The Wing man

Society tells me that as a woman, in order to be considered sexy, I have to be showing skin wearing little to nothing. Have you ever been at the beach or the pool and seen a person in little to nothing (their bathing suit) and being completely turned off? Yea at the beach is different, but the concept is still the same. Little to no clothing does not equate sexy. Society also tells me that as a woman, I have to do X Y and Z to get a man’s attention. Society also suggests that because no one is perfect, I have to accept any and everything a man decides to give me. Well, we all know how I feel about society….

You also know I’m an observer. I sit and I watch people and people’s behaviors. (It’s just the psychologist in me, I really can’t help it.) Lately what I’ve been seeing is how women interact with men. The way we dress, the way we carry ourselves around them and the things we settle for, and it’s sickening.  This post isn’t going to be as “formal” as the other posts.

This post is just “my organized thoughts.” …. Just rock with me.

I was once, a girl that used to wear belly shirts, literally all the time. See then, I thought my flat stomach and 6 pack was my best feature. As I aged and grew as a person, a woman and a mother I realized that was merely the tip of the iceberg. I’m not here to judge the girls that think their body is the best they have to offer. I’m just here to share a little bit of my story.

Let’s rewind to about the summer of 2008, I just finished my first year of college at Bethune Cookman, and I was back home hanging out with my best friend from high school. She was dating a guy, and I was like her “wing woman”, and the guy she was dating had a “wing man”. It was kind of weird because I graduated with these guys, but I didn’t really know them. So my job as a “wing woman” was to basically make friends with this “wing man”. Well the “wing man”, thought the job description included a clause or two. (He thought we were going to be “messing around”) I quickly let him and my friend know, that was not going down. A few days passed and my friend contacted me, and told me that the “wing man” wanted to talk to me. So we all met up, and he apologized for assuming that, that was what was going down. He also expressed that he wanted to get to know me for real on deeper level. I appreciated his honesty so; I decided to take him up on his offer. We started off hanging out still in a group, going to the mall, you know, young people stuff lol. Once I was comfortable we began to go on dates by ourselves, movies, dinner, mini golf etc. We even met each other’s mothers. He brought cupcakes and balloons to my job for my birthday when I worked at Bob Marely. He would just drop my job to surprise me etc. We really had a great time. One of the best dating experiences I’ve had.

I bet you’re wondering well Destaynee, why aren’t you still with this guy? Well once school started back he went off to Tampa and I went back to Bethune. We ended on really good terms because we weren’t just “dating” we became friends during the process. Life took us in different directions and we obliged, and we understood.

The point of me sharing this story is because not once did I have to comprise on my morals. Not once did I have to change the standard that I set. Not once did I have to put on a super short skirt or dress to get his attention or get him to take me out or to notice me. Not once did I have to change my personality, dumb myself down or anything. The person that he met was the person he dated during that time. He knew what I was about and not about from the first interaction, and yes ladies he STILL found interest in me. He still wanted to date me.

I think it’s important (well to me) that young women, young Christian women are told stories like these, because society will have us thinking opposite. See the bible tells us that HE that findeth a wife finds a good thing AND obtains favor from the Lord. No I wasn’t/are am I any body’s wife, However that shows how a man should cherish the fact that he has a woman. We don’t have to be “showing off” our men, they should feel blessed to have us! Society isn’t trying to teach us that. They are just telling us that we are “lucky” if a man notices us, and that’s not the case.

I have many stories similar to this that, I may share (not sure though), just to encourage someone and also remind myself. I think when things like this happen, its God reminding me, that “Yes daughter, I see you, please don’t feel insecure or worried about your time. You are doing just fine, these men are reminders that you are on the right path, and you’re doing the right thing, be not dismayed”. I take comfort in that, I really do.

So to my ladies, my sisters, young, old or in between; don’t sell yourself short by devaluing worth. Know who you are in Christ, find your confidence in him and in him alone. Set your standards and keep them there. If no one has met them that just means your guy hasn’t shown up yet, be patient. Remember men are natural born hunters, they go after what they want, and they will do whatever it takes, if he’s not willing, don’t waste your time. Also, sexiness does not equate little to no clothing (dressing for your body type, is the best thing anyone can do, that is sexy, clothes that fit properly). A confident, meek, God fearing, graceful, smart woman is sexy! Don’t let the bad girls club fool you.

And I’m going to end this with a quote from my ex favorite rapper Wale. “And I can show you all this love without a bit of sex involved”

If you love someone tell them

I love you

Destaynee