Well as I was talking to God today I brought up a time in my life where I wasn't trusting in him I wasn't as dedicated to living for him as I am now. Ill give some background...
This was back in 2009/2010 I had recently had my son and I was unemployed. I was in school, but had no way of providing for my son. At the time I had a friend (wasn't much of a friend at ALL) we always had great conversations about politics,sports,worldly affairs everything. We came from completely different backgrounds raised completely different, but that never stopped me from being a friend to him. Anyway he presented a way I could make money. He knew that I like to dance and I loved music.. so he said I should be a dancer. Not dancing in the movies or video's ... a dancer, an exotic dancer or simply a stripper. I was quite offended by that because I'm not that kind of girl, but he presented it in a way I actually thought about it. --Mind you at this time there was spiritual disconnect,depression a lot was going on with me. My communication with God wasn't the greatest.-- telling me the amounts of money and this and that,but thankfully the Holy Spirit spoke up for me. I told him no I couldn't do something that would be against God, bring shame to my family,my son or my church..I believe that was the last conversation I had with that person until this past feb 2011(ill share about my worst date ever)
(Before going out one night)
Your like okay?? where is this going...let me take you to the summer of 2011...
at this point I was still unemployed.. but I had money(I'm great at saving) but there was still a disconnect in my communication with Christ. So I started going out to the clubs downtown. I would go to the same club and I went often... like often. (such a shame At this point I was very lonely,low self esteem, everything. I justified my going out with saying "I don't drink, I don't do drugs, I don't meet people to have sex, I'm not doing what those people are doing, I'm just out to socialize with people my age" (because I was a stay at home mom,never had much interaction with people my age).... yeaaaa then I became friends with the bouncers, the bartenders the managers the owners of the club.. I wouldn't dance with anyone I'm very serious about my personal space and don't like to be touched. So I would talk with one of the bouncers and we would talk from the time I got there to the time I left... Every now and then I would have a drink.. (yes I waited until I was 21 to have my first drink.)The drinking caused me to dance more.. people that were in the club would say I should be a go-go dancer(the club had one girl dancing) and the guy I was "friends" with would tell me how the people would tell him and some of the other workers I should be a go go dancer blahze blahze.. One night one of the girls dancing was giving me information.. And it had me thinking.. hmmm this isn't stripping, there's no tips, they have on clothes... but the other part of me was like, but I know I'm supposed to help girls find their worth in Christ what do I look like dancing Wednesday through Saturday and trying to praise God and help people on Sunday?? So I took it to twitter, I asked a few of my followers that were in Christ ...Some of them said go for it, some of them said I shouldn't... but the money would've been good... then I thought about
this...
Matthew 6:24
“No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money.
I
appeal to you
therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.
I realized I was a lukewarm Christian. I was doing enough to be saved, but not delivered. I was still feeding my flesh. Looking to other people for approval, seeking attention from other people hanging around in the dark. I KNEW I had NO business being in the club. I KNEW I had NO business taking counsel on my life with people that were just as wrong as I was I knew that. -- And no I do not go to the club anymore, haven't been there in a while-- Every time I went to the club, I could feel the darkness, I knew I was out numbered I knew I wasn't supposed to be there. Not to mention every time I went out something bad happend someone tried to snatch me up , I would be followed... Crazy things!!
But the amazing thing about God is that he corrects those that he loves.
Hebrews 12:6
For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives
One day I was just like I'm not going out no more I can't. I told my mom I said mom, Im not going out anymore.. she was like good but why.. I said I don't belong there, It's not for me. And it's not to say that I'm better than anyone I just don't belong there. My song and dance is for Jesus, not for those that promote sin. That's why I cant even listen to secular music I cant praise fornication, I cant praise getting drunk I cant praise doing drugs. I just cant!
(And I'll tell you when I did go out I would see spirits,spirits within the people from the alcohol. I've never forget the look on this man's face.. He looked at me with so much hate,like he wanted to kill me and then he called me the b word and smiled and walked away.. he didn't even look human he looked like a creature...I believe it was a demon)
So I'm sharing all this with you all because I don't want yall to think I'm perfect, that just because I've been raised in the church I'm not faced with certain situations. We're all gonna be faced with temptation on every front. We're gonna have people that we think are "right" that are gonna try to counsel us, and advise us on what we should do and how to do it. The best counsel and advice you can ever get is from God! He created you, he knows you better than you know yourself, why wouldn't you ask him what to do? Why wouldn't you ask him what's best for you?
1Peter 5:7
"Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you"
He cares about what we're going through and as his children we're gonna go through things simply because this life is NOT about us!!
I've learned this concept throughout this year, talk to God as if he's your human parent. You know how you were like "mom I need some new shoes,dad I need to go to practice can you take me?" ... Talk to him just like that
"Dad, I don't know how I gonna get through this day. I'm not feeling well spiritually or physically. I feel alone although I know I'm never alone I still feel this way, I don't know how my bills are gonna get paid I just don't know. God I know that you are strong in my weakness(2 Corinthians 12:9 "And he said unto me "My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness" Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me." Please forgive me for my doubt, but God I'm trusting and depending solely on you for my every need. I need you and only you God."
Talk to him just like that, you don't need fancy words but he is waiting to hear from you.
I hope this can help someone like I said I'm learning to be more transparent because as Christians we need one another to get through, and if sharing my story with you all can show yall God's power and might and can help you through I'm an open book!! God is amazing and he can and will forgive you and deliver you from any situation and sin if you let him. We must understand it's not enough to say "God forgive me for I have sinned" , we must have true repentance which is to confess our wrong doing's and to turn away from the sin, meaning not go back to it...
If you love someone tell them
I love you
-Destaynee
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