Reaching the homeless

Have you ever done something with the intentions of being obedient to God, just to be rejected by man? That’s exactly how I felt earlier today.

Ever since I moved to this city I’ve been asking God how can I reach the “unchurched” communities. In what way can I fulfill my purpose in this city? Straight away God placed the homeless on my heart. For the past few weeks I’ve been wondering how, when and where can I reach these people?

There is a park I used to go to back in my Cookman days, in-between classes. There would always be a bunch of homeless people underneath the pavilions, laying in the grass or sitting under the trees. Now for the past few weeks I’ve been going to this park on my day off. I go there to relax, feel the breeze, clear my mind.

Today was my day off, the day I go grocery shopping. I picked up a pack of water bottles and decided I was going to be obedient to the tugging on my heart, and go to that park. Now, I didn’t have a specific plan. My “plan” was it’s hot, perfect opportunity to go help these people. Who doesn’t need water?

I get to the park, carrying the pack of water saying “Hey, how are you all?” Most of them responded, some groaned under their breath and others were unbothered. I said “are you guys thirsty? I have some water here.” Some happily sad yes please, others again were unbothered, and groaned. So I proceeded to walk around the area greeting everyone with a “Hi, how are you” and a smile, handing them water bottles. Some asked if I had beer, I laughed and said “no, plus with this heat, water might be best”. A few asked if I had food, and I apologized and said “I’m so sorry, no I don’t.” (I was going to buy granola bars, but then I thought that someone might be allergic to the almonds or peanuts. I’m dramatic so I was thinking someone might have an allergic reaction and die, and then I’d be the girl that killed a homeless person with a granola bar. I couldn’t live with that.)

As I was reaching the last person, I greeted him the same way “Hi, how are you, would you like some water?

The last man: *reaching in his pocket says* “Well, how much is this going to cost me?”

Me: Oh nothing sir, this is for you, no cost at all.

The last man: “okay”

As I was walking away and saying you’re welcome to those that were thanking me.

The last man: “Who are you representing? What organization? What church?

Me: “Oh, I’m not here under an organization, and my church is very far from here. I’m just here representing Christ.

The last man: “but why would you come out here?”

Me: “Well I come out here sometimes, and I see people sitting here, so I figured maybe you guys were thirsty and needed water.”

The last man: “Well there’s a church on every corner and a gun in every pocket, why is that?”

Me: “Well yes there are a lot of churches in this area, and it’s unfortunate when guns get in the wrong hands bad things happen.”

The last man: “Yea and someone in the bible it says even if you say Lord Lord God will say depart from me I never knew you. Why is that?”

Another man:*interrupts* “Leave her alone, she’s trying to do something nice!”

Me: "It’s okay, God says that because he wants us to know him personally, to have relationship with him. That is why Jesus died, so we can have relationship with God and not just have religious traditions."

The last man: “yea yea that God..”

Another man:*cutting the last man off, walks over* “He’s an idiot, don’t waste your time. You’re a beautiful black woman, you’re doing something nice. He’s just stupid. Leave her alone you idiot.”

Me: “okay, well there’s more water for you all and whomever else okay? God bless you all.”

As I got into my car, I just began to cry. I don’t know if my feelings were hurt, or if I felt bad because he doesn’t believe in God. Maybe he’s been hurt and blames God? Maybe I didn’t say the right things? What if that was the only opportunity he will have to be ministered to?

I was not ready for the emotions I felt, but I allowed myself to cry out and ask God those questions. Then I asked what did I do wrong? He reassured me that what I did was right, in regards to wanting to reach the people and actually putting it in action and not just saying it. God reminded me that everyone isn’t going to accept him or his truths, or nice gestures. Everyone isn’t going to believe, I know that, we all know that, but that harsh reality hit me in that moment.

Leaving this park, I was so discouraged, but I’m not going to let this stop me from wanting to help the people. Just like all things, I’m going to learn from this experience and keep going.

-          I was skeptical in sharing this experience because I don’t want to be seen as “bragging” or “high and mighty”. I also know people may have negative thoughts, or say things like “why won’t she find an organization and work with them, or her church?” Valid points, but when the spirit is tugging on your heart, you have to respond.

