Why I went Natural

Over the years I’ve always gotten questions about my natural hair. I figured instead of always having to give a long winded response I could just share it here.

I first went natural back when I was like 15 years old. That was around the summer of 2004. I did not willingly make the choice to “go natural”, but I was somewhat forced to. My hair was so damaged and so broken off from 4 years of getting perms. My hair was at the worst state it was ever in. It was short, broken off in the back, just awful. So my aunt suggested that I cut all my hair off, and so we did. See this was before YouTube, and the online Natural hair community and all its cute little terms for the certain stages of our hair. Technically at this point I “big chopped” and had a “TWA”. (Or shorter) I was so insecure with my hair, the day my aunt cut it my other aunt kept calling me a boy, so I requested “pinch plaits” or micro braids.(My confidence was not where it needed to be to be able to confront mean statements like these, thankfully over the years that has changed, and no one can tell me anything about my beautiful hair!) I wore this hair style for a whole year, which was long enough for my hair to grow to a length that I was comfortable with.

At this point I was proud that my hair had grown so long in such a short amount of time. I didn’t know exactly how to care for it, I was moisturizing it with that infamous “blue/green grease”( I don’t know the name of it, but I’m sure most of my sista’s know what I’m talking about). When I moved to Florida, at this time like 2 other girls had their hair like mine, natural. I still didn’t know how to style my hair or take care of it, so I just wore it in puffs. I usually wore it in 2 puffs (yes like Minnie mouse lol in high school!) I did get teased in school for wearing my hair natural. I would walk down the hall way and someone would say “you need to get a perm”. I would just keep walking.

(This is me at 16 years old(2005), after growing my hair out for a year)

I kept my afro puffs up until senior year. I wanted a more mature look, a “senior” look. I asked my mom if I could get a perm just for senior year. (I don’t remember the dialogue but I ended up coming back to school with a perm). I felt great, my hair was “laid”, but I realized it wasn’t nearly as thick as it was without the perm. I just got one perm, a decided to grow my hair out. I’d rather have thick hair, then thinner “laid hair”. Little did I know this began my “transitioning stage”. I would wear my hair in twists, or I would flat iron and towards the end of senior year a sew in (for prom) and braids (for graduation). I was SO over the perm!! 

Prom 2007, Transition

This transition continued into January of 2008. I was in college at The Great Bethune Cookman, and I was SO over my two different textures. I ended up one night just cutting the permed ends off! I felt so liberated, because my hair was free from the perm. I have been perm free ever since!! After the perm was gone, I still wasn’t completely sold or comfortable with being natural. The only natural girls I would see are the dope girls with loc’s around campus. So I would wear my hair in twists (because I was contemplating loc’s, and it was easy enough for me to do myself). I then stepped my game up to get sew-in’s more frequently. After a while, I got tired of that. I’m tender head, so having someone else detangle my hair, braid it down and then sew some hair into it was not something I was into. (I also didn’t like the fact that these women, in other countries would shave their hair, pray over it in hopes of pleasing their god. Firstly I don’t know who their god is, and what spirits could come along with it, so I deemed to never get a sew-in or wear human hair again. And I haven’t) Also the fact that wearing weaves, and braids is not a protective style when you’re wearing it ALL the time. It can become damaging.

(I would typically wear my hair in twists like these are bigger 2011)

I had to get to the place where I understood embraced and accepted my hair for what it was. I had to fully realize that my hair is my crown and glory. This is the type of hair God saw fit for me. If I’m fearfully and wonderfully made, then God made no mistake in giving me a thick head full of curls, kinks and coils. God gave me what he felt was best for me in my hair, and I had to embrace that. I had to stop looking to other people and what they have going on; I definitely had to stop looking to the media for someone that looked like me. (because we all know the media does not cater to black women in a positive light. Yes they are NOW showing more curly girls, in commercials and movies, but notice their hair texture never represents ALL textures within the natural hair community, don’t be fooled. Don’t look to the media for self-esteem building, and self-acceptance.) When I finally got “hip” to youtube, it was the same thing. Now there are more women on there sharing their journey, but it’s nothing like finding out for yourself.

One question I get often is: “What products do you use?”  Honestly I keep it as single as possible. I’m not a “product junkie” (a person that buys multiple products and keeps switching them up). What I did was found what worked for me, and I’ve been using it for the past 3 years plus. I try to encourage naturals especially those that are new, to stop looking at everyone else and do what works for you and YOUR hair texture.

I use black soap to wash my hair and clarify my scalp.

I use Shea moisture conditioner or the old school carrot conditioner.

I moisturize my hair with a mix that I mixed together and came up with. (I have sold some, and will if anyone is interested.) This mix has contributed greatly to the health of my hair.

Another statement I hear a lot from women who are relaxed and starting off natural “I could never get my hair like that”. Natural hair takes time and determination. You won’t know what hair styles work for your hair until you try them. (It takes trial an error) You won’t know what products work until you try them. Embracing your natural hair may take time especially if you’re used to permed hair or wigs and weaves. Give yourself time to get used to your look; don’t write your hair off because you don’t look like someone else!!! We are God’s finger print, we are his hand made creation we are unique to others and we need to embrace that, no matter what it is. If God gave it to you, he permitted it, he saw fit for you to have it. Don’t spend your life hating yourself or your hair or your appearance when your father in heaven gave it to YOU!

No I don’t straighten my hair or blow dry my hair. I have in the past, but I don’t see the need to, nor do I have the urge to. This is just MY personal thing. I made a goal a while ago, that I would straighten my hair whenever I got married. That is subject to change. When I made that goal, it was because I still cared what men thought lol. I figured men like straight hair so that’s something I would do for my husband. SMH. No!  Whomever I marry will love my hair just the way that it is, curly, wavy, kinky and coily! Natural hair IS sexy! (Ladies make your hair goals for YOURSELF! Not based on the opinions of others) I also used to think I would have to straighten my hair on job interviews. Let me tell you, the job I have now, I went in with flat twists. Any other interview I go on, I will not potentially damage my hair to look “professional”. Natural hair is professional!

On twitter, I get a lot of younger girls inquiring about going natural and how to deal with the comments of others. I had one girl from Africa, tell me she “big chopped (cut off all her permed hair to the new growth). She told me that she was afraid to go to church because of what people would say about her. My heart broke for that little girl, because we as a black community put TOO much emphasis on our appearance, mainly our body and our hair. I prayed with her, and had a conversation with her, encouraging her and the next week she told me she went to church and felt so beautiful! I cried and told her, you are beautiful and you have every right to feel that way! It was amazing to see her go from being afraid of what people thought, to embracing who she was!

There’s nothing more liberating than knowing who we are; knowing that we are beautiful, not because people tell us we are, not because the media shows us, but because God says so! We are beautiful because God made us. We are beautiful because we are black women period! We need to understand that and fully embrace that.

“Going Natural’ is not a journey, it’s not an experiment, it’s not a trial period. This is my life. I am Natural because I have accepted and embraced how God made me to be. He gave me this hair, for me and the relationship I have with him, I would feel like I’m insulting him by trying to change something he gave to me. I love my God, and I love his creativity, and I love the hair that he has given me.

(Disclaimer: I am not bashing weaves, wigs, extensions or perms. Do what makes you happy, do what’s best for you.)

My son and I this summer 2013

If you love someone tell them

I love you

Signed,

A beautiful black Queen, that has embraced every kink and curl that spirals out of her head.

Destaynee