Journey to Forgiveness

When you hear the word restoration, what do you think of? When I hear the word restore or restoration I think of something that needs to be rebuilt, or built up, such as a building or a school. Now what comes to mind when you hear Christians being restored, or needing restoration?

As I mentioned briefly before, my church offers a 6 week Restoration class, focusing on forgiveness. Tonight was the last night for our session. (So bittersweet,I LOVED this class) Whenever I mentioned to someone from my church that I was taking that class, the response was always negative. I would get “ooh why do you need that class? You have everything figured out” or “oohh wow , I didn’t know you had forgiveness issues”. At first it was discouraging, but then I realized, I’m not the only one that has to practice forgiveness, I’m not the only one that has to forgive people for the horrible things they’ve done, so why are people acting like I am? It’s easy for people to go through life avoiding issues, and not addressing them or seeking ways to fix them. It’s easy for people to put on a front Sunday morning, but cry themselves to sleep every night. It’s easy to be comfortable and sit on those issues, as if they aren’t affecting other areas in your life.  It’s easy to do those things, but it takes courage for a person to realize they need work in an area and actually take steps towards fixing them, or healing, or making changes. I don’t just want to go through life coasting on being a good person compared to the people in this world. I want to go through life being everything God has called me to be, and he has not called me to be an unforgiving person or a broken person. I will never act as if I have it all together, because this life is a journey.

My reason for joining this class/support group was because I thought I was over my “fall situation”, I thought I had forgiven the person that had hurt me, committed a crime against me, but I didn’t. I realize I told myself I was over it and had forgiven him because I didn’t want to face it anymore. I didn’t want to face the pain and the hurt, so I had a false forgiveness. I was in denial. Pretending and trying to psych myself out about the situation only made things worse. I know people like to say “fake it until you make it”, but you can’t fake forgiveness.

 Forgiveness is like love, it’s a choice. Just as you have to choose to love, you have to choose to forgive. It doesn’t come over night; it doesn’t come by just saying it over and over to yourself. You have to WANT to forgive. You have to make up in your mind that you no longer want to be bound or held to this past issue. Not being able to forgive someone is robbing you from hope; it’s robbing you of a joyful happy future. For example, if someone was in a relationship with someone and that person cheated on them and they broke up, but never healed from that person cheating, never healed from that hurt, never forgave that person, how would they be able to experience true love? They will forever be bound to that past hurt, that they would never give anyone a chance. They would be robbing themselves from a potentially amazing person and relationship; that hurt that you’re holding onto is robbing you of your hope, of your future. Is that person that hurt you worth all of that?

 Think about Jesus, nailed to the cross even asked God to forgive those that crucified him (Luke 23:34 “And then said Jesus, Father forgive them; for they know not what they do. And they parted his raiment, and cast lots”). Jesus was the prototype; we are to be striving to be like him. If Jesus can forgive those that mocked him and beat him, and nailed him to a cross, can’t we forgive those that hurt us? Jesus wanted to forgive because he loves. If we are to love like Jesus shouldn’t we forgive like him also? You can’t forgive someone unless you love them, and since God instructed us to love thy neighbor as we love ourselves. Matthew 19:19 says “Honour thy father and thy mother: and, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.” Don’t you know God knows everything that has happened and will happen to us? He knows that so and so is going to hurt you before you do, even still he instructs us to love them. We are to pray for our enemies, how can you pray for someone unless you love them? If we TRULY love like Christ, then we have to forgive like him also. To me loving someone and forgiving them goes hand and hand. I love my son, sometimes he does things he’s not supposed to, yet I have no choice but to forgive him because I love him and he’s human, he’s going to make mistakes.

I think once we learn to stop taking everything so personal we will be a more forgiving people. We have to remember it’s not about us; it’s ALL about the building of God’s kingdom. We have to look past ourselves and realize that the people that hurt us are humans just like us. They make mistakes, they are dealing with things and they struggle in certain areas just like the rest of us. For me I had to stop with my high expectations. I can’t expect every Christian to be where I am spiritually, no matter how old, young or how long they have been in the church. We are all in different parts of our journey. I do believe we should be constantly growing.(There’s no way you can be sitting in somebodies church for YEARS and haven’t made changes in your life lol Just my opinion) To understand that we are all growing is to understand that we are all human.

I’ve had a few people via twitter ask me how can I forgive the men that have hurt me the way they have, my response is by God’s grace. I couldn’t forgive anyone if it wasn’t for God’s grace. If it wasn’t for me understanding God’s love for me, I wouldn’t be able to. No what they did wasn’t right. Forgiving people that have wronged us or hurt us isn’t condoning or okaying what happened. It’s being able to know that you’re bigger than the situation. It’s releasing the chains of bondage, it’s choosing to heal, and it’s choosing to be free! Forgiving someone doesn’t mean the hurt and the pain goes away immediately, but it will hurt a little less, you will overcome the pain, in due time.

 During the course of these 6 weeks I’ve prayed, cried, wrote letters, allowed myself to feel everything I was trying to numb. I had to get naked in front of God (as if he didn’t already know what I was dealing with) and allow him to show me what I need to do, what I wasn’t doing and how to do it. This process of forgiving is very uncomfortable. As humans we want to take things into our own hands, we want to hurt people they way they hurt us, we want to seek revenge, but the bible tells us not to in Leviticus 19:18 “Thou shalt not avenge, nor bear any grudge against the children of thy people, but thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself: I am The Lord.” This is why we have to die to our flesh DAILY, especially when it comes to forgiveness. Growth is uncomfortable and we will grow in uncomfortable situations, we just have to trust God to see us through it.

I encourage you to take a restoration class, if your church offers it. I encourage you to stay strong on your forgiveness journey. I pray that God strengthens you, so you can forgive those that have hurt you or wronged you and I pray that you are healed.

Here are a few scriptures we were encouraged to focus on.

Ephesians 4:32 “And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you."

Colossians 3:13 “Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye."

Hebrews 8:12 “For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their iniquities will I remember no more."

For I will restore health unto thee, and I will heal thee of thy wounds, saith the LORD; because they called thee an Outcast, saying, This is Zion, whom no man seeketh after. Jeremiah 30:17

If you love someone tell them

I love you

Destaynee

Sometimes the bigger person isn't always the one seeking forgiveness, but the one that gives forgiveness... even when it wasn't sought after...