I also wanted to share my experience mainly because I need yall to pray for me lol, seriously. I really want to serve God’s people in these communities without the “extra”. I’m just wanting to reach these regular folk in a lowkey way. Also, I know I’m not the only one that has the desire to help reach people outside the church. I want to share this experience and hopefully hear yours.

I’m just “tryina take hope where there aint none.”

If you love someone tell them

I love you

Destaynee

Intentional Storm

Today I woke up with a grieving heart.

 My heart was hurting, my feelings were hurting.

My feelings were hurt because of a hope I locked away was opened by a key of lies.

In the moment of the opening I was unaware of the lies.

My heart was just happy to hope again.

Now I’m dealing with the hope that has turned into shame and sadness.

 I was ashamed that I allowed my heart to feel hope, a false hope.

I was experiencing sadness because the letdown was too great, and too unexpected.

Now, I’m in a place of having to forgive myself, for someone else’s lies.

The lies they aren’t sorry they told, but I’m sorry I believed.

The ultimate struggle and risk with love; is not knowing.

Not knowing if this is honest and true.

You know how you feel, but you never know if they’re being true with you.

The thing about it, no matter how many times it fails, I will always love and hope.

Hope for love, and hope to be loved.

I read once that when your desire becomes stronger, God is preparing you for the things you desire.

Part of me doesn’t want to believe that, but most of me does.

I believe what God says in his word to be true.

I believe that God see’s my tears, my effort.

I believe God see’s my willingness to not be weary, and to not faint.

I believe God hears my cries, and when I’m too weak to cry out, I believe the Holy Spirit is making an intercession on my behalf.

All things are working for my good!

Right now, I’m not in the eye of the storm, but I’m experiencing a constant rain.

Thunder crackles periodically, and the flashes of lightening are in the distance.

For a moment I thought I was walking back towards my storm.

When you’re in a storm for a long period of time, the sound of the rain; no matter how hard becomes soothing.

The thunder, regardless of how loud becomes comforting, and the lightening, no matter how vicious becomes a beautiful light show.

The storm, which was once unfamiliar and scary, is now something you’ve accepted, something you are used to.

I was sitting on my bedroom floor, listening to “Intentional” by Travis Greene, while reading over my unorganized thoughts. These thoughts, I wrote down over a course of a few months, a few weeks, but had no intentions of sharing because of the pain they once represented. The memories they brought back and the vagueness I’m not obligated to clarify. I haven’t shared because of these reasons. As I’m sitting here, talking to God. He reminds me of my purpose, my desire to reach people with my transparency. Everything I experience good, bad or indifferent is intentional and might pose an opportunity to reach someone in some way.

Life has been crazy, with moving, always working, commuting an hour plus to work, raising my little prince, trying to find my balance, the craziness in the world etc, my desires in this regard got pushed to the back burner. It's easy to lose sight of things, and become overwhelmed when you are in the midst of an intentional storm. But today I’m encouraged to share!

God is intentional, and we really don’t have to worry. We just have to trust. Trust the process, trust our God given abilities, and trust that we have an expected end. It’s working for my good.

If you love someone tell them

I love you

Sincerely,

The storm survivor

If I Die in Police Custody

When I saw this hashtag floating on my twitter timeline, I was horrified. I learned of this hashtag shortly after I learned about what happened to Sandra Bland.

Sandra Bland was in police custody when she died, when she was murdered excuse me. She was pulled over for a traffic stop. Her head was slammed into the ground (via the video recording, and her saying it on the recording), she was arrested and taken into police custody. This was on a Friday, before Monday she was “found in her jail cell dead”. Her only mug shot is a picture of her in an orange prison suit and she was clearly laying on her back. Some are saying she is dead or dying in the picture, some are saying let’s wait for the facts. Fact is, no one that is stopped for a traffic violation should be dead in the custody of the police!!!

The media is trying to do everything in their power to convince us that she killed herself by using a trash bag, to hang herself. The media is also trying to bring up mental illness to further convince us that this incident HAD to be suicide and in no way shape or form could’ve been murder by police.

v  First things first, I’ve never been to jail but I’ve seen the movies. Inmates and those in custody don’t have trash cans, trash bags or any other loose object that could be used to hurt themselves or others.

v  Secondly depression and anxiety does not equate being suicidal. Documentation (via the twitter FBI aka Black twitter) shows that Sandra Bland checked the No option as it pertains to wanting to kill herself in the past year and also that day. She also said No to ever wanting to commit suicide.  (Now, the police have doctored that documentation, and tried to make it look like she tried to commit suicide in the past.)

