "Adam" or my "Boaz" if you will, is still out there being prepared as well as I. This was a blessing and a lesson. Remember I said sometimes people are in our lives for a season, and once that season is up, that's when the chaos begins? That theory is tried and true! Just take your time people, stay in CONSTANT PRAYER when entering into a courtship and pat attention to ANY and ALL red flags, understand God’s best is NOT going to have you settling. He will exceed your greatest expectations.

#NoRandoms

#WaitingOnGod

#SavedSingleAndNotHavingSex

If you love someone tell them

I love you

Destaynee