Letter to black fathers

If mommy abandoned her parental duties, she’d be outcast-ed, shamed and probably taken to court for custody, but daddy’s been doing it his whole like with no repercussions.

No repercussions!

Some might say being put on child support is a repercussion; child support is a response to a parent that abandoned his parental duties. Stop blaming the system for why you “can’t” or won’t take care of your kids. Child support isn’t raising these babies, seeing your child every other weekend isn’t raising these babies, passing them off to your family members, every chance you get, isn’t these babies. Buying the latest Jordan’s and video games isn’t raising these babies!

What’s raising these babies is the strength God has given us mothers to take on the role of mommy and daddy. The strength God gives us to not break down from carrying the burden that was meant for two by ourselves. Though I’m not a man, it’s that God given wisdom that I’m using to raise my son, to one day be a man, and that takes time.

See the most important thing you can give your child, is your love and your time. Your time! Your time! Do you know the importance of time? Do you know how much time is being wasted? How much time has been wasted trying to explain why daddy can’t come today, why daddy doesn’t play catch with you, why daddy doesn’t take you to church and why daddy is a day late and a dollar short? Time that’s wasted on waiting on you to show up; only to be disappointed because you “had something to do”. Nothing should be more important than spending your time with your child.

As time passes on, there will come a time where your child will realize he shouldn’t waste his time wondering why, wondering when, and wondering if you’re going to show up. He would’ve moved on with his life, with no more time to waste.

My brotha I’m not here to bash you, or tear you down. I’m just showing you my reality, and the reality of many moms’. There is a reason people can’t have kids by themselves, it takes two to make them and it takes two to raise them. Whether you decide to do your part or not, is up to you. That’s just another thing you’re going to have to answer to God about. As parents we have stewardship over these babies. The pass society gives you will never trump the charge God has given you. You too are held accountable for these babies.

I know your father may not have been there for you, but stop the cycle. Give your child the type of father you wish yours would have been, but don’t be the man you despised as a child. Don’t be the man that broke your heart over and over again. Don’t be the man that caused your tear stains on the window pane, because you spent all day looking out of a window waiting for your dad to show. Don’t be that same disappointment to your child as your dad was to you.  Be better than what you knew as a child, your children deserve it.

If you love someone tell them.

I love you

Destaynee