The misconception/narrative that people battling depression and anxiety are suicidal is extremely problematic. Not only does it shame people dealing with these issues, and can turn them away from getting help due to these false judgments. It also leaves room for speculation, when there needs to be an investigation.

We’ve seen plenty of incidents in the past where encounters with the police leave the person dead and is ultimately blamed for their death. Not only are they blamed for their death, but something was planted on them or their past is brought up to justify why they were killed. A lot of people are saying Sandra shouldn’t have been so “arrogant” when she was talking to police. People are saying she should’ve never been smoking a cigarette. None of those things justify why she was treated the way she was treated while being arrested and everything that happened afterwards. Next you guys are going to say “well she shouldn’t have been an activist for the Black Lives Matter”… “She basically should’ve never been black”. See how crazy that sounds?

Reading the threads on this hashtag brought me to tears and couldn’t read much of them. Instead of writing wills to leave our loved ones things, we are writing letters, and creating hashtags explaining why we would never do anything purposely to leave us dead in police custody.  Here’s mine:

#IfIDieInPoliceCustody please understand that my son is my world. I would never purposely do anything that would cause him to go through life without me by his side, cheering him on, protecting him, teaching him, nourishing him, loving him and watching him grow to be the man God created him to be, the King that is within him.

#IfIDieInPoliceCustody my past depression, is not relevant to my current state of mind. Not only does Jesus Saves, and he heals.

#IfIDieInPoliceCustody know that I’ve NEVER done drugs, NEVER will do drugs. If they “find” drugs on my person or in my system, they were planted and never belonged to me.

#IfIDieInPoliceCustody say my name! Finish that fight that I was unable to finish. Be strong, and don’t forget about me or my story.

#IfIDieInPoliceCustody I didn’t just die, I was murdered.

Rest in Power Sandra Bland, and he countless others whose lives were taken in police custody. Those whose lives were taken and their story will never be told.

To those of us still living, we owe it to ourselves, to our ancestors and to our fallen brothers and sisters to stay educated on the issues regarding us. I’m tired of crying just like you. Unable to properly mourn these deaths because we’re on the edge of our seat, watching our backs to see who or what is next. We can’t get exhausted. Their fight is over; but we have to keep on keeping on.

If you love someone tell them

I love you

Destaynee

I get lonely too

Yesterday I started reading a book that one of my little sisters in Christ got me a few years ago. I’ve read it before, but again that was a few years ago. The book is called “When a woman lets go of the lies” –Discovering the truth about who you are in God’s eyes- by Cheryl Brodersen.

I picked up this book, really with the intentions to occupy my mind. Social media has been way too much for me these past few weeks. I’ve even made statuses about how people are using social media to show off and brag about what they’re doing or what they have. Too much of that just isn’t good. It can cause you to question and even doubt your accomplishments, achievements and your goals. You really have to guard yourself when it comes to that aspect of social media, but that’s another post, for another time.

Anyway, so this book really deals with the lies we are told and begin to believe. It starts back to by the garden when Eve was deceived by the serpent. Eve bought into the lie she was told about the fruit on the tree she was not supposed to eat from. How many years later and we are still doing the same thing? (Believing lies) I’m speaking from being involved with the Christian community. Anytime I would mention the feeling of loneliness my Christian peers would assume or imply I’m not content with Christ. They would question my faith and the strength of MY relationship with Christ, most of the time this judgement would come from women that are married or in serious relationships. For a while I bought into that lie. Saying “Oh my goodness, am I discontent with my savior?”, “Do I really have an issue with my faith?” or “ Is my desire for love unhealthy or ungodly?”. Reading these questions I’d ask myself now, just make me shake my head. There is nothing wrong, unhealthy, or ungodly about having a desire to love and to be loved. Just because you feel lonely doesn’t mean you’re coveting or idolizing the ideal of relationships! –There is a difference-.

