Thursday nights at my church are the nights we have bible study. I usually ask my mom to watch my son, but tonight I was busy getting off work,picking him up from school grabbing something to eat, and so I decided he was gonna just coming with me. Well he asked to go, he also asked if "God was at church waiting for me" lol so who am I to deny him from going, so I laid out the rules.
1.) No loud talking
2.) Have to stay seated
3.) No crying,fussing,or playing loudly
He agreed to the "terms and conditions" which were a spanking or we would leave early if he didn't comply...
Long story short we ended up leaving. He wasn't crying or fussing or running around, but he wouldn't listen. He was "playing the drums" (hitting the pew, and the air drums) and talking loudly.. basically being a kid. I tried to talk to him while I was trying to get him to just sit down, I was getting those looks. You know those "excuse me ma'am cant you control your kid looks" yea so I figured he was distracting folks so we just left.
I was upset, because I love church, I have to be in church at least 2 days a week hearing the word,learning etc.. and of course I was beating myself up, which the devil just loves, when I open up those doors of downing myself he just dumps right on the band wagon. So I was like geesh If my son had a real family structured home (a mom and a dad in the house together as a family) this wouldn't be an issue, because his "step dad" would be the disciplinarian. I know your like, umm your his mom just whoop him. Yes my son receives whoppings just like the next kid, but its a certain authority that a man has that a young boy respects. Don't get me wrong my son is so loving,caring, respectful and kind towards me, but I notice the respect and change in his demeanor when a man is in his presence... So thinking about all that I began to compare my portions to other peoples..( the devil LOVES when we do that,because in that moment we aren't appreciative of what God has blessed us with, we are coveting.. thou shall not covet.) So then I caught myself, like whoa whoa whoa.. yes I had pre martial sex and got pregnant, but a child is a blessing from God.. and God knows all things so he knew I was gonna be where I am, better yet he ALLOWED it. So I stopped feelings sorry for myself.
This is the path God is asking me to walk, never said It was gonna be easy, but I wont lose my faith. I know he has great plans for my son and I. I also cant get caught up in the stares or looks I get from people inside the church or outside the church. Their opinions carry no weight, God knows what he's doing all I can do is trust. I know my "Adam" is not far from finding me. I know he will be a great father to my son, but until then I just have to stay focused on being a great mother to my son and a great daugther to my heavenly father.
#NoRandoms and #NoComparisions
Acts 1:7
"and he said unto them it is not for you to know the times or the seasons,which the father hath put in his own power"
Its not for me to know why or how long Im gonna be in this season of singleness, but I do know I must continue to seek his face and fulfil his purpose.
Its great how the holy spirit comes to comfort us,just as Jesus said he would. Praise God!!
If you love someone tell them
I love you
-Destaynee
this was an enjoyable read keep it up :)
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