Bullying isn't limited to the school house...

        Bullying isn’t limited to the school house. Bullying can be found in church houses, in grandma’s house, your aunts’ house, and the houses and homes of people all across America. Bullying doesn’t stop when families gather for Holiday’s, it’s only intensified, because more bullies are together, more people to bully and more opportunities to hide the bullying, under a culture filled with falseness.  

        Unfortunately, my son and I experienced bullying this Thanksgiving. I’m not sure why I expected anything different. Now I know NO family is perfect, every family has its issues, people alone have issues. When a group of people with various issues get together, things are bound to happen. (This isn’t just in my family, but this is any group of people) I guess the problem is expectation. Expecting people to WANT to grow and mature, and change their ways. Change doesn’t come easy as an expectation, people have to WANT change. The problem is, if no-one ever confronts the things that need to change, they’re being encouraged, and no-one will see a problem with it. We have to speak up against wrong doing.

        The bullying started after everyone had eaten and was full. (No, actually right before we were going to eat, my cousin, who is really a miracle a triple amputee, wanted to bless the food. So he did, he was nervous and stumbled while saying his prayer, and everyone laughed, to the point someone else had to interject and finish the prayer. My heart broke, and I said, that’s not funny, you did a great job. Afterwards, jokes started pouring in on him. I love jokes, but not at the expense of someone being embarrassed or their feelings being hurt.)Now I’ve learned my lesson with my family. These days I’m just a fly on the wall listening and observing, if you go against one, be prepare to take on everyone. (That’s the gang mentality/culture of falseness) So I just have side bar conversations with whoever wants to talk.

        Many things were said about people, people snickering and talking about the friends that some family members, invited to share this day with us. Someone had the audacity to call out a person that they met for the first time, because they had a jacket that didn’t meet their standard of what one should wear. I was so embarrassed, that a comment was made openly to where that person could hear. My reflex was to say, “Wow, that’s not nice”.

        Now the adults bully each other so frequently, they probably don’t even realize that’s what it is. I believe they have been conditioned to do this, to the point that if it’s not done, the family probably couldn’t operate. It’s a constant state of people being picked on talked about or isolated. I’m one of those that seem to get isolated. (Bullying has happened in the past, but ever since I stood my ground, they know they can’t influence me or affect me, because their opinions of me mean nothing.) They think they can isolate me, but you can’t isolate a person that doesn’t want to be involved with whatever is going on. So they were creating a “group me” (which is a like a chat room, where you select who can be a part of it, and you all can message back and forth) for the family, they went around the room and called everyone’s name to add them except me. As this happened, all I could think was, why are people so immature and petty? Then one of my aunt’s said, is everyone in the group, Des are you in? She knows I wasn’t in, that was her way of passive aggressively trying to make a statement. I replied, “No, I was not invited to be a part of you all’s group”. Then she said oh we'll add, you. I said “No thank you”. I said No, because if I wasn’t considered enough to be invited the first hour they were discussing it, I don’t want to be a part of it. Some of you may think it was petty of me, to not to accept the very late invitation. One thing I do know is that you have to teach people how to treat you. Had I accepted that, I’d be accepting half way apologies and second thought invitations for the rest of my life. I needed them to know what they did was not appreciated, and that I don’t need to be involved with things like that. My validation and my worth, does not come from humans. Relatives, church people, or coworkers, my worth comes from Christ and Christ alone.

        The problem with the adults bullying one another in front of the kids is that the kids to the same exact thing. Just as I was bullied, so was my son. Now my son is the youngest of all the cousins that gather together on a regular basis. Somehow one of my cousins that are in their twenties is always involved with bullying. This time while all the kids were playing in the front yard at night, one of my cousins decided to put Daniel over the fence into the neighbor’s yard. Four other people in their twenties witnessed this, as well as the younger kids but no one stopped him and no one came and told me. Daniel ran in the house scared and frantic. Yes I confronted my cousin, but of course he didn’t see anything wrong with it. Well here are a few things that are wrong with it: a dog could’ve been in the yard and attacked Daniel. A snake could’ve been in the grass, someone could’ve snatched him or he could’ve run out into the street and God forbid got hit by a car. Not to mention, nobody should have their hands on my child. Now I was placed with a decision, because I was supposed to work Black Friday, but now I’m concerned about my child’s safety, with my family. I stayed around so that I could make a good decision and really here what God was saying to me.

        Hours and hours later, we all went to my aunt’s house, to allow grandma some time to rest. Bullying didn’t stop there; it went with us over to my aunt’s house. The kids were in the back room, and something told me to go check on them. Firstly the door was locked, and after they opened it, Daniel was bent over holding his stomach crying. One of my bullying cousins punched him in the stomach. At this point I was livid. I went off on the kids, telling them that you don’t hit or hurt your cousins and how somebody should’ve came and told, and how they need to keep their hands to themselves etc. This is when I knew I needed to get Daniel and just go. I was faced with risking my child’s safety, with my family, or risking getting in trouble for calling out of work. I decided to risk it with work. God is my ultimate provider and if they can’t understand well, I’m trusting God.

God has entrusted me with my son. He gave him to me, I have to protect him, and I have to take care of him. Leaving him in an environment where he is obviously targeted is not a risk I’m willing to make.

        The bible instructs us to love our neighbor as you love yourself. Also in Matthew 5:44 Jesus says “ But I say unto you, love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.”

        I don’t love my family any less for the bullying that goes on, because I see the issues that are far beyond the surface. In my restoration class, we were challenged to see those that offended us in the eyes of God. See a person the way God sees them, the way God sees you, as one of his children that he loves so dearly. Yes God loves the people that do wrong to you. He doesn’t love what they are doing, but he loves them, and we too must love.

        I am not saying, just stand around and be a punching bag, physically or verbally, please understand who you are in Christ. Know that you weren’t given the spirit of fear, but of power LOVE and of a sound mind. You are royalty and you don’t have to stand for foolishness, but you can correct a person lovingly. You can address the offenses that were made unto you lovingly. You can address those involved, lovingly just as God does us. When we mess up regardless of how he corrects us, it’s done IN LOVE. If we are striving to be Christ like, we need to operate in love even with bullies.

        This post is not in ANY way shape or form to “put my family on blast”. This is for those that don’t have a voice to speak up against bullying, this is for those that are bullied and think they’re alone, and this is for those that may be doing the bullying.Bullying affects more people that you know, and it is one of the causes of low self-esteem, and feeling of loneliness. I strongly believe in transparency, I think the world has enough false images and situations out there, we the body needs the realness, and the raw truth.

Hebrews 10:4 says “And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works”

If you love someone tell them

I love you

Destaynee