God understands that we would have desires. That’s why it says in his word that if we delight ourselves in him he will give us the desires of our hearts. This of course is subject to God’s timing.

Before I understood that there was nothing wrong with me wanting love, I would isolate myself from everyone. Honestly sometimes I still do, but when I do it’s now it’s not out of shame like before. It’s so I can let God help me sort through my feelings (The truths and the lies about how I’m feeling.) because before I would even try to convince myself “maybe I’m meant to be single forever”. That was a lie I believed for a moment. God and I had this conversation. He’s reminded me of the desire HE placed in me, and how he will give me the desires of my heart. I just have to trust and be patient.

I had a conversation with my friend, who is really like a sister to me, a few months ago. She’s married, but I asked her how she dealt with feeling alone/loneliness while she was single. She said she allowed herself to feel whatever it is she was feeling, and talked to God about it. She said she cried.. a lot.

One thing I’ve learned over the years and even to this day. When dealing with emotions the best way to heal, is to feel. If you’re sad it’s okay to feel sad. If you’re happy it’s okay to be happy and so on and so forth. A lot of these Christians with huge followings say they would just do things to stay busy. While it’s important to occupy, and not stay idle, you should never ignore or mask your feelings.

That whole “fake it til you make it” concept is a part of the deception that keeps people from Christianity. Too many Christians only want to share the parts after they were delivered, after they got through. Nobody wants to share about the nights they cried themselves to sleep the different emotions and feelings we all feel or have felt at some point regarding something.

All in all I want people to know, “I’m just like you. I get lonely too”.

There’s nothing wrong with feeling lonely, even if you a Christian. Your belief in God sending his only begotten son Jesus Christ to die for your sins and rise up in 3 days, does not make you exempt from human emotions. Everyone wants to feel love, everyone wants companionship. There is nothing wrong with that!

•       Get a journal and write your feelings out.
•          Stay in constant prayer. Ask for peace when you get overwhelmed with any emotions .
• Have faith. Never stop believing God for the impossible.

• 
  

If you love someone tell them.

I love you

Destaynee

Grace and mercy

Grace, mercy, its new each day.

Well that’s what they say but how is that the case when I’m waking up in pain.

 Waking up to a world filled with hatred each and every day.

Each and every day a new hashtag for another black man that was killed.

 No time to mourn, too busy trying to keep mine safe, too busy trying to educate.

Keep your hands where they can see them at ALL times.

Grace, mercy it’s new each day.

That’s what they say, but how does that apply to me when I’m slaving at this job and I can’t even make my ends meet.

 In this place of stress and anxiety wondering if I’m gonna have enough food for me and my son to eat.

Grace, mercy it’s new each day, but what about those days I prayed for the rain, so nobody could see my tears.

The darkest nights so I could hide from my fears.

But you know I couldn’t stay here, I couldn’t stay in the place.

God promised me the abundant life, and this was not it.

 You see I thought I needed something new.

 I was asleep with my eyes wide open, when all I really needed was you.

 I needed to refocus, wake up and really see you.

 I needed to stop watering other people’s grass and wondered why mine wasn’t growing or even green.

I was carrying all these burdens looking for a miracle and trying to fix it on my own.

The miracle was there all along.

 Cast your cares on the Lord, for he careth for you!

God’s grace and mercy was there all along, it’s what got me through.

It wasn’t until he brought me out, that I was able to understand why I even went through.

It was to see his Grace and his mercy, which is new each and every day.

And that’s what I say.

I wrote this poem back in late March, early April. I had to “perform” a piece at an event and I just let my pen flow. God really deals with me through my writing, that’s why I write. I don’t always share my poems because “I’m and artist and I’m sensitive about my stuff”.

I’m sharing this one because I feel it is very relevant. We’re all watching black people murdered and beaten in the street, almost daily. While dealing with our own situations, and trying to help others and maintain and operate in our daily life.  I’ve had people ask me “where is God during all this? ““Is the devil this prevalent on earth?”

