WHO ARE YOU?

Do you know who you are?

Have you ever asked yourself this question, and actually found an accurate response?  It's easy to say "I'm a daughter, a sister, a mother, a neighbor. a co worker" but that doesn't get into the essence of who you truly are.

You know all my life I've been told who I am.

My teachers in elementary would say I "talked too much or not enough." My parents would say I'm "shy and quiet". My friends parents would say I'm "defiant or difficult". My aunts and cousins on my mom's side would call me "mean", one would even call me an "ugly skinny black bitch"

And to be honest I was none of those things ( I mean...... back then I was really skinny, so I guess you could say I was THAT bitch lol). All of those words used to describe me was based on a response to something that was said or done to me.

We grew up in a household where we were constantly told "children should be seen and not heard".. so of course to my parents I was quiet and shy! Which resulted in talking too much in school, because that was the only place I could talk. I was called difficult or defiant, because I stood firm in what I believed or wanted, and could never be swayed. To have that mindset and power as a child, is actually a blessing. I never gave into peer pressure. If anyone tired to pressure me, my friends would defend me and say why would you ask her that, you know she doesn't do that shit!  Of course my mom's family would say I was "mean", which again was a response to the way I was treated by them. (the irony)

Knowing who I am, and what I am is important to me not just because I'm a mother who will have to help my boys navigate and figure out who they are but so I can operate in the true essence of who I am, The fullness and wholeness of who Destaynee is!

I went through life with people only and always saying something negative about me so much to the point I actually believed it. I would say things like "yea, I'm mean" or "I cant do that I'm shy". Girl how are you shy when you are sitting on a panel, with doctors and principals talking to parents about connecting /raising their children. ( at the time I was like 23) Nothing about that is "shy"!  How are you connecting with adults and children from various backgrounds? how are you able to mentor young women if you are "mean"?

It was all a lie!!!

We have to be extremely careful of the things we allow people to speak over us, and what we decide to internalize. I don't allow anyone to speak negatively about my kids to me or to them. For example, my youngest is 2, some would say oh "terrible twos"... Where? Not over here. He's only been on this earth for 2 years, He's still learning how to express how he feels. He's still learning why he feels the way he feels! . Just like I have rough days, I expect my children to have rough days as well. I'm not going to place a negative label on my child, so he can internalize that, and then make choices to behave that way because of the label I placed. No!

Your words are very powerful, and you have to be mindful with how you use them. Life and death is in the power of the tongue!

Being a single parent can make it easy to lose yourself in your kids. Between the school work, practices, the latest Xbox or Play Station games, nurturing them, feeding and protecting their minds and souls, entertaining them and the list goes on chile. It's important to know motherhood, is a piece of what you do but its not solely who you are. We have to know who we are, not based on our titles, our profession, diplomas, cars, property etc. Who are you? Not what people say about you, but who you are when you aren't performing at the job,

When I was a child I used to say I was a hippie (I dressed like it too lol), when I was like 21, I would say I'm a dread headed hippie at heart. Look at me now. A loc'd mf'n Goddess. And for me that means so many things. None of which are negative, because I am able to see what are responses to trauma, and what is from the core of my being. What's from my Soul and Spirit, not what's from my mind. The mind can be easily influenced and manipulated, The Soul and Spirit is who you are, and who you will always be.

I challenge you, to ask yourself, "who am I?" Not who people tell you, you are, not based on the likes and comments you received, but who are you in your spirit and soul?

If you love someone tell them,

I love you,

Signed.

Quiet Fire.