Courting:So you thought they were God's best for you....

Welp by the title of this post, you might know where I’m going with this. As you all know I’m a firm believer of transparency, although it’s not ALWAYS easy to be transparent and tell what’s going on. I believe for ME its best. I have no problem sharing the things I’ve been through because I know it may help someone in some way. Also I’m not too proud to share my failures, in hopes that it may shed light to someone in some way.

Having said that my courtship ended this week, (insert dramatic gasp). Yes although he said we should try it again in 6 months -__- it’s over.

I know you’re like, “well courting has the intent of marriage how could it be over”. Well things happened. People change, situations change and people aren’t able to handle certain things. We ALL know hindsight is 20/20. Hindsight is the perfect vision ever lol but don’t let that stop you from being visual ant in the beginning. I will say when God said he will give us the desires of our heart I STRONGLY believe that. He will give us the very things we desire, there will be no compromising, no settling nothing like that. Yes we as people have character flaws or unique things about us, but I also believe God when he said he made a helpmate FIT for Adam. To me that means whatever situation you may have faced in the past the person God created for you will be equip to handle it or be accepting of it and willing to be there for you. In my case he wasn’t able to accept what happened to me nor was he willing to be there for me. God’s best will accept you and your past for what it is. God’s best will love you like Jesus loves the church flaws and all, past experiences and all. - Do not settle in this area this is a big one!!- -

Granted that wasn’t the first red flag. There were many red flags, but my judgment was clouded but all the good qualities he had. Don’t let the good things about a person make you forget the bad things, because when it comes down to it, the bad things will come up over and over and outshine the good things by far!! Hindsight, I saw many things, but I over looked them because this was my first godly relationship, my first time being treated the way I should be, and the first time the guy was actually in the church and living for God. That’s all well and good, but that doesn’t outweigh the bad, when the bad things were SO important and necessary. (I’m not going to give examples of bad, because I am NOT here to bad mouth anyone, I’m here to help and share MY experience)

Understand this, God will give you everything you desire in a future spouse or mate. Before entering into a courtship of course be sure that Christ is the reason for entering the courtship, not because you’re entering into ministry and you don’t want to be single and tempted. If you’re entering a courtship because you’re tired of being lonely, you can’t wait to be married etc you need to have the first seat in the first row! If you’re entering into a relationship wanting to change the person, their physical appearance, how they dress, how they act, things about them that make them who they are you need to reevaluate this WHOLE thing called courtship. We should be free to be who we are in a courtship without fear of not being enough, or being changed.

I can’t stress the fact that you need to be aware of the red flags!! Maya Angelou said it best “When a person shows you how they are believe them”. And the bible says we are to know the tree by the fruit. If that person is CONSTANTLY showing you things that aren’t adding up with what they are saying, or who you believe them to be and it’s not something you can deal with, you need to leave.

Looking back I realized I should’ve left the courtship sooner than it ended. I saw red flags stemming back to the first date.

Ladies/Gents you should NEVER have to beg your girl/boyfriend to make you a priority, be there for you, treat you respectfully, treat your family respectfully etc. I’ve seen many lists of things that men should watch out for before courting someone ladies we have a lists too (I’m not going to list things because they could be subjective)

Just know that if you’re agreeing to be in a courtship with someone they may come with extras. Our past has made us who we are. Although a person maybe over a past relationship, they might have been conditioned to behave a certain way, because of the things they dealt with. You have to know for yourself and access the situation on whether or not it’s something you are able to deal with.

Also beware of the “God says”… if God is telling one person something, he will tell the other as well. Be HONEST with yourself and that person on what you believe The Holy Spirit is telling you. Don’t think you have to stay in a courtship because it’s your only shot. NO! Know yourself worth and know that you are deserving of God’s best. Staying in a courtship solely because YOU want it to work is NOT God’s will. You should stay in a courtship knowing that it is God’s will.

Like I said, I wanted to share with you all MY experience and what I learned. No I’m not embarrassed because my courtship ended; I would be more embarrassed if I stayed in something God was trying to end. I believe my "Adam" or my "Boaz" if you will, is still out there being prepared as well as I. This was a blessing and a lesson. Remember I said sometimes people are in our lives for a season, and once that season is up, that's when the chaos begins? That theory is tried and true! Just take your time people, stay in CONSTANT PRAYER when entering into a courtship and pat attention to ANY and ALL red flags, understand God’s best is NOT going to have you settling. He will exceed your greatest expectations.

#NoRandoms

#WaitingOnGod

#SavedSingleAndNotHavingSex

If you love someone tell them

I love you

Destaynee