The devil walks the earth like a lion seeking whom he may devour. He’s out there doing what he does. We have to remember that God is also here doing what he does. Scripture tells us to look to the hills from which cometh our help. We are told to seek the kingdom of God. We are told to constantly seek his (God’s) face. God knew that social media would become what it is, and possibly become a major distraction to many of us. Social media has many pros and cons, but having access to it at all times can cause us to lose our focus and cause us to question “where is God”. God knew exactly what each of us would go through that’s why we are told repeatedly to trust in the Lord our God. It’s not always easy to trust God, especially when you’re operating with your limited knowledge and sight. God literally does the impossible and until you believe that, it will be hard to trust him.

I can’t go out to every city and protest and march, I can’t help every young mother or young girl or boy. What I can do is use my experiences and my words to try to encourage and share and hopefully inspire. Take responsibility of your influence, no matter how big or small, you can make a difference, and if nothing else God hears your prayers.

If you love someone tell them,

I love you

Destaynee

Today I felt brave

Today I felt brave….

I slept in late and gave my body some much needed rest. I took care of me, instead of putting my needs on the back burner. When I left my house, I didn’t know where I was headed. I just knew depression lives in your comfort zone, and I needed to get out of here.

Today I felt brave….

I parked my car and just began to walk. I found myself in an art gallery. I spoke with the artist and left with an understanding of what art really means to him, and what it really means to me. I stumbled across a few antique shops. Found a lot of nice things, even a few creepy things.

Today I felt brave….

I went to this park, but before I could get there I was stopped by a woman. Straight away she asked me for some change. I gave her a few dollars. She kept touching my arm as she spoke. She shared with me her current struggles and her previous plight with domestic violence. I don’t think she heard me when I said “I know what that’s like”. But I think she heard me when I said “God’s got it, you’ll be alright.” When she hugged me too long and a little too tight, my flesh was afraid. But God whispered “its okay, it’s alright.”

Today I felt brave....

I sat by the water, watched  butterflies play fight. I watched a crane stalk his prey in the shallow waters. I watched men wade in waist deep waters casting out their nets as they fished. The sun hugged me tight and it's rays kissed my shoulders.

Today I felt brave….

I didn’t allow my singleness, the fact that I would be out there alone, the depression that’s chasing me or my financial situation rob me from the beauty of this day.

Today I felt brave….

I wasn’t worried about “stranger danger”. I talked and laughed with people I’ve never seen, and may never see again.

Today I felt brave…

I didn’t allow the weight of the world weigh me down.

Today I felt brave….

I refused to just exist like I usually do, but today I lived.

Today I felt brave….

I remembered Joshua 1:9

“Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed. For the Lord thy God is with thee whitersoever thou goest.”

Today I felt brave….

 Because I am.

I wrote this mainly because this is what I did today, but also because for me it is so easy to get caught up in the day to day routine.  I get wrapped up in the hustle of bustle of working, and being a mom that  sometimes it’s just easy to just stay where I am mentally and emotionally. It takes courage and bravery to break down the barrier of being kept where you are and to just do what you want to do. What did you do today, that made you feel brave?

If you love someone tell them.

I love you

Destaynee

Don't be "that girl"

There’s this guy, and for the record he’s not my guy.

I met this guy a few months ago when I moved into this new city, I’m currently living in. My interactions with “this guy” range from twice to once a week. The conversations between “this guy” and myself started off quite brief. Somewhere over a course of a few months, between his “Hey, how you doing” and my “Have a great night” a connection was made.

He’s my age, he’s a PK (preacher’s kid) too, we share similar views regarding race, the black community etc. Did I mention brother man is fine yea, that too! I met someone that could turn into a really good friend or even something more. Everything seemed pretty cool, kinda perfect. Until one day, we exchanged numbers. “This guy” didn’t hit me up for a week, which was cool, I wasn’t pressed.  However when he did hit me up, his text said something like this:

 "Look, I think about you a lot, I really enjoy our conversations, I’m digging your style, and you’re beautiful. I would’ve been hit you up and told you but unfortunately I have a girl. I don’t want to put myself out there, but I kinda am”. 

He said a few other sweet things, but I was stuck at the “I have a girl part”.

-Now I know what you’re thinking, you’re thinking “Really Des, you just gonna put “this guy” on blast?” No! I never have intentions of putting anyone on blast, however I am a sharer of MY truths, this is what I do.- Plus this guy knows I have much respect for him and what he does. I appreciate him and the other guys he works with. I tell them this regularly, they know this.-

After he dropped this news, we kind of just left any communications to whenever we saw each other in person. We addressed boundaries straight away. He knew he could and would fall for me and I knew I could also, if we kept things up. I think we’ve done a great job, of respecting each other and being cordial. Plus, I refused to be “that girl”.

