How silly am I to forget that as a Christian I have free
will! God has given us the ability to make decisions as a human being, now
whether those decisions are godly or not are something else. We were given free
will because even at our birth, God could’ve made us believe in him, made us
accept Jesus Christ as our personal Lord and savior, but he didn’t. God allowed
US to make that decision for ourselves. No-one is a Christian by force that is
a decision that one had to make for themselves. Every day we make decisions to
either try to be as Christ like as possible or to give in to our flesh. We make
a choice to follow after Christ, or hold hands and walk with Satan. It’s pretty
black and white, either you do or you don’t. So when it comes to dating, “courting”
or marriage why don’t we see it as a decision?
I think I’ve possibly been looking at Christian
relationships the wrong way. I just always assumed if it was in God’s will for
me to be married, he would send my husband; I never knew I had to choose. I
thought he would just stand out in a crowd and I would “know” who he was.
I just read a blog post about marriage,(The girls name was
Hannah, can’t remember the blog name or site) and it dawned on me, no matter how long I
don't “date”, or no matter how many times I say "No randoms"... I
still have to choose the person I want to be with. That might sound like a no
brain er , but for me and other people out here, we thought that the man God
had for us was just going appear and we'd live happily ever after. Ladies,
gents we still have to CHOOSE, the person we want to be with.
The other day, I asked a guy on twitter, what he considers
as pursuing a woman. He said “I gave that to God” I said: Even when God sends
you a person, you will still have to make the effort to pursue them, he isn’t going
send someone and you all are going to just run off and get married, you have to
make a decision to pursue or not.
Just as God doesn't force us to live a Christian lifestyle,
he isn't going to force us to marry "the one”. We have free will!! (Because
God equipped us with the ability to make decisions) We love to bring up Boaz, he STILL had to choose Ruth, and Ruth
still had to choose (even though she was told to go to him) to be in the right
position to be noticed by Boaz.
Life is ALL about decisions, choosing what to do.
Yes because God is all knowing he knows who we are going to
marry who we are going to reject, ignore turn down etc, he knows it all before
we even think it, but that doesn’t mean he’s going to FORCE it on us.
But how do we choose who to marry? Do we make a laundry list
of "wants" and "needs" in a spouse? Do we set unattainable
godly standards? Do we let other "success" stories romanticize our
reality? Or are we going to pray for discernment when we make these choices?
I believe what happens in the Christian "dating
world" is we set standards for our men and women to meet, they have to be
a minister, a preacher, youth leader, she has to teach bible study, she has to
be involved in ALL ministries at church, but isn't that just going after a
person for what they’re doing? Are we "dating" people because of
their gifts? Because God has given them such an anointing and we want some of
it to overflow into our lives? Are we really just dating like the world
(Instead of using people for sex and money, we're using them for their gifts,
their name, their titles, their wisdom, their potential ministries and
spiritual power)
 |
| Before dinner with friends 7/19/13 |
Yes it would be so dope to use each other’s gifts and minister
as a couple, but are you just using them for that solely for that? It’s nice to
be noticed for your spiritual gifts, but when people start praising YOU more
for them, than they do God, watch out! They could be using you for your gifts.
(ask me how I know -_-)
At the end of the day we have to stop over spiritualizing
certain things. Maybe we over spiritualize dating!(Maybe that's why "dating" isn't addressed in the bible) Now I do believe the bible
when it says to be equally yoked, which is a non-negotiable! That's word. But
are we missing out on “the one" because we haven't chosen to take that
step, and we are waiting on some man or woman to come through the fog of our
life and sweep us off our feet?
I’ve had sisters in Christ tell me they “know” who their
husband is, yet they don’t even have a friendship with them. Understand your
spirit as a Christian, is going to be drawn to other Christians. You’re still
human you’re still going to be attracted to people of the opposite sex; you’re
still going to have things in common with other people that’s just how we were
created. Please don’t set your hopes on your emotionalism, just because your drawn
to a man/woman doesn’t automatically make them your husband/wife. Just because
they meet all the qualities you’ve been praying for in a spouse does NOT mean
they are your husband/wife. I can’t keep track of how many times someone TOLD me
they were my husband, let alone the many times God “told them” I was their
wife. Surely it’s flattering but I still have a choice to make!
Love isn’t just a feeling that comes over a person, it’s an
action. Love is a choice, you have to choose to love someone, and you have to
WANT to love someone. Just as God so loved the world he sent is ONLY begotten
son to die for us. God made a choice; he didn’t have to send Jesus. Jesus didn’t
have to get on that cross, but I’m so glad he did. Jesus chose to get on the
cross and allow himself to die because he loved us! Isn’t love still the same
way? Has love changed? No! 1 Corinthians
13:4-8 says “Charity sufferth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity
vauneth not itself, is not puffed up, doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh
not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; rejoiceth not in
iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things,
hopeth all things, endureth all things” Love is described using action
words. It’s not a feeling that comes over us. No one “falls in love”, we allow
our guards to be lowered and we LET someone into our hearts, we are choosing to
love.
In no way am I promoting useless dating, or relationship
hopping. I'm just sharing this major revelation I just had. We have free will.
We have to CHOOSE who we want to be with and who we don't want to be with. God
is NOT going to force a man or a woman on us to date or marry; we STILL have to
make that choice and that first step!
Let’s stop looking at other people’s relationship stories
and thinking that is going to happen for us in that same way. I know for me I
look up to some of our married sisters and brothers in Christ, and their love
stories are amazing, but we have to get off their stories and look at ours. God
has a different plan for each and every one of us. Don’t get discouraged if
your story isn’t looking like so and so’s! Praise God, because he is getting
the glory in another way and it’s going to give hope and encouragement to other
people.
Faith without works is dead; if we are trying to emulate
someone else’s love story is that really faith? No we have to trust God. If
this is what we want, then we have to pray, listen, discern then take those
steps in faith.
I was so encouraged by this conversation and revelation with
God. Not only does this relate to relationships, but if can relate to other
area’s in our life. Yes we want certain things but if we are making certain
decisions and exercising our faith how will we ever obtain them? Yes understand
Thy will, WILL be done, but even while we are moving in God’s will we will have
to make decisions!
Let’s do away with the unattainable standards, let’s do away
with the emotionalism of love and dating, if we want to do this, let’s make
that decision, let’s get to work. A relationship isn’t going to happen overnight.
If you’re interested in someone and you are whole and content with Christ, they’re
a Christian what are we waiting for? Things won’t happen unless you make them
happen. It’s okay to accept an invitation to go out on a date.(NOW ALL
invitations, aren’t sincere, if you KNOW that person’s intentions aren’t good
then don’t bother, use your discernment people!) It’s okay to get to know more
about someone, no harm in that. You won’t know until you try. (If you’re
unsure, always take it to God. Yes even God cares about how you feel and your
decisions towards relationships, talk to him!)
If you love someone tell them
I love you
Destaynee
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