Single Mother 4.0|| Bullying in Pre-K?!!

“Why doesn’t my teacher love me mommy?  Why don’t my friends like me?  Who’s going to play with me at school mommy?”

These are the questions I’ve gotten asked night after night for weeks, by my 4 year old child. Unable to choke down the tears, I literally didn’t have the answers. How can a parent answer that? All I could do was hug him tighter and tell him I loved him, and that I’d play with him.

I’ve been contemplating whether or not I should share this. Although I’m transparent, I’m still very private (total contradiction I know), especially when it’s serious and has to do with my child. When I first thought about sharing this, it was for all the wrong reasons. I wanted to expose this school, the teacher and the directors. Yea I wanted EVERYONE to know how they treated me and my son. We all know God wouldn’t let that happen lol. So it’s been a few weeks, since my son has been to that school, and I’ve calm down enough to effectively share my story. Not to expose or bash anyone, but to bring awareness to other parents; to be a voice for my son, and other children across the world. You’re not alone.

It all started a few months back (End of Oct.) I would get calls all day while I’m at work concerning my son’s “behavior”. My son’s behavior has never been an issue (not outside the typical 4 year old tantrums etc) so to get calls from his school was extremely troubling and stressful. It got to the point where they were trying to tell me my son had “behavioral problems”. I refused to believe that. The way these people were talking to me, was typical for how people talk to young single moms. They talked to me as if I’m uneducated, as if I’m just going to take what they are saying and believe it, as if I’m not going to research, talk to other people, and most importantly pray.

My son was at this school last year, so the people knew me (except his new teachers) and I never had a problem with anyone. I should’ve seen the red flags, when they “mistakenly” failed to put a permission slip in my son’s folder for a field trip. Yes my child was the only one in the class, that didn’t get to go on a field trip. A field trip, that I didn’t even know about, until I picked him up and he’s asking me “mommy, why didn’t you sign the permission slip”. Shortly after the “umm we need you to come pick  you son up” phone calls starting coming in. (I thank God for my managers, being so understanding. I had to leave work, or not come in so many times in a row. I should’ve been fired, but my managers told me they didn’t even put the absences and me leaving in the middle of my shift on my work record. It’s like it never happened. That was ALL God! Won’t he do it, yes he will and yes he did!)

I had to change my complete schedule at work, so that I could be in the classroom with my son. I just didn’t believe the things they were telling me, I had to see for myself. Every day for about 2 months, I went to school with my son, sitting in on the class observing and seeing what was going on.

Firstly, the teacher barely acknowledged that I was there; she was extremely rude and unprofessional. Secondly I noticed, the way she treated my son, is the way the kids were treating him. She treated him as if he was a problem child, and the kids followed suit (in psychology we call that learned behavior). At circle time, the kids would get in a circle, but exclude my son from the circle. My son sat outside the circle until I said,” hey let’s make some room so he can fit in too”. They would choose him last when it came time for “recall”(to share which area you played in).There are other times during play time, he would try to go to a certain area and the kids would say “nooo, we don’t want you to play with us”. So my son would either play on the computer with me or in a corner with blocks by himself. One particular time when he was playing with the blocks, a kid came over and took one from my son. He asked for it back, and the kid didn’t, so like any other kid my child tried to get it back which turned into a tug of war that ended in a fight. Guess who was at fault. Guess whose behavior was “out of control”. Guess who was sitting right there, but didn’t intervene. (the teacher).

I cried almost every day in the car, leaving my son’s school to go home. I couldn’t stand seeing him being treated that way, I couldn’t stand seeing him fighting to be accepting by making jokes, and fighting to defend himself.

“Well why didn’t you take him out of the school” you ask?

I did! Just wasn’t soon enough. I tried to work with the teacher; I tried suggesting that he be placed in a different class. (They let him go in another class for a week; there were no problems, because those kids weren’t bullying him. They came up with a stupid excuse and said he couldn’t stay in that class)

The last straw (a couple of straws) for me was me pleading to the directors to do something about the bullying. The response I got was “I’m sorry this is happening”. The next day, the teacher read a story about keeping hands to yourself, but that didn’t happen. My son was punched in the eye, and put in a head lock while punched in the side, by a 4 year old!!! What did the teacher do? Nothing!! So I calmly said, "okay time to go". As I’m on the way out, the teacher asks to speak with me. Long story short, she was highly defensive unprofessional tried to justify why the kids bullied my son, said she feels like I’m criticizing her, and that I owe her an apology. Listening to her talk, I realized this was personal; this was more about her dislike towards me. I realized, wow I’m in the middle of a spiritual battle and I’m looking my adversary right in the eye. I didn’t give her the response she wanted, the loud talk, cursing all the negative things I’m sure she expected. I let her talk, I didn’t cut her off, but I saw she was wanting an argument. I didn’t give her one. That was my son’s last day.

I cried in the car (of course with the music up, so my son wouldn’t hear). How could the devil be so bold to come for my son at his school?(If the devil is bold enough to be chilling in the temple, he's bold enough to come anywhere.He hates our God, so he hates us, automatically.) Why are people so evil? What can I do? How could I let my son be exposed to this?

I was livid, I felt hopeless! After I calmed down, and expressed my frustrations to God. I was able to call the place that funds them and filed a complaint. I also filed a complaint somewhere else.( I know my rights lol)

I wanted to share my experience especially for my young moms, my single moms, just moms in general. God has entrusted us to raise these babies we have to do all we can to protect them on every level. They can’t speak for themselves, we have to be their voice! Letting my son continue to be exposed to such treatment, would have him believing this is all he’s worth. If I sat there one more day, it could have him thinking he deserves this treatment, and that I don’t care because I’m sitting on the sidelines watching. No!! We have to be advocates for our children. We have to stand up for them at all costs!

 Kids don’t know their worth on their own. It’s told to them as a child. “oh you’re so cute, you’re so smart”. They wouldn’t believe that, unless someone tells them. Our children get their worth from us,(until they are old enough to understand and know their worth is in Christ. At age 4 I can tell my son that, but he still cares about what mommy thinks of him) and we have to not only tell them they’re valuable, but also show them, by fighting for them when we have to, speaking up for them, and taking them out of un-healthy environments!

This experience has been one of a lifetime. No child should be bullied, or isolated in their classroom with a teacher as the silent witness, especially not in pre-school!

I thank God for keeping my son and I during this situation. He is fine, and so am I. I’m very cautious in looking for a new school; I kind of want to homeschool him. I’m still praying and waiting to hear exactly what should be done.

Young mom, Single mom, any mom, your main goal is to protect your child. People are going to judge you and your situation, and try to treat you any way, or “get over on you”. Children are the heritage of the Lord. Know that you deserve better and so does your child.

“Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere”-Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

If you love someone tell them.

I love you

Destaynee