Who is “that girl” you ask? “That girl” is the girl that lets her guard down too soon. “That girl” lets her emotions get involved before her brain can thoroughly access the situation. “That girl” usually gets hurt often because she just wants someone to love, and she wants to be loved. “That girl” usually finds herself being someone’s side chick or on the “Lifetime Girlfriend program”. “That girl” is not at fault by herself, especially if she has met “this guy”. “This guy” is very intriguing and he engages you with his charm and intellect. Although “this guy” is in a relationship, he’s not going to violate his relationship in a way his girlfriend would find out, but he’s going to let you know he’s interested.  “This guy” will give you just enough to think there’s something more, but give you nothing all at once.

From the outside looking in you could easily say “that girl” is stupid and “this guy” is misleading. If you ever find yourself being “that girl or “this guy” you’d be too wrapped up in your emotions and what you think you feel to actually see the danger. You’d be too caught up on the rare connection and the freshness that you wouldn’t know any better.

I’ve heard too many stories from “that girl” that just put “this guy” at fault, but ladies it’s just not his fault. We have to guard our hearts, no matter how fine “this guy” is, no matter how bright and white his smile is. We can’t just marry guys off in our heads. (Ladies be real, you see a fine man, or talk to a man that you find intriguing and you’ve planned your life with him before you even know his last name.)

 We can’t allow our emotions to get involved before we even know what it really is. We have to know our worth and exercise our knowledge! A Queen sits on her own throne, not on the sideline in someone else’s kingdom!

You have to believe you are worth it, part of believing that means protecting yourself from certain situations, even when you’re craving attention.( good morning texts are overrated especially when you’re settling just to get that text) Knowing that you deserve better and treating yourself as such. Don’t ever catch yourself being “that girl”.

This guy, isn’t the only “this guy” that I know. I take situations like these as tests. God is just making sure I’m “buying what I’m selling”. He’s making sure I have faith in him and trust him to bring MY guy to me. Anyone can say they know their worth, but what you gon do when “this guy” comes for you?

If you love someone tell them

I love you

Signed,

 a Queen sitting on her OWN throne in her kingdom.

Baltimore, I stand with you

A life was taken.

A life was taken in POLICE custody.

A life was taken in police custody and no one has answered to this MURDER.

A life was taken in police custody and no one has answered to this murder, and the ONLY thing that angers you is a few stores with broken windows?

The only thing that angers you is people “proving the stereotype by robbing and looting”.

A life was taken and the only thing you care about is a few stores with broken windows.

A life was taken, Freddie Gray will NEVER be born again, but buildings CAN be rebuilt.

Windows can be remade, fires can be put out, but a TAKEN life can NEVER be given back.

 A murdered person can NEVER be un murdered!

 A life was taken, and the only thing you care about is a few stores with broken windows.

Windows broken by the anger, the hurt and the fear, these windows were broken with words we no longer have, the emotions we no long know how to express.

We have been marching for justice since we stepped off those slaves ships, on the plantations over the bridges in Selma and in many streets across America.

 Yet we have not moved, we are in the same place.

A life was taken and I’m sick and tired. Sick and tired of the harsh reality of “a new day a new hash tag for another black man that was killed”.

I’m sick and tired of trying to get these new age blacks to realize if it affects one, it effects us all no matter how new your mercedes is.

I’m sick and tired of my nonblack brethren telling me to “be quiet, just do what MLK did”.

A life was taken, in police custody and you want me to be quiet?

I’m sick and tired of the CHURCH passively standing by quoting scriptures out of context to keep us at ease.

I’m sick and tired of watching America declare war on it’s citizens while coming up with lies to hide and disguise why we are even here.

 It’s because of YOU that we are even here.

Your murder our babies, husbands, cousins and brothers and get made when we react.

It’s all because of YOU.

You stole and killed to get America…

How many years later and you’re STILL doing THE SAME THING!

Systematic racism runs DEEP in America, and it’s got some of you.

