Dear Non Black People

I wasn’t really planning on writing a post about this because I feel like the movie “Dear White people” and many shows on youtube (The unwritten rules), have done such an excellent job as to addressing the issues of race we still face today. “Being a black face, in a white place. ”However I think those movies/ shows have forgotten the other races that are considered minorities that still display prejudices against black people. I have a prime example to share.

Tonight at work, as I was minding my business. One of my co-worker’s who is Hispanic tapped my friend who was sitting next to me on the shoulder and the conversation went as follows:

Co-worker: “hey you see that black girl, that’s walking out right there?”

My friend: “Yea the girl with the braids?”

Co-worker: “Yea her, the other day I was trying to tell her she was so nice for a dark skinned black girl……”

(At this point, I was already turning around to my co-worker, ready to say something)

“Man, she went off on me, she humiliated me in front of everybody I was so embarrassed. “

(She was looking to me, as if she wanted me to be sympathetic)

I told her “ I’m sorry she went off on you and handled it in that manner, however what you said was very offensive. I understand as a Hispanic person, you face racism and prejudice, but it’s in a different manner than how we face it as black people. We get it more frequently, and harshly. It’s in the media, it’s in the work place it’s everywhere. For a person to be told you are such and such for a black person, is not a compliment, it is an insult. You are basically saying your race isn’t this… but you’re the exemption. That is offensive. All black people do not fit in one particular category, negative or positive. We are individuals just as you are.  All black people or dark skinned black people certainly aren’t mean.”

She began to say, “Yea, I’m seeing that now, it’s just that in my high school the black kids were mean to me.”

I said “I understand, but don’t base your opinions on a race based on your high school encounter, or an encounter you had in the past, everyone is different and everyone deserves a chance.”

She then said “Well see, why couldn’t she say this to me, the way you are saying it?”

I said “That’s the thing about our words. We can’t control how a person receives what we have to say or their reaction to it, but we can control the manner in which we say it. What you said was rude and harsh, however she didn’t have to go off on you, but then again, that was her reaction and how she felt. Next time just be mindful of how you speak and the things you say when speaking to people.”

She said “you’re right”

My friend then said “I liked how you handled that. I saw the face you made when she first started talking, but you handled that well”.

I said “Yes, because times like these are opportunities to help educate people. I couldn’t go off on her, because that’s not my nature. I wanted to hear what she had to say, and then help her understand how that was offensive. Plus, if she would’ve said that to or around someone else, she might’ve gotten “hurt””.

See at work although certain conversations shouldn’t be had, I felt like this was necessary. She was really hurt at the reaction she got because she thought she was giving a nice compliment. I saw the hurt in her face, but she needed to know that was unacceptable. She was ignorant to the reality of how offensive it was. I can’t sit down and address every politically incorrect or racial injustice that happens at work. However, if I feel that the person is willing to really understand, and learn from their mistake, I will help when I can.

When we’re dealing with people, in whatever capacity, it is important to know “where that person is”. I mean that mostly on a maturity level. You have to meet people where they are so they can get an understanding of the situation. We can’t expect to think that people always know what they’re doing, we have to be willing to be patient and show them what they’re doing wrong, and why it’s offensive. Even if we feel like they should know. (I know people do things, and they’re full aware, I’m not talking about those people.)

Dear Non Black People,

Saying you’re nice for a black person…

Saying you’re pretty for a black person….

Saying you’re not really like other black people…

Saying you don’t really act like a black person…

Saying you don’t “count” as a black person…

Saying I’m “blacker” than you….

Or using the N-Word, towards us, or even around us because “you’re really black on the inside”…

Is not, has never been, and will never be a compliment. Those are insults and are very offensive. Black people are regular people just like everyone else. We don’t need to be described within our own category. For example, I’ve been told I was pretty for a black girl, a dark skinned girl. That is NOT a compliment. I’m pretty for a girl period! Putting us in our own category is dehumanizing. As if we don’t belong in the human category, but another one.

P.S stop using the N word, because if I call you a spic, jap, cracker, or towel head you would be offended. Yes the word “nigger” means ignorant, HOWEVER, it was created to be used towards black people. No matter which way you dice it, that word is offensive and using it in a different tense “nigga”, does not take away how offensive and harsh it is. You will NEVER be able to understand, because your plight in America is nowhere near mine as a black person in America. Don’t tell me to get over it because we can’t because of situations like Trayvon Martin, Jordan Davis, Mike Brown and many others are keeping us in the 50’s.

Each one teach one, let’s do better collectively.

If you love someone tell them

I love you

Destaynee