No one like’s a selfish person, and no one likes to be
called selfish, but we are. At an early age we are taught “this is a dog eat
dog world”, “born alone, die alone”. Now I do think we have to take care of
ourselves first (physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually) before we
can take care of someone else. Taking care and looking out for yourself doesn’t
mean you have to be selfish. Let’s look at the definition of selfish.
Selfish Adjective:(of a person, action, or motive) Lacking
consideration for others; concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or
pleasure.
Synonyms: egoistic - self-seeking - self-centered - self-centered
When you’re single, living life by yourself, taking care of
yourself it’s easy to adopt selfish behaviors. You don’t see them as selfish
because your actions aren’t affecting anyone but yourself. One of my facebook
friends said it best the other day. “If you’re not ready to face the person in
the mirror, you’re not ready for a relationship.” That statement is so profound
and so true. Being in a relationship will expose you to your best and worst “character
flaws”. You will see a lot of things about yourself that you may not have ever
seen had you not been in a courtship. I believe one of the first things you
will see (once the fog and the happiness of being in a relationship fades away)
how selfish you are and how selfish the other person is. I’m not talking
selfish in a you can’t eat my candy because I paid for it, it’s all mind kind
of way, no. I’m saying when times are getting rough and you need that person to
be there for you, are you willing to set aside your pride and die to yourself
and be what that person needs? Once you’re in a courtship you have to realize
it’s not just about you, you are now involved with someone, someone that you
love, and if you love that person you should be selfless.
I’ll give an example.
When you have a baby, or a baby in general, they can talk
all they can do is cry, it’s up to you to figure out what they need right? They
can’t communicate to you properly what they need, so you have to figure it out.
You can’t give them what YOU think they need, you have to give them what they
need. They might need a diaper change, but you won’t do it because it’s not
something you want to deal with, but if that’s what the baby needs you have to
put aside your selfishness and do it.
The problem is the focus. We tend to focus on what we can do
or what we can’t do and not what that person needs. We could easily change the
diaper, but we don’t want to, so we focus more on that being selfish while the
baby still needs to be changed. In relationships at some point or the other
someone is going to need support emotionally, for whatever reason. We can’t sit
around making things about us “oh I don’t know how to comfort them; I don’t
know how to give you what you need, well you weren’t there when I needed you”. This
thing is not tick for tact, just because that person that you love wasn’t there
for you in the way you needed doesn’t mean you do the same to them.
Just think about what God did for us, he sent his ONLY
begotten son, to die for our sins. He didn’t have to do that, and Jesus didn’t
have to allow himself to die. He could’ve easily said “nope these heathens aren’t
going to treat me right, they aren’t worthy of my sacrifice”. I don’t even want
to think of where we would be if God had been selfish.-- Whew Thank you God! –
This is the same thing, and yes it’s just as dramatic. We are to love like
Christ, not just in a courtship, but with people in general. We are to love thy
neighbor as thy self. (Mark 12:31 and the second is like, namely this, you
shall love your neighbor as yourself. There is no other commandment greater
than these.)
There is nothing selfish about God, and if we are to be
Christ like, we have to die to ourselves. This is all goes back to free will. You
have a choice to obey God, you have a choice to be selfish or not. If the
foundation of your courtship is God, then why wouldn’t you obey him within it?
Now I will say this, dying to yourself and giving up selfish ways aren’t always
easy, it’s human nature to be a tad bit selfish.( That’s all sin is, pleasing
your flesh, doing what you want to do, making it all about you) I have seen
some of my selfish ways within my courtship and it’s not cute lol. The amazing
thing is, God will reveal them to you, and he will give you room to correct it.
It’s not always easy but with God’s grace and mercy you can become a selfless
person within your courtship and in your daily encounters with people.
I have made this a part of my daily prayer concerning my
courtship. I ask God to help me die to myself for the betterment of this relationship
(I also ask him before going into work that I die to myself and so his spirit
can be seen through me). Courtship/marriage it’s a ministry, you have to want
to do what’s best because it’s for the building of God’s kingdom. I don’t want
to be selfish in my courtship or relationships with people, because I know that’s
not what God wants. It’s also perfectly fine to pray for the person your courting’s
level of selfishness. It may not be easy to come to them in a respectful way
and tell them they’re being selfish, so just pray for them. Tell God “God so
and so is being really selfish, I’m trying to die to myself, but they aren’t
dying to themselves, help me handle this situation and help them be less elfish”.
There is NOTHING wrong with that, shoot God created that man/woman he knows
them better than you. (It’s funny because sometimes I feel like I’m “telling”
on my courter”, hey my heavenly father needs to know! Lol) let’s learn to be
less selfish as a whole, and definitely if you’re in a courtship.
If you love someone tell them
I love you
Destaynee
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