A life was taken in police custody, Baltimore I stand with you!

If you love someone tell them,

I love you

Destaynee

What do you believe?

You know how some conversations are off limits at work? Well some conversations just need to take place, like the conversation I had yesterday. Yesterday I had one of my supervisor’s come and help me with a work related issue. After he helped in resolving the issue he asked this question. “So how’s your Easter weekend going? I mean if you celebrate”. I was slightly taken off guard by the latter of the question. This supervisor and I are “cool”. We talk about various topics with no issues, whether we agree or not, although we have never really spoke about religion, or our faith practices. This question opened the floor for something similar, but far deeper.

I answered, “Yes I celebrate, Resurrection Sunday not the commercialized aspect of “Easter”, but the resurrection of Christ.”

He responded “Okay so how do you feel about the dates not lining up?”

I said “Excuse me?”

He said “You know how they say Christmas is on the 25^th, but Jesus being born in the winter doesn't add up with what’s correct in terms of how it was described. Easter, who’s to say this, is the day that he rose from the dead, if he rose. How do we know if it happened on these days?”

I said, “Okay, I see were you are coming from. I’ve had people ask me this before. I don’t celebrate these events because of the particular the happened on. I celebrate because I believe Jesus was born to the Virgin Mary, it doesn’t matter if it happened on December 25^th of not. IT happened and I’m celebrating his birth. Same for his resurrection, it happened, I don’t know the exact date, but it happened, so I’m celebrating the fact that Jesus, died for my sins and rose with all power. It’s just like our birthday’s, we don’t celebrate the exact day and time, but we take time out to acknowledge that yes we were born.”

He said “but check this out, how do you even know this happened.”

I said “Because it’s in the bible”

He said “The bible? That was written by people, how you know it wasn’t written by other people and just used to manipulate the masses”.

I said “They were witness to what was said and what happened. God helped them write the bible. The masses are manipulated because they don’t dig deeper for themselves.”

He started to shake his head, and wipe the sweat from his forehead.

I asked him “What do YOU believe?”

He said “I don’t believe in nothing, if I did I would lean more towards Muslim practices, I was raised muslim and they have a lot of good values and morals. See muslim’s I’m talking about the nation of Islam, the Malcom X, the Farrakahn, not the Afghanistan stuff. All these religions contradict themselves, Christianity, Catholics, buddists all of them. The bible and the Quarn are the most smiliar. We believe in the same God”

I said “I don’t know much about the Muslim religion, but to my understanding. You guys don’t see Jesus the way we see him. We see him as a part of the trinity, God in 3 persons (The father the son and the Holy Spirit) you guys just see him as a prophet, not the son of God, that’s not the same.”

He said “yea we see him as a prophet; he came and had prophecies, that’s what prophets do. Who’s to say he’s the son of God? Let me ask you something, why does the bible say swine is unclean, but Christians still eat it?”

I said” I’ll give you my perspective on my faith and not this commercialized version of what it means to be a Christian. This is about my relationship with God. Jesus died and now I have access to God personally. I don’t have to worry about being manipulated by preachers or people, because I have the Holy Spirit and I get understandings from him. I eat pork whenever I feel like it. I’m not going to hell if I do, and God’s not mad at me if I do. I choose to believe God and his word in the bible. I have faith in him and what he said, and what he has done in my life.”

He said “Well I’m not waiting around having faith and hoping something is true. I don’t have to go to church to worship, and I don’t have to listen to a preacher to get understanding. If I need to understand something, I’m going to go to someone I trust and think is wise. Like, why does the the good die young?”

I said “I agree, I don’t have to go to church, but I was raised in the church, my father was a preacher, church was all I knew. When I got older I researched it for myself and I choose to put my faith in God. I choose to believe Jesus, and I choose to go to church. It’s all a choice. The "good" die young for various reasons, and reasons no one will know. This happen, but if they didn't happen other things couldn't happen. I just trust God.”

By this time, my manager sent me a little message on my computer asking me to get back to work. (In a nice way lol)

That’s how the conversation ended although he said we would “finish up later”.

(A girl next to me said, I’m sorry, I was listening to yall’s conversation, and I understand what you mean about having a relationship with God. Only people with a relationship with him will understand what that truly means)

I will admit, this conversation wasn't planned, at least not on my end. I don’t go around work lining hymns, nor do I slam my big bible on my desk for all to see. I've only spoken to a few people at work about my faith because they ask. I don’t go around trying to debate or argue the bible, because the bible doesn't need to be debated. It is what it is.

I told my mom about this conversation and she said “That’s what letting your light shine will do. You may not talk about God all day at work, but your light is shining and it’s drawing others to want to know more.” That’s so true, I’m not here to convert anyone, that’s not my job(it's the Holy Spirit's job), but if I can “plant a seed”, or “get the soil ready for a seed to be planted”, then that’s alright with me.

Conversations like these are healthy. Neither one of us raised our voice or talked over one another. We spoke and listened and hopefully learned from one another. I know conversations like these help me learn about myself, the way I handle myself when being put on the spot as a representer of Christ.

Many people are losing their lives because they believe in Christ, let us continue to be unashamed and share the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Rest in Peace to those students in Kenya, that were killed for their belief in Christ.

If you love someone tell them

I love you

Destaynee

Boys will be boys...

This whole concept of “boys will be boys” is one I have failed to comprehend. “Boys will be boys” is just an excuse to allow boys to do whatever they want, whenever they want and get away with it because they are boys. This is one of the most ridiculous phrases, and concepts that I’ve heard, ever.

A few months ago my son was having problems with his behavior in school. Talking back, trying to be the class clown, etc. I went and met with the assistant principal, a black man. We discussed the changes my son was facing at the time, the issues black people face, but he shared his plight as a black man living in this world. It was really a great conversation, but it ended with this counter-productive phrase." Don’t worry mom, “boys will be boys”. I couldn’t believe he would end such an in-depth, insightful conversation with that phrase.

Black boys will NEVER just be boys!

Nothing negative, positive or indifferent they do will be seen as “he’s just a boy being a boy”. Ask Emmitt Till, Tamir Rice, Trayvon Martin, Jordan Davis, Mike Brown, George Stinney, Martese Johnson, Lennon Lee Lacy, Jimmy Lee Jackson and the countless black boys America has martyred. Unfortunately, you won’t be able to ask any of those boys, except Martese Johnson, because the rest were killed for doing things that “boys do”.

As a mother raising a black boy; a child that the world is constantly critiquing, criticizing and judging, I find myself being extra hard on my son. In the store I tell him don’t touch anything (they might think you’re trying to steal). Don’t run too fast (they might think you’re trying to get away). Oh honey, don’t stand too close (they might feel you’re threatening them). Don’t play too rough (they might think you’re trying to hurt them). You might think, wow what can your son do? Are you being too dramatic? No, these are things I have to think about, and without going into detail, make my son conscious of.

Boys will be boys; will NEVER apply to little black boys!

Quite frankly, it shouldn’t apply to anyone. There is a lack of accountability that is going around in our society. Everyone is literally going around and doing what they want because there is no accountability, no standard, no expectations, nothing!

I know I’m young, but I take being a parent very serious. Yes my son and I have our fun times. We play hard, we prank each other, we make jokes together we do it all. However, God gave me this child to take care of, and I do just that. There is no room for this “boys will be boys” hogwash. I’m too busy training up my child in the way that he shall go, so when he is old he will not depart from it. I’m raising a boy that will one day be a productive citizen in this world. My son will one day be a man that will have standards, morals, expectations and will hold himself accountable. I have a prince, which will one day be a king; a king that will one day represent not only me and our family, but Jesus Christ.

It’s not fair; the scrutiny and judgement our boys face, but those judging will one day face the ultimate judge. Let’s do our part while we can. I believe in putting in 100 percent at all costs. Even if your effort isn’t seen praised or reciprocated, you can at least say you put forth your all.

My son is doing so much better than he was a few months ago. He has gotten used to our new environment and our changes. He’s dealing with the past bullying, my work schedule and his new school wonderfully. Thank God he’s adjusted. Thank God for the men at his aftercare those have become mentors to him. It takes a village when raising these kids especially when you’re a single mom. Choose your village wisely. Use discernment and pray. God will send the right people in your path. Trust me.

If you love someone tell them,

I love you

Destaynee